Mom has dementia which is getting worse. She has CHF and her legs and ankles are swollen and weepy. The cardiologist keeps increasing her diuretics and changed to a more potent one. He says if this doesn't help she needs to go to the hospital for IV diuretics. The last hospital visit almost killed her. She had to be restrained and had no concept of where she was. She was terrified. She is 90 and living in AL. We actually had to move her to AL becauce she declined so much after last hospital visit. Prior to that she was in an apartment with daily help and was relatively happy there. The doctor said if I refused to take her for the IV diuretics the only other option is hospice. Mom is miserable and wants to die. She says so constantly. I don't know what to do. Do I put her in the hospital where I know she will be terrified and decline even more to alleviate the swollen legs, only to extend a life she is miserable in? I dont know how to make these life and death decisions. Has anyone else struggled with this decision? I swore I would never take her to a hospital again. Please help.
The things you said are true.
Their (c/g) lives WILL be easier if their LO's death comes sooner.
Also less work will be required on their part.
They probably ARE worn out by caregiving.
But I would like to think that my fellow man would place the needs of their LO's FIRST in making the decision for hospice. None of us want to see our LO's suffer.
In my case, my mother is 95, end stage Alzheimer's with all that it entails. What potential does she have for continued quality of life. I am an only child, so I will inherit everything (a couple thousand dollars).
My first thought is that I never want her to be hurting or in pain or having anxiety. I choose hospice BECAUSE of that.
Does it occur to me that my life will get easier when she passes-yes. She won't be here in the physical world anymore. Then that feeling can mingle with the sadness on the loss of my mother.
I'm going to put faith in my fellow humans that they would act on the needs of their loved ones first.
Forever the optimist! 😊
There is the benefit of the 5 day respite when the patient can be moved to another facility to give the family a break, but in the case of dementia they may choose not to do that because of adverse effects on the loved one.
Of course there are frequently the feelings of what if mingled with the grief and the caregivers do get relief from caregiving but their lives have often been so altered by the experiences that it takes months or years to recover if they ever do.
The decision to call Hospice is not usually taken lightly and not usually with the intention of shortening the loved ones life. It is a very hard decision for most families and often taken at the last minute when shelved one is within literally hours or days of death.
I agree with my previous post and those of others that in this case hospitalization would not be the loving thing to do.
I wish you the best.....
Once you have talked to the hospice people they will make a recommendation about her disease and whether they will admit her to full hospice care. There are slightly different rules for Palliative care and the services are more limited but they can last much longer, really good for shut ins who are unable to easily get out for Dr visits. A nurse will visit regularly and communicate her findings to the patient's Dr. There will be other services available depending on the patient's needs.
I am heart broken and miss them so much. I did the right thing by calling hospice to help with the remaining time they had on earth. I spent every minute with the them until god called them home. its the right thing to do for your mom. hospice takes care of everything for you till the very end. good luck and god bless.