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As they say in the twelve step programs:

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

I have to take the first steps.
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Reform U website-if you think he ia a user.
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From your answers, I think his problem is alcohol abuse. It does that to people. Nothing you can do.
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GardenArtist. You're absolutely right. I don't think I WANT to be involved. It's a bit more complicated than that, for me anyway. He is my friend, we lived together once. He lent me the down payment when I bought my first house. I want the friendship to continue. Friends don't just walk away. And when a situation like this arises, it is very difficult to find that middle ground where you can help within reason and without getting involved. In this case, I don't HAVE to lend him petrol money. I can just sit back and know he has no milk or bread, can't go and fetch the newspaper, etc. If he has dementia, the situation as far as I can gather is that it is NOT his fault. And no matter how much his family SHOULD be involved, the fact is they aren't.

But you are right too. If I can't change in the weeks since my first post, I probably shouldn't be on this site. On other hand, if I can, I don't need the advice.

Thanks!
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There's no reason not to be here; if we asked the ditherers to leave, there'd be no one here. NOW is the time to call APS. He has no milk, food and no means of getting any. This is what they need to see.
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I was just going to add that if his family hasn't stepped in by now they probably wont and then things will take care of themselves. He won't take medications and then something will happen. His "fuzzy" feeling is probably due to not taking meds and not eating properly, drinking, etc. This WILL take care of itself one way or the other. Call APS or whatever you have in your country and then step back. I love my friends but when they won't help themselves and I'm trying so hard, I'm afraid I would have stepped back a long time ago. I have my mom and dad to take care of and just don't have anymore energy to expend to someone that is sick and needs help from professionals that can help him. Good luck to you and God Bless you for all that you have done.
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TimeOut, I apologize if I seemed too final in suggesting addressing your reluctance to let the family handle the care. Babalou makes a good point. And as you explained the situation, it isn't one from which you can pull away easily. I'm sure there will be a lot of anguish as you try to balance what you think should be done vs. what you feel emotionally.

So, yes, come back but just preface your post with an update and the fact that you're still attempting to resolve the situation, but now what you're facing is trying to balance the issues of moving through that murky area of how to address, balance, and reach your own goals...something like that.

Again, sorry if I offended you. It wasn't intended. I can tell you have a sincere commitment to your friend and this is a real challenge for you.
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GardenArtist. Offence taken BUT I shouldn't have. So, I apologise too. I responded instead of thinking first. In fact, my response offended you/ made you feel 'bad'. Sorry. I have take on your suggestion about updates. There is good news today (since last post). Mike passed my window on his way to another friend up the road. Apparently his son and daughter-in-law were at his house cleaning up! He seemed a bit stressed they were throwing some stuff out but I suggested they throw things into boxes and store in shed, and if he doesn't need in a couple of months, THEN they can get rid of those boxes. He liked that idea. He told me they threw out the powdered milk as it was hard (he doesn't drink milk so I take stock him up with powdered for when I go there for coffee); bit anxious there. LOL. Interesting. He said: 'I don't know what I've done to deserve all this attention.' Bottom line. I don't think there is a breakthrough or anything but definitely something positive happening.
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TimeOut: #1 Why do you think you "HAVE" to lend him gasoline money????? If he's drank all his funds up (which, btw, alcoholics do), then that is his fault, NOT YOURS! #2 Locate a church that hosts the addictions support group meetings called Reformers Unanimous (Reform U) and get him (no, wait a minute, let the family GET HIM TO ONE)!!
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Time Out: You don't care if he stinks?HOW CAN YOU STAND TO BE AROUND HIM?!!!!
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Timeout, thanks for sharing your thoughts again.

In the long and short run, sometimes misunderstandings and miscommunications and responses in posts may actually help because the parties then truly realize how the other person is thinking. That sometimes happens in posts when people literally let go and write whatever's on their minds, regardless how violent, but many other times it doesn't occur.

I think it's also easy for me to sit here at a computer and type responses but if I were in that situation, it might not be quite so easy for me to follow my own advice.

And when you really care for something, it's just not that easy to turn off the concern and consideration and close the emotional door on your way out.

I guess the best exchanges are those in which we all learn something.
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Llamalover, do you really think it's someone's fault if he or she becomes addicted? I don't think anyone picks up a drink, or cigarette, or "recreational" drug with the intention of becoming addicted. There are psychological factors involved.
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Wait a minute....he has no food, milk or gas...does he have alcohol in the house??? or did you say he goes to the bar every night? i agree, if he has a drinking problem...all these signs are part of the problem!!
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after rereading you question....this guy has a drinking problem!!! drinks every night at the pub??? of course he doesn't remember the day before!!
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