Recently I met up online with some old friends from my neighborhood and in the town where I grew up. Most have older parents and we discussed how they were doing and how they were cared for. What was striking is that those parents whose parents (our grandparents) never accumulated money, mostly blue collar workers, were not in assisted living where those who did accumulate wealth, mostly professional (engineers, doctors), were.
This leads me to believe that generational wealth really determines how one's life will go. It's not what you accomplished or even what your parents but the grandparent’s wealth that mostly determines that. Does anyone else find that to be true?
I understand the the long hours but why if he was a VP was it miserable?
My fantasy is to win the Mega Millions and pay for the best care money could buy for my parents. How great would that be to be able to do that, they could die home just like they want and us three daughters would not be tethered to this misery.
Money might not buy happiness but it sure can solve problems.
My mother inherited money from her folks and never once touched it. It went to me and my brother after she died.
My dad came from nothing, but he worked like a dog his whole life before he retired at 58, and he was really, really smart about economics and investing. They had enough money to retire early and live another 30+ years, plus there was plenty for the 2 1/2 years of nursing home care my mom needed.
My husband and I have saved more than enough that we also don't need the inheritance. It wasn't always easy to do, but it certainly helps to be smart about money and make your own future needs as important as those of your kids.
My nere-do-well stepFIL and his wife (my MIL) received 2 inheritances. Guess what? He died broke and a ward of the county. She's in LTC on Medicaid.
My grandparents emigrated here from Italy with nothing. Their 3 sons all became self-made millionaires (and none had a college education). Their daughters also worked hard and prospered.
The burden is on the individual to make the most of what they have.
They aren’t poor, but not carefree wealthy either. Grandma only JUST went to assisted living about two months before turning 99. DHs parents should be able to pay for their care, thankfully!!!
My dad was only in a small care home for less than a week on hospice before he passed. We had to use his funds to pay for that stay. He could have paid for about two years before we would have needed a Medicaid nursing home bed.
And now there’s my mother. She’s got maybe one or two months worth of funds for a nursing home, none of it easily accessible. One thing is a bond in a safe dep box. It’s given me a LOt of anxiety wondering if and how we will get her Medicaid worked out when the time comes. I have worked with an elder atty. But her taking cash out and having no receipts worries me. Luckily this is “only” about 100 a month. The rest are bills she pays by phone, groceries etc paid by debit card. Her lack of record keeping and being able to find 5 years worth of bank statements worries me.
This is a long way to say having any sort of wealth, savings etc definitely provided more options and relief for the family from what I’ve observed.
From: ElizabethAR37
Yes, I think it does--in all life areas, not just eldercare. If things had gone according to plan, whatever that is, I might have had sufficient inheritance to assure high quality eldercare in a pricey CCRC. However, my family of origin disapproved of my marriage over 40 years ago and--guess what--my punishment was being disowned. (Marrying my spouse was the best decision I ever made, BTW. NO regrets.)
So, I received a modest sum from a small trust, but that was it. However, those funds served as the basis for creating our old-age fund. It would have been more difficult without it. We both worked into our mid-to-late 70s--but our careers were in the nonprofit sector at less-than-munificent salaries. We contributed to 401(k) equivalents, saved and invested as best we could. Despite a relatively late start, we purchased LTC insurance and saved "enough"--as long as we don't live too much longer. It's hard to plan for unanticipated, unintended longevity and the rising costs of care.
Of course there are exceptions, but we are talking generalities.
Yes, it's about the parents. It's that I observed that the grandparents wealth actually led to a comfortable retirement for their parents.
Well, SS is still around and likely will be as long as we live. That is our 'base income'. We have and annuity that pays out monthly, which just augments the income. We also have a 401(K) that we opted to keep as a savings--to cover big unforeseen expenses. (DH just bought a brand new car with cash--he said it felt amazing!)
I always pinched pennies, was frugal and kept cars running for 20+ years. My parents were forced into early retirement by dad's bad health and they DID have to live entirely on SS. If they hadn't added an apartment on to YB's home and were able to live there for next to nothing, IDK what would have happened. Mom was there for 25 years before she died. On $2200 a month, she couldn't have afforded anything decent.
Most of my mom's friends were living with their kids, or sadly, in some not so nice NH's. Mom was always aware and always grateful for the care she received at pretty much no cost to her.
Our 5 kids are following our example.
At this stage of life, to not have to scrounge and worry about money, it's really a blessing.
In the end, everyone has to do what is best/right for them. Some families do the 'generational' living and it's lovely and works for them.
I KNOW if I moved in with any of my kids, it would not go well.
In my family this was not true. Both of my parents were the first to go to college, the first to have professional jobs, and they worked their butts off to live a good life, give me and DD a good life, and take care of themselves in thier old age. I think it depends on the person;s goals. Both of my parents helped out financially with their parents. The same is true for my hubs.. first to go to college in his family.
However, I now have generational wealth thanks to my parents. Not millions but enough to be comfortable so that our DD will hopefully not have to worry about our long term issues. And I have been savvy about our money. DD is also a smart gal, and planning for her long term financials. My parents hammered this in to both myself and DD from an early age. So perhaps it is more about what people plan for than what they inherited?
I also know many who didn’t. They and their children are suffering because of that.
I’ve seen family members who refused to settle down throughout their twenties. Their parents paid for college but they wouldn’t work for a corporation. In fact two of them didn’t get real jobs until age 28 and 30. They lost out on social security credits, contributing to 401k plans, and spent what money they did earn in bars. They are counting on parents to leave them a bundle.
If your grandparents made it so their kids did not have to give up much or stress over their own care then they could lead fruitful lives and pass it down so to speak. Imo
The folks who are not in LTC facilities, where/how are they being cared for?
More funds available certainly offers more flexibility in procuring care. My parents both grew up very poor but a lifetime of frugality gave them good options at the end.
They also told us from early childhood not to expect any inheritance, so they were free to devote all they had saved to EOL care.
Some folks seem determined to "leave a legacy" and by the same token, some adult children think that it's wise to give up careers to care for parents at home.
Having seen that scenario play out in my childhood (there were no options), we were determined not to go down that path.
I don't think anyone I know expects anything from their parents but when the grandparents handed down their house, which was bough for like $20K decades ago but was worth $800K when it was sold, it just gave their parents a huge "cushion".
I'm not saying no one can provide for a comfortable future by their own efforts and sacrifices; I'm saying that I have observed that it's the generational wealth that makes it's much more possible.