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You asked for advice and that was what was given. You said up front you wanted to tell him. You didn't want advice, you wanted validation so you felt okay about going against his mother's wishes. Sorry, it is still not a good idea.
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I am sorry for the impending loss, but I think the 21 y.o. Original poster is a bit of an immature drama queen which is why she keeps going on and on.
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We didn't have a lot of the information when we first answered. I assumed that the gf and mother lived in two different places and the son had gone off to college. Kallboe called him bf, which could be anything. We later learned they lived together. Really, if everyone is living together, I don't know how there could be secrets for long. Since the mother and father are right there, it's not like there are secrets.
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Is this going to be one of those threads that goes on forever? The original post mentioned one exam the next day and another in three days - today?
The son/bf know his dad is in the hospital but not about the decision to stop curative treatments. If he hasn't tweaked to the negative vibes in the house already then presumably he will be told very soon.
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Lol, cwillie. Plus, I doubt she's still here. So many OPs seem to abandon their posts when they don't like what their reading.
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In defense of this poor girl, she replied to all the initial comments the first day clarifying her situation and indicating that she had listened to the advice to hold off, and that she hadn't realized hospice could go on for several months (and did not necessarily mean imminent death.) I didn't even know about hospice till I was in my 20s; these poor kids are just in college. This was potentially a lose-lose situation for the girl and it was thoughtful of her to look for clarification before she went forward.
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Do NOT tell your boyfriend, because it is NOT your place, ever.
I'm sorry you are having to go through this and understand this is very stressful. You are very thoughtful and compassionate to care so much however, it does not sound as if your boyfriends father is literally going to die in the next few weeks.
I'm a nurse and know many people who go on Hospice live many more months.
I'd recommend you follow up with your boyfriends mom weekly to show your concern and get updates. And as long as it sounds like his dad is not going to die that week, AND his mother is still not telling your boyfriend, then you need to keep the secret.
You can make sure the mother knows when your boyfriends finished all his final test so SHE can then tell him about his dad.
Sorry you're having to go through this but making your ? future mother-in-law hate you is not in your best interest either.
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I have no answer - just admiration for the wise, well-phrased, non-judgmental responses posted here.
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I remember being very upset when a relative went against my and my cousin's wishes to tell my mom her sister had died

We had been to the hospital the night before and knew it was coming but it was my mom's birthday and I had bought tickets to a matinee at the pantages theatre months before and we had to decided not to tell her until after the play

Phone rang as we were about to walk out the door and of course mom ran to answer it - instead of having a little enjoyment on her 80th bday she spent the afternoon in tears
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since this post was started im
assuming finals
are over ?
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Kallboe,
Just because his dad is being placed in hospice does not mean he is dying within a few days. It is my opinion, that you should respect his mother's wishes, after all, she wants what is best for her son. It should be her place to tell her son. Telling him before his finals will only distract him, and could be detrimental to his studies.
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kallboe, please give us an update, as we haven't heard from you in awhile.
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