I know that this question seems insensitive, however I have observed a pattern in a relative that triggers my suspicion. He has non-Alzheimer's dementia. He still remembers people, places and some recent events, but has short-term memory losses, disorientation to place and time, and behavioral issues. He repeats questions often. The thing is, he seems to repeat questions much more frequently when he disagrees with the answer. I have also noticed that he repeats himself much more around people that give him his way when he persists. In other words, he acts like a spoiled kid in a toy store. Most things I have read about dementia sound like the person goes back in time in memory and that they act out the age of their last memory. Can someone with dementia remember some recent events but then behave like a child? Or, could he be mentally aware enough to intentionally take advantage of his memory loss to get his way?
my mom used to swear on a bible that the president would always come for sunday dinner. ( she thought swarzenegger was president,when she'd see his pic) my dad would go nuts trying to explain why this could not be, i told dad ,'as long as shes not making threats because he didnt show up, were ok.) trying to joke a bit. but when she would tell me how they had a lovely time sunday, id just say ' oh yeah? what did you guys eat?' cool!! that sounds really good, any left overs?' this made her happy....at least she'd smile and not harp on it...when she talked about 'the guy that did that thing over there, remember?'; id be like ' oh yeah, i remember him, he wasnt very nice;'. people in the room would look at me like i was nuts, but it made her happy... if shes happy, thats a good thing, right?
after all, we all do that sometimes. picture youve got 3 projects going at once, someone askes you something, do you always remember what they asked? have you ever walked into a room and thought, 'now what did i walk in here for?' we all do that.
i also notice that its like the more alzheimers sets in, the brain starts 'dumping' un-necissary information, like they dont need to remember what color car they had when they were 32, the brain starts losing knowledge it no longer needs. the brain goes into 'limp home mode' as my car manuel says, its just enough to get you there.
basicly thats why they dont recognise people they havent seen in a while, the brain is dying out with the body, so it only retains the knowledge it needs.i also think that the brain is preparing for death, thats why they get the stare...that glassy eyed stare is being 'reborn' if you will, on the other side.. thats what i think, im not a doctor, just an observer..
its like a chandelier. people are the bulbs. each bulb that goes out is a person they no longer recognize.. so if you havent seen granny in 20 years, yeah, she doesnt know you.your bulb went out and it wont come back on.so while they still do recognize you, make sure you keep your bulb lit. make sure you stick around that person because it must be scary to not know people who say they are your loved ones, but if they have one person they do recognize, keep close to them. once your bulb goes out, its out.. hope that made sense
After reading the comments above, from Jeanne and Cwac, I feel somewhat ashamed of my thoughts that my Mom is faking it, and selfish. I'm glad I saw this posting, because it has brought me a greater understanding of what the illness is doing to my sweet Mom's brain. (She really is a sweet Mom.)
Thanks for the question, Tracy, and thanks for the good and helpful responses.
If you can help your relative recognize her own limits and that she is a wonderful caregiver even if she can't be SuperWife and do everything Hubby wants done, that would be a kindness. And she needs to take care of herself whether he is deliberately manipulating her or he can't help it and the dementia is driving him.
If you do get a more specific tentative diagnosis, that would help you learn more. Absolute diagnoses are only possible via a brain autospy, but usually an educated guess can be made by professionals.
Good luck to all of you.
I am also frustrated because we have not been told what type of dementia he even has, other than it is not Alzheimers. He is scheduled for a test to determine the severity of his dementia next month. I hope that we find out his type so that we can arm ourselves with information.
No. People with dementia do not keep track of how many times they've asked a question, or if they ask it more under some conditions than other others. An outsider may make these observations but that doesn't mean the dementia person is doing it consciously.
My heart breaks for the person with dementia who is treated with suspicion.
The kind of dementia my husband has -- Lewy Body Dementia -- is characterized by fluctuations in cognitive ability. When people with this disease are in a care center that has not handled it before and has not made an effort to learn about it, staff sometimes accuse them of faking it. How can they not know how to do that this afternoon when they could do it this morning? They must just be trying to manipulate us. I've heard about this from fellow caregivers frustrated at how a care center is handling their loved ones more than once. Sad, sad, sad.
In any kind of dementia, there are ups and downs. There are things the person can do and other things they can't. There is not a uniform level of disability across all aspects of mental activity.
Sometimes even new caregivers can't accept the reality of their loved one's dementia. A wife will be outraged that her husband is behaving this way because she knows perfectly well he could do better if he tried -- he could do better yesterday. Sigh.
Sorry. This question pushed one of my hot buttons!