I have discovered that my 69 year old father has been lying about his health because he doesn't want to worry or burden our family. He's told told two people that he'd rather die than to have the amputation and insists that his alternative medicine practitioners will be able to save the leg.
He's staying with someone who offered him a guest room a couple nights a week so he doesn't have to drive from this clinic to his home every day, about 40 minutes. The clinic performed surgery on him over the weekend but today his blood sugars went so low he went into diabetic shock and an ambulance took him to the hospital.
To make matters worse he's leaned so heavily on his roommate that he'd effectively moved out over the weekend over the row. From what I understand his roommate was screaming at him when he showed up.
I'm not in a financial place to pay for caregiving for him and I doubt seriously that his sister is much better off than myself. I have these people who allowed him to sleep in their guest room asking me what I'm going to do for him. It doesn't sound like he can go home. He can't stay with these people. I live far away from his desired treatment facility.
If he had his own place I could try to stay with him but I can't do that long term without losing my job. If I could bring him back to my home it'd probably destroy my relationship in addition to him going septic or having to have the amputation.
I'm not prepared for this. The people who've let him into their home are suggesting the best thing is that the hospital admits him and provides him the care he needs for a couple days so that he regains some strength and continues on his treatment to recover.
Obviously that'd be wonderful except I know I need to put something into place in the event that's not what happens. Usually I'd have guidance from a medical worker as to what my options are but he's shunned his doctors to the point that they've dismissed him as a patient.
I'm going this pretty much alone, except for his sister but we both live several hours from him. I may be in worse financial situation than she is, I don't know. I'm going to be emailing my bankruptcy lawyer to see if this is a situation the court recognizes and may approve a new budget. I'm turning to this forum for guidance and advice.
I recognize my father is an adult man and is definitely of sound mind, even if I absolutely disagree with how he's managing his health, and therefore I feel like I can't force him to comply with the doctors. Further I don't even know if the doctors may be wrong or if he's let this go so long there's no options at this point.
Thank anyone for their time to suggest what I could do.
He was about your Dad's age and had given up on life. His family could not 'save him from himself' and he got his wish in the end.
Please call the hospital today and get the social workers there to help your father.
You may have to accept that he does go to his home, does not accept treatment, and dies the next time he has a medical emergency. The advice to talk to the hospital social worker is well worth following up. You are going to need help yourself to cope with this, so it should have a double function.
You are not responsible for solving this problem, no matter how difficult it is to accept. Look after your heart and your conscience by making sure that you have done what you can, and then give the problem to God.
My father's generation of our family have been the ones more connected to god than me and I'm glad his sister is there to provide that kind of support for the both of us. Thank you.