Caring for a loved one with dementia is such a trying experience. It has all but consumed my life for over two years. I'd do anything for my mom, and I've done alot. Sometimes it just gets so exausting, and I crave a life of my own to raise my little boy, and have more time with my family. It's so rough, but I know I'm the only one my mom has to look out for her so I try to remember that this disease is what causes alot of her actions, and behavior. Just let nagging comments go when ever I can, I see other people on this site are also going through this. My heart goes out to you....Hopefully it will all work out to a balanced way of life so we also get the time we need, and deserve. Family is family however so just moving or leaving them just isn't a option. Our moms gave us life, and we have to remember we would not even be in this world without them. So give, and take, and live, and love. XOXOXO
The thing is that no one but you can know when to call the shots and even then you won't. Guilt is a big one for me. Don't all good DILs take care of their in laws. Uh, no.
So, while I did spend the first 4 years doing it all, SIL pushed me to get outside help and I am GLAD she did. Yes, it took time for mom and dad to get used to strangers and yes is was more work for a while but it has been worth it. Sending them to the nursing home for respite has been a Godsend. Another Godsend is the COPES program in our state. This way I can get paid for what care I do give.
Mom and dad won't be getting better. That is just the facts. So I know that the time is coming that one then the other will go to the local home for long term care.
it's all good. Please please don't let guilt coerce you into self torture. I have had to pull back my care from them as I had overdone my services. Their expectations are high due to my loving care those first years - now they say no one ever comes. Well, we do and so do the aides and nurses at the home but just not as fast I did when I didn't know better. I have created monsters by waiting on them. I stole their independence, too. now in backing off they say no one cares. But in time they will adjust.
Meanwhile, I have more time for my still at home children and love for my hubby. Learn to be present - live in the moment. Even Jesus said Take no thought (don't worry about) tomorrow. So, I am learning not to worry about tomorrow. Take each day - each moment - and breathe.
And yes, the whining and griping rings in the background. But my ears are tuned to what the needs are and then letting all the rest go.
final word: Learn to say no. In the most loving way possible be prepared to just walk away. And no, it isn't easy but just do it.