My 95 year old Mom constantly crys and moans while sleeping. This started about a month ago. She also somehow watches the clock,and I will hear her saying 1:15, 1:16 etc. Then at other times she will moan and thrash about with her legs and arms waving about. She will cry "God help me, please help me" over and over. When I ask her what is wrong she will look at me, and babble incoherently. She looks totally out of it. Then she will eventually snap out of it, and usually needs to go to the bathroom. Is this common with dementia? She takes no sleeping aids or drugs that should affect her sleep.
2) Love the advice to try different things to help her be more comfortable. Small nightlight, soft music like jazz/classical, a lovey/comforting item, does seem to help with some.
3) Hallucinations (visual and/or auditory) are consistent with Parkinson's especially, pain and disorientation/fear at night is common in general, and sun downing with Alzheimer's. So it's important to try to ascertain what it is and what relieves it before classifying it or disregarding it (not that you are at all, but hearing other people say it's "just the dementia" which may be true in their cases doesn't make it true in hers and doesn't mean nothing can be done). I'd say in my experience at caregiving for four elders (parents and grandparents) and from current experience in an SNF that some but not most dementia patients may have this kind of experience but still most of them can be at least partially alleviated with actions others have mentioned (light, pain relief, caring/calming, something comforting and orienting, low doses of anti-anxiety or anti-hallucinogens). Would help to know things like type of dementia (often don't know for sure, but some can usually be ruled in or out), onset (appeared suddenly - UTI more likely or weeks or months dementia or pain progression more likely). If you aren't aware, UTIs in elderly are nothing like what many experience in youth: they don't usually cause telltale localized pain when urinating but instead cause generalized pain and dementia-like symptoms. Anyone caring for an elder should familiarize themselves (online medscape or the mayo clinic website are good, trustworthy resources). If a patients' pain level or personality changes abruptly within a week, a UTI is tested. All questions her doctor should ask. Which gets to point one. This is a long path for you with a doctor unwilling to help or even examine her (unethical from what is described), and I fear you will both suffer for it physically and mentally. Someone who experiences this every night is not "fine." But you seem to know that, so kudos to you for caring and coming here for advice/help. I hope the info and all of our support does help.
Also, my mom gets agitated at times, especially at night due to the Sundowner's. So she is on Lorazepam to help keep her calm. Seeing as I am not a nurse, I was just telling you what I observed when I worked in rehab at a SNF. I was in no way saying that you shouldn't get your mom checked out for something else that might be going on medically with her. Of course you should! Perhaps the doctor might be able to suggest an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication if needed. Or even pain medication if needed. I was just saying that chances are it is probably just due to the dementia. Just imagine how scary it must be to wake up and don't know where you are, what's going on, or who all of these strange people are! You wake up and you're in a strange environment and you don't remember how you got there! Perhaps they don't know how to verbalize what they are feeling because of the dementia, so they cry and moan. Or they wake up from a nightmare and can't tell if it's real or just a dream. Or perhaps they are hallucinating! I know my mom had a little boy in bed with her a few nights there and kept getting up and going out to the recliner. I told the doctor about it and he prescribed an antipsychotic drug for her, but that seemed to make the problem even worse! So anyways. all I was saying is chances are that it's just the dementia. But that's not to say you shouldn't get her checked out or talk to the doctor about it. If it's due to Sundowner's, hallucinations, depression or anxiety stemming from the dementia then perhaps there's some sort of medication they can give her.
Some sort of light therapy might also be a good idea, or even aromatherapy. Lavender and Chamomile are supposed to be calming herbs that you can use in a diffuser, a spray mist, or even stuff some dried herbs in a pillow!
Best wishes!
I can't say mom exactly cries at night, but there is significant sighing and moaning/groaning, often to the point that it sounds as if something might be seriously wrong, and I have to ask. (It isn't.) There is also some semblance of that going on during the day, but it is a little more like whining/lamenting. (When asked if she is OK, I am told repeatedly "I just like to fuss".)
While all of this can be somewhat unnerving, maybe a little frustrating or annoying, it is a relatively minor difficulty of this venture as far as I am concerned - on the scale of difficulty of all things that make this such an incredible challenge.
Not to worry, I have no intention of trying to outline those things that do tend to do me in. I haven't the energy for that. But I do ask God for help ALL day EVERY day, to get through each minute, hour, day.
And to answer the initial question that was asked, yes, I believe what you are experiencing with your mom is indeed an aspect of dementia.
God help us, please help us ALL.
No she is not taking any medication. I for one do not want her, taking lots and lots of pills. I likewise take heart medication and nothing other than supplements. Before moving to Florida I always went to a naturopathic doctor. Here that is not possible. She also does not want to take anything, that makes her "dopey". Other than her memory, she is pretty "with it" and that is the problem when we are at the doctor. He has tested her, and she passed with flying colors. Then when we get home, she goes back to her "normal" self. I had the same thing with my father. They gave him all kinds of tests and insisted he did not have dementia or alzheimers. Like with mom, they said " he is doing just fine". I did have a visiting nurse for him though that would come in several times a week, as well as a therapist to help him exercise. That was in Tampa, out here they do not provide those services. I wish we had stayed in the city. And no, she will not travel out of town to get care. She already complains because it takes us twenty minutes to get to the doctors office. She does not like to leave the house, and worries that she will have an "accident" when riding in the car.
I do not know if this helps you or not but I am only 57 years old and have the same issues during the night. I think, judging from what my husband told me, the behavior is more disturbing to loved ones than to the person experiencing the disturbed sleep.
Finally, I have a friend in Central Florida whose mother behaves the same way. Fine with the doctor, back to her old self at home. Refuses to get a new doctor and complains about trips. I doubt you are the same person, so you are not alone in your struggles. I wish aging was easier for all of us but it is rough. She does not remember what happened in her sleep which is a small blessing for her sake?!