I take care of my mom, who lives with me. It seems like she is always finding things to get angry about or things to cry about or be depressed or worry about. In her defense, she has a lot of health issues and chronic pain. She's home alone a lot when I'm at work, and I do notice times when she's trying to be positive.
I'm just tired of all of it and I'd like to vent. I'm sick of her attitude, I'm sick of her constantly finding problems all the time with people or things that she expects me to fix or solve, I'm sick of talking to people on her behalf, I'm sick of trying to play devil's advocate all the time because she thinks everyone is out to screw her over, I'm sick of her feeling like she can say anything to me, no matter how rude, but is extremely defensive and reactive if I point out any of her flaws. I'm tired of her finding all the things wrong with her life instead of things that are right. I'm sick of her crying and feeling sorry for herself. I just want to leave sometimes.
I would make an appointment and discuss anti-depressants with her and the doctor. They not only make many that are not so heavy-duty in this day and age, but they help with chronic pain.
What interests does your Mom have? Puzzles, books on tape. knitting, painting, coloring books? Anything you can think of to redirect her mind off the path it is habitually forming. You are describing hopelessness and grief as well as depression.
Have you tried Adult care. No, its not cheap. But maybe Mom can get Medicaid to pay partial or all of the cost.
Does Mom have any money? Maybe a nice AL? Here in NJ you pay at least two years and then Medicaid can be applied for. If facility excepts Medicaid and has not hit their quota, Mom could stay using Medicaid for her care.
Blunt time. You don't need to pick out her flaws but you do need respect. Tell her after a hard day at work that you really don't want to hear her negativity. You would like to come home and enjoy a nice dinner and relax. Explain that you are now an adult not her little child. And as that adult who is allowing her to live in your house and supporting her, you deserve respect. You will no longer listen to her negativity. You will no longer do for her the things she can do for herself. You will no longer agree with her just to make her happy. You are not on this earth to make her happy. She needs to find that for herself. You know thats hard with all her health problems but her negativity is bringing you down and its not good for her. So the complaining has to stop. If she wants any kind of relationship with you everything has to stop. If not, you will be two people just sharing a space. Or, other living arrangements will have to be made. You have to work but you don't have to continuing to allow her to live with you.
Your obligation to Mom is to make sure she is cared for. Doesn't mean she has to live with you. Doesn't mean u foot the bill. At this point, she needs you more than you need her. I am not beyond a little threat to bring some people around. Yes, her life is not what she thought it would be. Thats not your fault and unless her illnesses were not brought on by neglect on her part, not her fault either. But she will not be happy unless she changes. And your reaction when she gets started is to tell her you will no longer listen, and walk out of the room. She can't complain if there is no one to complain to.
Why in the world aren't they more cheery?
Often as we age we lose all the positive connections in life - friends, independence, physical health, meaningful activities, etc etc etc so it becomes harder to make any kind of conversation that isn't focused inwardly and in a negative way. But just because she is wallowing in in doesn't mean you have to wallow too, come right out and say that you'd rather talk about something more positive, if she can't/won't then get up and leave the room.
I guess there is solace to know we are not alone.
SIMPLY ---- YES, and they do.