Hi,
I just wanted to ask a question. I don't know that my Mom has the beginning of dementia or Alzheimer's, but I wanted to post about some things, and ask for opinions. She is 69, and has usually seemed fine when I have spoken to her. I live over 2,000 miles away, and my communication with her is usually by phone. However, in January, I didn't receive something she sent me in the mail. So she wanted me to go to the post office or maybe contact them. I called them and they didn't answer. I asked my roommate to text her {he has a cellphone, and I currently don't} to let her know what happened when I called them. She called me, and I leave my ringer off. I don't remember details, why I wasn't answering but she sounded mad, and was raising her voice on one message. She was sounding mad that I wasn't answering because she had to get up at a certain time the next morning. And on one of the voicemails, she said "Michelle, darn you." I got mad and called her, going over things she had done. Sometime after, whatever day it was, she started saying she didn't call me a turd. I hadn't said she called me a name. And saying darn you to someone is obviously different than name calling. Then, she ended up calling me and leaving me voicemails saying I told everyone in the family that she called me a turd. I hadn't done that. This is the only time I have had this happen with her. She now knows I didn't do what she said I did. But she said her phone was hacked; that people were texting her calling her a turd, etc. And maybe she got confused. It turned out that she was also stressed due to not going anywhere or many places. And my dad said she gets lonely when she isn't talking to anyone. They aren't together and haven't been for ten years. Anyway, how does it make sense that she said I called people in our family, saying she called me a name when a stranger was texting her and calling her names? If she got it confused, thinking I was texting her calling her names, and since we do text sometimes, that would be different. One of my sisters also said she called her son at one or one something in the morning before, and didn't have recollection of it. And my aunt thought my Mom should take something for her memory. My Mom did repeat things she said to me the last time we spoke as well. But she said she had an appointment with a nurse, and she gave her a a memory test, and she did well. I'm not saying my Mom has anything, but does this sound like anything to any of you? Like, possible early memory problems or something else? Her Mother had Alzheimer's, but no one else in her family has as far as I know.
Mom was put on Aricept and then Namenda was added a year later. She was initially angry and didn’t want to take the Aricept. But eventually she realized it might help her remain independent (she lived alone). We saw definite improvements with her on the meds and she actually was able to remain independent for seven more years!
Nobody here on this forum will blame you for one nanosecond for losing your cool with your mother. I think we've all been there.
However. About her belief that you accused her of having called you a turd, and the subsequent broadcast denial drawing other people into this brouhaha.
How long was the list of "things she had done" and what did it include? Because it's my strong suspicion that she either misheard or misconstrued one particular item, and for whatever reason was particularly wounded by it.
Your mom can request a MR form at her doctor's office and then write in the name of her chosen representative. That MR should then make sure the doc's office or clinic has the MR's contact info in their files. That's how it works with my mom. I hope this info helps you.
I had a similar situation with my mom being totally non sequitur during several phone calls. I begged her to get her self to the doctor, of course, she was fine and I was overreacting, going tomorrow and on and on, until she collapsed, thank God I was on the phone with her, and she was rushed by ambulance to the ER with a UTI that had gone septic and her kidneys were shutting down.
Terrible situation being thousands of miles away but, you know if something seems amiss with your mom. Please encourage her to schedule an appointment for a wellness check, annual physical, whatever it's called. Simple situations can turn tragic when left untreated.
Don't make it about her memory, make it about getting some baseline information and ensuring that she is A OK because you want her around for decades.
If she is behaving inappropriately and you don't have anyone to lay eyeballs on her, call the local law enforcement and request a wellness check. Ask the responding officer to watch for visible signs of stroke or injury. I have found that they are very helpful in these situations.
UTIs are more common in older people, particularly older women, because the infection comes from feces – from dirty diapers before they are changed, or from traces in knickers. In younger people the traces are more often spread around the perineum by very energetic sex, and cause strong pain in the lower belly. In older people there is often no pain, but very difficult behavior changes. All that is needed is a urine sample, which can usually be taken yourself in the doctor’s toilet. Ordinary litmus paper turns red if the urine is acidic, therefore there’s a UTI. A doctor prescribes the antibiotic for the most common type of UTI, and sends the sample away for lab testing. Occasionally you get called back for a different antibiotic if the UTI is not the most common type.
I used to get these regularly, and know the problem only too well. Now if I get diarrhoea, I wash the area and change my knickers, which has worked well for years now.
If you could reassure your mother about how common this is, how distressing the results can be, and how easy it is to deal with, she may be willing to get herself to the doctor. If she won’t help herself, perhaps you could call her doctor and tell them the problem. They may not talk to you, but they may have some way of helping, once they know the potential problem. Best wishes to you both.
There are conditions that would give her memory and behavioral symptoms that are NOT dementia or ALZ, like over- or undermedication (e.g. thyroid medicine overdosing), UTI, diabetes, neurological problems like tumors, etc.
One of the clues that my MIL had short-term memory loss was that she'd call and tell each of her 3 sons a different version of the same story. It was so weird and we couldn't figure it out. She seemed "normal" to us and we only lived 6 miles away. But when we went into her home we found rotting food, chaotic paperwork and mail, her pills scattered everywhere.
Recently my dear cousin (in her late 60s) was acting like she had dementia but it turned out she was overdosing on her thyroid medicine because she had lost a lot of weight but didn't have her meds adjusted. UTIs often have no other symptoms except memory, behavioral or personality changes (usually "suddenly") and this should definitely be cause to get her treatment as it can turn in to sepsis.
Finally, dementia and ALZ can be inherited but one is not guaranteed to inherit the gene for it. It doesn't matter much among parents or siblings who had/has it and who doesn't as a predictor whether some you or she will develop it.
Has your mother been isolated during the whole of lockdown? How is her general health, does she take reasonably good care of herself?