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Well, perhaps the first thing to do is to get your paws on some good, authoritative information about the Dos and Don'ts of being somebody's POA.
Past misbehaviour - expensive misbehaviour at that - a fondness for creature comforts and exciting ideas about her son's imminent marriage... yes, I can certainly see why you would have considerable qualms about your sister's plans for your mother's spending. But before you despair, try communication first.
If your sister is in fact a reformed character with no evil designs, and she's not being intentionally dense, she should perfectly well understand that her taking over access to all of your mother's assets is not something that you or anybody else who cares about your mother is going to shrug off and accept. These are uncomfortable conversations, but if you can make it clear that you are asking reasonable questions, and that a question is not the same thing as an accusation, perhaps it will be productive.
Your alternative is to go and take your mother physically back to the attorney who handled the recent documentation, explain your concerns giving dates and known facts, and get advice on a re-think. Sorry - you said that. Good idea, I agree.
It's also not promising that your mother is scared of saying no to your sister. When you say scared, do you mean squeamish about saying no in general or actually afraid of possible consequences, and if so what consequences?
I just started putting all the pieces together within the past month. She thinks that my mom should pay for everything, going out to eat, groceries, to get toenails and fingernails done. She doesn't pay for anything. I am trying to go about this to where my mom doesn't suffer. She also signed her trustee of all the money to grand kids and great grand kids. Her son is getting married in November and she thinks my mom should pay for flight, hotel, eating and whatever she wants. My mom is scared of saying no to her. I need to know where I find that you have to be competent and trust worthy when appointed power of attorney and trustee. Right now I am looking for more concrete evidence so I can present it to the lawyer that drew it up.
I just started putting all the pieces together within the past month. She thinks that my mom should pay for everything, going out to eat, groceries, to get toenails and fingernails done. She doesn't pay for anything. I am trying to go about this to where my mom doesn't suffer. She also signed her trustee of all the money to grand kids and great grand kids. Her son is getting married in November and she thinks my mom should pay for flight, hotel, eating and whatever she wants. My mom is scared of saying no to her. I need to know where I find that you have to be competent and trust worthy when appointed power of attorney and trustee. Right now I am looking for more concrete evidence so I can present it to the lawyer that drew it up.
On the contrary. Power of Attorney is a position of trust, and for your sister to spend your parents' money on anything that is not directly for their benefit or in their interest or specified by them while in their right mind is an abuse of that trust.
Have you discussed POA arrangements in general with your mother?
Mom dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2014. My mom became his guardian. My sister move down from Florida and moved in with them for only 2 weeks and she is still there. She has since manipulated my mom into signing power of attorney and it's not a small estate either. My sister has had alcohol and drug abuse in her past to where she contracted hepatitis c. I do not trust her at all. She has set up on line banking without my mom's knowledge. Do power of attorney give her the right to spend their money on herself.
I am thinking back to when my parents were each other's Power of Attorney. Of course when the POA's were drawn up they were much younger, and once they were in their 90's it was very difficult for either of them to act as Power of Attorney.
Example, Dad went to the ER after he fell, I wanted my Mom to come with us but she didn't want to and it was understandable being in her late 90's she was legally blind and couldn't hear very well, she felt she wouldn't be able to understand the doctors. It was then that I told Dad that he and Mom need to update their Power of Attorney.
I suggested that my parents both still represent each other and I would be second in line in case either one felt it would be better if I made the decisions. The Elder Law Attorney suggested the same thing so new POA's were drawn up and signed. This way both parents still felt they were important, and could make decisions on simple things if needed.
From your profile, I understand that your sister became your step-father's POA and later your mother became his guardian? Your sister's POA for him is no longer valid since your mother is his guardian.
Did your mother make your sister her POA?
Is your sister someone who can be trusted with being a POA? If not, why?
Depends on what you mean by "fit," but in the old-fashioned, legalistic sense of being an upright citizen without known character flaws (e.g. a criminal record) then yes. You will have to check what laws, regulations and processes apply in your particular state, but as a rule objections can be raised to power of attorney being held by someone who is not a "fit and proper" person.
In terms of age and infirmity, though, no. Though obviously it is only common sense to give Power of Attorney to someone who is likely to be able to exercise it for longer than you are, at least.
Would you like to explain what you're concerned about?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Past misbehaviour - expensive misbehaviour at that - a fondness for creature comforts and exciting ideas about her son's imminent marriage... yes, I can certainly see why you would have considerable qualms about your sister's plans for your mother's spending. But before you despair, try communication first.
If your sister is in fact a reformed character with no evil designs, and she's not being intentionally dense, she should perfectly well understand that her taking over access to all of your mother's assets is not something that you or anybody else who cares about your mother is going to shrug off and accept. These are uncomfortable conversations, but if you can make it clear that you are asking reasonable questions, and that a question is not the same thing as an accusation, perhaps it will be productive.
Your alternative is to go and take your mother physically back to the attorney who handled the recent documentation, explain your concerns giving dates and known facts, and get advice on a re-think. Sorry - you said that. Good idea, I agree.
It's also not promising that your mother is scared of saying no to your sister. When you say scared, do you mean squeamish about saying no in general or actually afraid of possible consequences, and if so what consequences?
Have you discussed POA arrangements in general with your mother?
Example, Dad went to the ER after he fell, I wanted my Mom to come with us but she didn't want to and it was understandable being in her late 90's she was legally blind and couldn't hear very well, she felt she wouldn't be able to understand the doctors. It was then that I told Dad that he and Mom need to update their Power of Attorney.
I suggested that my parents both still represent each other and I would be second in line in case either one felt it would be better if I made the decisions. The Elder Law Attorney suggested the same thing so new POA's were drawn up and signed. This way both parents still felt they were important, and could make decisions on simple things if needed.
Did your mother make your sister her POA?
Is your sister someone who can be trusted with being a POA? If not, why?
In terms of age and infirmity, though, no. Though obviously it is only common sense to give Power of Attorney to someone who is likely to be able to exercise it for longer than you are, at least.
Would you like to explain what you're concerned about?