Follow
Share

I'm a bit distraught today because I got into a bad fight with my brother regarding my mom.


I texted him yesterday to say that I'm hearing lots of people are getting sick with covid who are vaccinated ie mom's hairdresser told us she had 4 cancellations yesterday etc. I asked if we could discuss how safe it was to bring mom to xmas eve dinner (23 people) and xmas day lunch (11 people). He got very angry in his text response and told me he is tired of this subject and we just won't go anywhere anymore - end of discussion - don't want to talk about it. I was so sad that he doesn't have the capacity to engage with me who is mom's primary caregiver 24/7. Later, I told mom to talk to him and he really wants to go, we will go. I was upstairs when mom asked him last night about going and I overheard he said "stop, I don't want to discuss this anymore, etc etc" and so it infuriated me and I went downstairs and read him the riot act and in front of my frail mom ...he didn't react and continued to watch tv.... I left the house with mom begging me not to go. I lost my temper and I feel that I ruined mom's health, xmas and my relationship with my brother (my brother and I don't talk much since he doesn't communicate feelings, etc). This all started with me just asking if he thought it would be safe to take mom. Omricron is raging in NYC right now and so many vaccinated people I know are getting covid. My mom had covid. She is boosted. But she has heart failure, diabetes and hypertension and was hospitalized once already w covid in March 2020. Was I in the wrong to worry about taking her to a party of 23 family members (all vaccinated but not all boosted and many school kids and young adults)? My brother and I never fought in 60 yrs since we don't talk much to each other but this left us all rattled - I really lost my temper for 1 minute.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
1 2 3
This is a ridiculous time to unnecessarily expose your mom.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Since your mom is very high risk, I think you are smart to be very very cautious. Not cruel.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Totally agree that the people who don't want to be careful don't want to wear masks and shut down instead of talking about it should experience it. You are right to protect your mom.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

you were absolutely 100 per cent correct! She’s at very high risk and if he’s willing to put her at risk shame on him. His feelings are selfish…. Period. He’s wrong
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Let us know later on how many attendees caught Covid.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
pamzimmrrt Dec 2021
I for one hope NONE of them catch it during this holiday season,, just so someone can say "I told you so". I would not wish an illness on anyone.
(3)
Report
Omicron is now running rampant in Oz, particularly in South Australia where I currently am, after months and months of being OK. The politicians decided that the economy required all the borders to open, based on the modelling on Delta and just before Omicron hit. No-one seems to know what’s happening. Is Omicron so mild that we can treat it like flu? Are the people in ICU with it just outliers, and we don’t need to worry? The politicians are more concerned with covering their backsides than they are with the people who are supposed to elect them. What was all that lock-down about if now it doesn’t matter and we can all get infected? There is a lot of anger around here!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
cwillie Dec 2021
Around here the main political focus has always been preventing overwhelm of the health care systems, omicron appears to be a milder disease with lower rates of hospitalization, at least among the vaccinated. Plus if anecdotal evidence is in any way credible vaxxed and boosted people who are following masking protocols are still getting this version, even with minimal contact. Because of that I think many more people regard eventual infection as inevitable.
(6)
Report
Three people in our family got Covid. This was all after the vaccines came out.

In April, MIL (partially vaxed with Moderna at the time) gave it to FIL on the first day he was considered fully vaxed from J&J. Brother's Wife, their then-unvaccinated day caregiver, and Brother tested negative. MIL--immunocompromised--required Regeneron monoclonals and had a symptomatic course. FIL was asymptomatic despite all his health problems.

This fall, my 10-yo niece got covid--four days before the kid vaccine came out. Six children around her subsequently tested positive, and many more had to quarantine under the county's procedure. It is notable that this kid did not transmit the virus to either my sister (her mom) nor to my parents (who live a block away now) during her asymptomatic period.

From all this, it's obvious that the vaccines and boosters offer more protection than anything else medical science has to offer.

I got dosed with J&J in April. In August, one hospital decided to take mercy on the J&Jers and offer them a shot of Moderna or Pfizer. (I stupidly chose Pfizer but I did read everything). In California the only rule is that you be six months after your last shot of Pfizer, so I'll be marching in, in February, for a dose of Moderna.

