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Two nights ago I felt a pull to go see my mom at her memory care and take her a glass of wine and spend some extra time. I see her everyday and had seen her earlier and she was fine. Took her one glass of wine. Left. They called me later that night and said when they checked on her she wasn’t breathing right. I went over, cause I only live a few
blocks away and she totally out of it, pooped everywhere, rattly breathing. (She’s on hospice so didn’t call emergency.). All next day we thought she might be dying, in and out, won’t eat or even strength to drink out of a straw. Even reached up in her sleep like you see…Sat, held her hand through day. Then today, back to “normal.” What in the world? These ups and downs are exhausting. She’s definitely in late stage, doesn’t make a lot of sense anymore.. this was the first time I really thought it might be happening but now today she’s coherent. It’s exhausting. Anyone have this kind of thing happening? 🙏🏼

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Before my Mom actually passed...there were many days when it seemed like "this is it" and then she would pull through. Each time, weaker , but still going strong.

There were the times when she would be constipated, and it seemed like she would die from sepsis...and then she would have a large bowel movement and go back to normal.

There were times when she would stop eating, and we thought she would waste away...then she would start back eating.

There were times when her responsiveness would go way down...and then it would come back up again and she would start back talking to us.

The time when she actually died...it seemed like a normal day, nothing went wrong that day. She wasn't constipated, her breathing wasn't worse than usual. Ironic isn't it ?

My advice ? Instead of getting worked up each time... just, take a moment to come to terms with the fact that... she is going down. That way, instead of getting frightened each time, you would already be somewhat expecting it.
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If you're interested, you might want to update your profile. Still says your mom lives with you.

Yes, dementia is quite a roller coaster! One day/moment seems pretty normal, the next I'm scratching my head as to what the heck is going on! Very strange. And tiring, no doubt.

Buckle up - it's gonna be a wild ride! I guess all you can do is try to roll with it. Since she's on hospice, obviously at some point she will be passing but I guess there could be numerous false alarms.
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Cp31979 Jun 2023
Thx just tried can’t figure out what to do. But she is now moved to memory care.
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Yes I can certainly relate as I know many others on here can as well. It's a crazy roller-coaster ride for sure.
My late husband was under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life and there were many times when they told me that the end was near and he would bounce back and just keep going and going like the Energizer bunny. That is until he didn't. But even then I was told that he would be dead in 3 days and it took him 41 days with no food to die.
It's exhausting to say the least and like you say it's like being on a roller-coaster. I compared it to a roller-coaster all the time.
And not to scare you but once you get off of this roller-coaster, you'll be on another that's called grief. So hang on tight and just enjoy whatever time you may have left with your mom.
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Be careful about alcohol. Is she skinny? Alcohol, even just a glass, really affects elderly people. Please stop the wine. Let her enjoy non-alcoholic drinks.

In addition, although you might think you got the timing right, that glass of wine might have interacted with medicine.

I’m not saying you did this, but I know people who wanted to speed up their parent’s death, by giving sweets (diabetic), or alcohol.
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david1950 Jun 2023
What ended up happening is that they didn’t speed up death, they just created more health problems and agony for their parent.
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We didn’t deal with dementia or memory care but definitely saw the ups and downs during the last weeks with our parents. Both of them had times I’d have sworn the end was coming and then a rally would happen and they’d seem okay again. It taught me not to attempt to predict anyone’s timeline and to just enjoy the days as they came. It can all be so mysterious
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Not uncommon for this to happen. Yes, there can be a lot of up and downs.
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