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My brother is the trustee for my Mom and Dads will. My Dad passed in April and my brother had my Mom move in with him. He had a notary come to his house and made himself with my Mom’s signature make him her POA. She has dementia and didn’t know what she was signing. I was fine with it because he was taking care of her. After four months he said he could no longer care for her so she moved in with me. I asked to be on the account her SS and my Dad’s pension go into but he said no. I would need to give him receipts and nothing can exceed $100. Without his approval. I would be given $350. A month to cover food, clothes, toiletries but he would reimburse for doctor and RX co pays, depends, grooming. I asked If something happened to him how would I have access to her accounts for her care? He said a trust attorney had instructions so it would be fine. When I pushed for trust attorney contact info. He now says we don’t need one and I could use my equity line of credit until things got figured out if something happened to him. Should I just not worry about this or have something in place if needed?

Donna, either your Brother doesn’t himself understand the law about what is happening, or he does understand only too well and is cheating M. Also cheating you by not paying you, putting lots of requirements on you, and not giving you enough of M’s money to buy M what she wants and needs.

If it’s the second, and he’s cheating both you and M, YOU are in it up to your neck by going along with it. YOU are cheating M by not questioning it and allowing this to continue. When the chips are finally down after M’s death, you will discover the bitter truth and you will blame yourself for going along with it. Your relationship with your brother will then come to a very very nasty end.

If you don’t like the thought of upsetting B now by asking now for more legal information, just remember that if things go wrong you will be bitter, poor and resentful. And like I said, things with your brother will come to a very very nasty end anyway.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Unless your mother's SS and Dad's pension are $350/month then he is not allowing your mother full benefit of her money. He is exploiting her and using you in the process. In addition to contacting an elder law atty, I would report him to the SS administration. They have ZERO tolerance for this. It costs you nothing to report him. He will continue to behave this way until someone stops him. I'm in the middle of something similar, do not delay.

Don't be like a lot of people and carry the brunt of care/cost of your mother when it can be made easier. She deserves to reap the benefit of a lifetime of her and your Dad's work and savings, not your brother.

https://www.ssa.gov/fraud/
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Reply to DarleenCole
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Jada824 Nov 10, 2024
In order to handle anyone’s social security you have to be assigned by the department of social security to be a representative payee. They do not recognize POA to handle a person’s money.

Report him now and they will investigate.
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If he dies you would apply for guardianship with an attorney.
Meanwhile keep meticulous records.
If you do not wish to do this care and this work, do consider telling brother you are resigning from the care.
You can also consider bringing APS into this. You won't be added to any accounts but they can help you if you can no longer function to give care and need to have your brother put your mother in care.
Good luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Is he paying you as a caregiver? If not he should be and not just reimbursement of expenses and giving you money for her expenses.
Do a quick search for the cost of a live in caregiver in your area. I think you will be shocked!
By the way "she did not move in with you" she was brought to you and dumped on you.
Tell him that you can no longer be caregiver and that he needs to find other arrangements by----------date.
You could also fight the POA, no attorney should have accepted the signature of a person that has been diagnosed with dementia.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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DonnaL65 Nov 5, 2024
No he doesn’t pay me as a caregiver and it’s ok. I just don’t like not having any information in regards to her money or access if needed. I also don’t want to be in the negative after taking care of her because he isn’t allowing very much to cover a lot of stuff. I bought her Pj’s from Kohls and 4 pair were 130. It’s ridiculous I can only get her a few things at a time or dip into my own money. My Mom has money for clothes so why can’t I use it and not be on a budget? My Dad worked hard all his life and now my Mom should be as comfortable as possible.
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Do know also that Trustees act only for a trust and on trust accounts.
No POA can act to do anything about a Trust.
That is a Trustee and that is attorney work, not a simple piece of paper.
As to your being "fine " with not being paid? That is NOT fine. You are unable to work for yourself while you give care. You need shared living expenses and costs. There should be a care contract done by the POA ( bro) and you for payment. And yes, you keep and are reimbursed for expenditures for mom INCLUDING her transportation to and from appointments and etc.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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See a lawyer. Many states do not recognize home made POAs unless they have 2 witnessess and signed off by a notary. This home made document can be challenged via undue influence and that he might not be the POA. You will have to file in probate where mom lives.
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Reply to MACinCT
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If you don't get paid weekly and she pays her own expenses, you drop Mom off at Brothers and let him take care of her. This is BS and you are being used and abused.
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CaringWifeAZ Nov 10, 2024
LakeErie,
I agree the sister is being used and abused. But, I would Definitely NOT drop Mom off at Brother's so that Mom can be used and abused! He doesn't want to take care of her. But he has ensured he alone has access to her money!

This is not a good situation for mom!
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There is no such thing as a ‘trustee for a will’. A will can set up special trusts, but that is getting very complicated. Do you mean that M’s Will makes him executor and trustee? That would make him in charge of winding up the estate after M’s death, and he is 'trustee' only of the money until winding up is completed. Or do you mean that M has given him a Power of Attorney (in charge of her affairs while she is alive). I don’t understand “equity line of credit”.

My feeling is that this is all vague, he is changing his story, and changing the care arrangements after setting it up for himself. He is giving you all the obligations, and he doesn’t account to you at all. It may all be on the level, but you have no way of finding out. The disappearing 'trust attorney' is the most worrying bit.

If you are paying for all the outgoings and he reimburses you after you provide all the receipts, it would be more sensible for you to be the financial organiser yourself. It doesn’t sound good, you don’t understand the legalities (it's possible that brother doesn't understand them either), you are not safe, and neither is M.

My suggestion would be that you say that you are unable to care for M unless you have a clear understanding of the finances and the decision making. I’d take M back to him to care for until you get details. I think you probably need a lawyer to check any story he gives you.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Call an elder attorney now. This minute. Don’t worry about costs. It will cost you more if you don’t. Brother could go to jail for using mom’s money. You need to know what is going on and get it done legally.
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Reply to RetiredBrain
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If you need to get to an attorney immediately & file for guardianship. Your brother is not looking out for your mom’s best interest & if he refuse to show you paperwork that’s a red sign.
Do not under any circumstances use your own money or a HELOC loan.

I learned the hard way after caring for my mom for over 4 years do not do any caregiving without MPOA & FPOA
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