If we contract Omicron ourselves it'll probably be a nice asymptomatic "bonus" for us. But for some, it's gonna be really dangerous.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

One more opinion to add here: I have read that you have to spend at least 5 minutes very close to someone infected with Covid for positive exposure. Masking helps blocks the virus but is better than wearing nothing.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
PeggySue2020 Dec 2021
That unfortunately has never been true. In the early days of the pandemic, it was proven that ventilation systems spread it to numerous tables. It's an airborne disease.
(3)
Report
See 1 more reply
No Covid test or vaccines are 100% effective. Testing negative occurs in the exact test moment. Vaccinations are about 85 to 95 percent effective but can keep someone out of hospitals. Until scientists study and update more, do what is best to protect your self and others..to enjoy life now.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My sig-other final put his foot down regarding his grown children coming to visit us for the holidays. We are both 75, had our shots/boosters when they first came out last winter. Wear masks on those off chances we need to enter a store. He is super careful at work, thankfully half of it is outdoors.

Sig-other retirement job to keep busy is working at a local cemetery. Don't fool yourself, he has buried young children to elderly who have had covid. He's buried young men in their 20's and 30's who parents said were very healthy. Covid doesn't care.

Right now, our great-grandson, who is 10, has covid. He's not enjoying Christmas as he has symptoms. Some adult in that household decided to go to holiday gatherings without being vaccinated or even wearing a mask. Others at those gatherings also came down with covid. Everyone is in isolation for 10 days.

Omicron can be "mild", but "mild" in comparison to having be on a ventilator. You can be down for the count at home for a length of time, and may even develop long-haul issues, such as being exhausted daily. Yes, that is your choice.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report
PatsyN Dec 2021
(1)
Report
Live your Life! If your Mom wants to go to a family gathering and she is aware of all the risks - then let her go. There is going to be "Variant" after "Variant" forever (because there is no true "Vaccine" (like the Polio vaccine) for the Sars Covid Virus - just like the Influenza (EVERY single year). We have 2 Medical Professionals in our family and one is a high ranking Doctor in Chicago - so before you vaxxed individuals post about all your "scientific data" to try to shame those who are not vaxxed, or unmasked, or whatever - or shout "misinformation" - just Stop! Already know the "Science". Sorry to hear about your brother - but this Sars Novel Covid 24-Hour "news" IS getting wearisome. This is still the USA and the Constitution still stands. With that said, you and your Mom and brother need to sit and talk about what is best for your Mom, but don't forget - SHE has a life, too! Her rights and wishes are important. Unless she is mentally impaired - sit and talk together, and for God's sakes - take "common sense" precautions based on Scientific Facts and move on with your life! As a side note - My 84 YO mother (Vaxxed in April) has been traveling with me to visit family in various states in 2020 & 2021. She is perfectly fine and is living her life. Although she does not have the comorbidities that your mother has - granted - she survived WWII in Germany - and her Moto is "When it's my time to go - then it's my time to go - until then I'm living every second to the fullest". Faith does wonders!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
MargaretMcKen Dec 2021
So when she gets it and is infectious, who is going to help her 'live her life'? You - 'living every second to the fullest'?
(2)
Report
See 3 more replies
Rick10 we did wear masks last year when we got the virus so like you said the masks don't give you a 100% protection. If its in your household you can bet everyone will get covid that is what happened to us my mother got it first and at that time the doctors didn't really know how to handle it they sent my mother home she tested positive on July 28th I put her in the hospital on Aug 3rd my husband went by ambulance Aug 4th and I had to fight to get tested which I was positive too I didn't show any signs like they did.

So your belief isn't really true we were masked and we still got the virus.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Mhillwt: My post is going to be a moot point as you've already posted the party is cancelled as the host got the Novel Coronavirus; and there you have it. However, I found it a mystery, at best, that you and your brother were texting when he was in a lower level, "downstairs" from you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Mhillwt Dec 2021
He doesn’t communicate so it’s the only way ie he shuts down quickly so texting is the only way I know how to communicate w him on important topics .. it’s very challenging since I do all the care fir mom
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
I know how you feel. We're mostly vaxxed with the exception of some children and one adult hold out. However the past few months has added some serious health issues to the mix for a 97 year old and two younger. I came up with the bright idea to test before entering family gathering. All but the one adult (non vaxxed) on board. Immediately responded would not be attending - and that would mean 5 others won't cross that line because of the decision. Even if you don't believe in seriousness/plan to live your life without fear/don't believe in precautions - you'd think you could at least agree to a test so others with the illnesses would feel a little better. Nope.

Pleaded, begged, but to no avail. Will go ahead with my testing plan. I know it's not 100% guarantee to prevent it, but it was the best I could come up with. Shame that some can't bend. Especially if you don't think it is a preventative anyway --- what's the harm in taking it? Drama.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
CTTN55 Dec 2021
" I came up with the bright idea to test before entering family gathering. All but the one adult (non vaxxed) on board. Immediately responded would not be attending - and that would mean 5 others won't cross that line because of the decision. Even if you don't believe in seriousness/plan to live your life without fear/don't believe in precautions - you'd think you could at least agree to a test so others with the illnesses would feel a little better. Nope."

