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Rebecca: Lisa had a good question. Do you have a copy of your parent's will? I would think that if the will was changed after your father died, the change would be invalid. The reason I think this is because of your mom's brain injury and how it has changed her ability to reason. Even if your brother has DPOA, it does not give him the right to go against your parent's wishes when they were of sound mind. Your father was really the only sound mind in the household after your mom's brain injury. If he provided a will that addressed how assets would be distributed to children after both parents passed. Then it's a done deal. With your mother's mental capacity in question, any changes to the will now, by her, could certainly be challenged in court as being prompted by your siblings coercing her for their own personal benefit.

Do you have any medical records or written statements from your mom's doctor about her mental status? If you have a relationship with her doctor and he agrees that she could be easily coerced, maybe he would be willing to give you a general letter about how her brain injury affects her ability to make sound decisions.

Just some thoughts. Hugs and Hugs, Cattails
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Lisa, you are so right! I know the attorney that has the will and it should be filed. Also, I know enough about my mother and older brother keeping my father's living will from each facility. My Dad suffered so badly and really should have been allowed to die much sooner as he requested. If I have to get ugly, I will. Plus, the entire tiny town knows the truth. You are a huge help!! The harassment issues would be serious because my SIL is a teacher and my younger brother a government employee. My older sister is busy serving herself and guests wine or champagne. The panic attack I was having has stopped. Thank you so much!
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Cattails, I am so glad to hear from you! I have so many records from my mother's injury. I took care of her for months and my teaching positions for 32 years primarily involved brain injured students. You have just given me so much peace. Thank you!
Hugs to you
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Wow Rebecca, you need to do it. In Kentucky, anyone in the school system from the board of education all the way to custodian who had a felony is automatically terminated. And the Internet? That is covered by federal laws. Not good for brother. I believe that alone would have them both worried. I'm betting that one simple letter with the letter head from an attorneys office would bring you some relief.
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I'm sorry that your husband hates your family....NOT! You sounded frustrated that he's not helping with the situation. Is he being rude to them? Sarcastic? Giving you orders on what to do? Would it help, if you try to see it from His Point of View? If you pretend that it was His father and his mother with the brain injury and how he made a promise to his father to take care of mom, and His siblings are doing those things to him, Rebecca - How would YOU respond? I think it's natural when your loved one is being threatened, hurt or treated badly, a man's response is soooo pro-active. Us females are a bit more catty, back-stabbers, etc...We go at it the round-a-bout way. A man - give him a club - and he will solve the problem straight as an arrow, no detour, no subtlety... :) So, all I'm saying is that it must be really difficult for hubby to step back and watch you targeted via different means (phone, email, new will, etc..) by your siblings. Maybe you can cut down some of those male testosterone by giving him some pro-active project that is helping you from your siblings. Whether it's by trying to figure out the phone blocking system, etc... You know what I mean?
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Bookworm,
You are so right. My husband wanted me to just yell at them and put them in their place when Dad was sick. It is hard for me to deal with the three women because my Dad sent me off to his military boarding school for high school. It had just started accepting girls, and Dad wanted me to have an excellent education while making certain my little brother did not get into too much trouble. So, I fight back in a bizarre way. I understand the male, let's sit down talk it out, get it over with, and move on.I'm slow in picking up the sneaky stuff. My husband and I dealt with his Mother and sister fighting by just listening to both sides and always telling his mother she could live with us if needed.Now, I am playing sweet southern woman who is using all the male aggressiveness I was taught through 5 years of being in a mostly male school. Basically, my message is to not "mess" with my son, husbands, dogs,or upset Mother. I have explained the meaning of true drama to my female members of this insanity. It didn't match theirs. It is out of my character, but I have COPD, PTSD, and a benign tumor on my lungs. I am learning to deal with a new life ,and they can play nicely or go to the swamp in the back 30 acres with the coyotes and water moccasins. You are right on target when you mention the phone .... my husband is fixing it. I am thinking of offering the people who wrote Nancy Drew a new idea: The Mystery of the Missing Living Will. Take care and thanks. Rebecca
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Cattails,
You asked about who is living on the farm now. I was, at my Dad's request, to have the house, move in with my mother and look after her when he died. The house is almost 200 years old, has enough room for 3 families, and is creepy because my mother is a hoarder. Mom does not want anyone to live with her. As the non-drinker in a family of heavy drinkers or alcoholics (someone had to be sober), she knows I will gently but nicely remove liquor, etc. So, I live 20 minutes from her, plan to build on what is supposed to be my share now that we have retired, and Mom lives alone. What she doesn't know is that the sheriff and about 15 couples watch over her and stay in touch with me when needed. She will have to have more help very soon, but I think I will tackle one crisis at a time. I have lived on the farm longer than any of my other siblings and truly love it. But, I can live without it if I need to. No one else lives near it, and my siblings are not happy in a place that is far away from a large city. Oh, well. This too shall pass. Hugs and thank you's. Rebecca
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One last word for the day (my day). If you ask all my 7 siblings, they will all tell you that I'm too blunt. I call it like I see it. They say I need to learn ...to be nicer, gentler, etc...So, we're both on the same boat. You continue what you've been doing. I only mentioned hubby because I think it would be so much nicer if he's With you instead of Frustrating you. Hence, my advice to have him participate with your struggle with the family. Remember, Rebecca, when you married, you became as one. It's just not your fight, it's "our" fight ..especially when it involves your son. Just saying....Later!
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Rebecca - so nice to see sone humour coming out -
"they can play nicely or go to the swamp in the back 30 acres with the coyotes and water moccasins"
Right on!!!!
Sounds like you belong on that property,
It is a new life when we have serious health issues, and I am so glad you are using new ways to deal with the dysfunctional family members. Sounds like your mum is being watched over by many. If necessary. you can call in the professionals to get her to the next stage of her care. I think you mentioned that before.
Yes, this too will pass - one day.
I am looking for a professional who can hekp me with the PTSD. Have you ever worked on that with a counsellor? I want to be further ahead than I am, in terms of reacting to the manipulation and using. Sounds like you are heading in the right direction. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!
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I am sooooo liking this new you Rebecca!!!
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How are you doing, Rebecca?
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Hey Rebecca! Hope things are going ok for you. I noticed that the last time you hadn't posted in a while the family were making life difficult for you. Stay strong friend. We are here for you!! Love to you, Lisa
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