My husband is in a nursing home and he wants to come home. I cannot physically care for him. I feel very alone but also very confused and angry at him because he keeps blaming everything on everyone but him. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do and how I’m supposed to go on without feeling guilty . I do have a therapist but we’ve only met a few times. This is just not how we ever thought our lives would go as everyone else feels the same I’m sure. The afternoons are the worst. I don’t know we there to go along with or just tell I can’t talk now. I feel like I am causing so much harm to my health with the stress.
Guilt is self-inflicted. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You didn't cause your husbands problems. Its what it is. When you don't feel like his stuff, don't visit. People can only treat you the way you allow. I would say you have explained to him why he needs to be there. Maybe say it VERY firmly one more time. He is there because he needs to be. If he wants you to visit then he has to stop b _ _ _ hing and blaming you. If he can't stop then you won't be able to visit. The stress he is putting on you is too much. Walk out every time he starts. I am not beyond a little threat, add if he doesn't shape up, he may be there permanently.
The important thing is that you can not care for him.
You do not mention any cognitive impairment so I am going under the assumption that he is cognizant.
He would then know that you can not SAFELY care for him.
You are seeing a therapist has HE talked to anyone about his feelings, his anger, his diagnosis? He is "blaming" you but I think it is "displaced" anger .. he is probably angry at himself for being in the condition he is in as well as feeling sorry for himself.
I would follow MeDolly's advice and tell him it is up to the doctor.
I would also encourage him to talk to a therapist as well.
I would reconsider when I visit him and how often. He is safe, you need to take care of you, stress can kill.
He is blaming because things are not going his way. Simply tell him Dr says he cannot go home and there's nothing you can legally do. It's okay to blame the Dr. Don't visit in afternoons. That's their worst part of the day. Visit in the morning. Perhaps ask the Dr if he can prescribe some anti depressants or anti anxiety meds for your husband. I'm so sorry this is happening to both of you. Life is not fair... we simply do the best we can because that's all we can do. Perhaps take him a couple of cookies when you visit? Sometimes that goes a long ways in their attitudes. When he starts blaming, simply get up, tell him you're going to need to leave, then leave. Stop feeling guilty because you've done nothing to feel guilty about.
Keep up with the therapy, because you need the help. Join a support group, too, because knowing you aren't alone in this is very helpful.
The other is "Medium Chill". Very similar to JADE, I would google them both if you want to know more about them. Basically, you are not getting drawn into the drama. This is hard, there's no easy answers, but when you are being drained emotionally, time to take care of yourself. Hugs.
Your husband is in a place where he will be taken care of; you need to concentrate on keeping yourself healthy now. You don't need the stress of him blaming you or anybody else for his situation. Let's face it, as we age, we are not as physically strong as we used to be and taking care of another adult can become impossible & put both of you in a bad situation where you both end up getting hurt. I know it doesn't help much, but you have nothing to feel guilty about - you reached your limit physically and if he were at home, he may fall again with dire consequences.
When he starts playing the blame game, cut the conversation short (or remind him of how he bears part of the blame if applicable). if he asks why you don't talk to him as much, be honest and tell him that his constant complaining and blaming everybody around him is stressing you out. And I'm sure your doctor has told you to avoid stress if you can.
I know I haven't been much help - I hope you start feeling better soon.