So the 5 who followed the selfish one have crossed another line, right? I wonder why these nonvaxxers beg and plead for the vaccine when they get hospitalized (when it's too late)?
(0)
Report
No, I don't feel you were wrong to be worried regarding your mom's well being. Omicron is raging and I think it is better to be safe than sorry. It is understandable there ate feelings of disappointment as well as frustration regarding the situation. But how would everyone feel if your mom became seriously ill requiring hospitalization. Instead of in person for the holiday, how about sharing a celebration virtually? It's not ideal or preferable but it is safer for your mother. Hopefully, all of you can get past the anger and cooler heads will prevail.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

You see, it's been two years since this nightmare coronavirus hit and turned relationships upside down. I don't like to see our world of fun end. I say have some fun with clean hands, vaccinated, wearing masks, except to eat, with as ventilated a room as possible. Please stop fighting with your brother. This pandemic may exist for a long time.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Since you are your mother's primary caregiver you need to just be The One, and don't put your decisions on other people. You know the statistics and the possibility of severe illness and/or death to even vaccinated people because the susceptibility varies so much with every person. Omicron can evade the vaccines so any large gathering, family or not, is too risky. We all dislike yet another holiday season disrupted by the pandemic, but it truly is a pan (worldwide) problem. Many countries handled things better than our country; it didn't have to be this way here but it is, so we must adapt, act almost as if we are in wartime and make the necessary sacrifices for the greater good. So, you were not Wrong to worry, you were smart to worry; your brother just wants a bit of relief from the constant back and forth over 'what to do' coming from all sides; you already know what's right for your mom, so trust yourself. Your brother doesn't want to give you false assurance in case you or your mom gets sick, or worse. I hope you can mend fences with your brother and still have a pleasant holiday with your mom, knowing you are both safe. Big gatherings are not necessary to observe Christmas; wait until it is safer to gather to get together...make it 'Christmas in July' if you want! All the best.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Talk at length with Mom about the risks and decide together. Your brother is a behaving like an A**hole. How much of your day is spent caring for your Mom, everyday. It was exhausting before COVID and now it has worse. It is perfectly reasonable to seek input from a supposed adult who should care enough to have discussion. We are all sick of COVID.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
TaylorUK Dec 2021
I wonder if the brother is autistic from his behaviour and the need to communicate via text, in which case he may non-cooperate due to failure to fully comprehend. However whether he is or has some other problem or is just an a*** I think the author should make the decisions without consulting him for useless input as she is the carer.
(1)
Report
Im rather glad your party was cancelled. The disinformation contained in these comments is frightening. I have heard similar claims on social media. BUT: Masks do not make you sick. Covid is not the flu. (I am a retired Respiratory Therapist.) The lack of staff at hospitals is not due to being fired over vaccination mandates. There is no tracking particles or infertility drugs in this vaccine. The virus was not manufactured by a foreign government and released worldwide to kill Americans to justify our government to take away our rights. Hospitals do not receive $86,000.00 for each Covid death or patient.

Home tests ARE useless unless administered at exactly the right time during the illness. Meaning: You can have covid and be contagious while home antigen test results show a negative. The vaccine does not always prevent a covid case, but lessens the severity and lightens an already overloaded healthcare system if you can recover at home. The virus is passed around through respiratory exhalation, airborne respiratory sneeze and cough droplets and fecal bloom/mist from feces, in flushed toilets, as many restrooms have terrible ventilation; not mail, grocery packaging, etc. Any steps you take to avoid getting sick, whether from flu, cold, covid or any infectious disease are appreciated by us with compromised immune systems, caretakers for lived ones with co-morbidities, healthcare and other essential workers.

You may have covid, feel fine, be asymptomatic, and give covid to everyone you meet. Not all of them have your genes, robust immune system, or luck. You wear a mask and take precautions to protect US, not for YOU. We do the same. Let's all avoid an ER visit if we can and stop with the conspiracy theories. Happy Holidays to everyone!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
pamzimmrrt Dec 2021
(0)
Report
See 4 more replies
Don't be too optimistic about the low lethality of the Covid-19's variant Omicon. First of all, it's not the only virus that you can catch in a large gathering of people. Very old people with a compromised immune system, can die from catching a simple common cold.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Stop the Fear mongering! Omicron is NOT dangerous! It may be more contagious, BUT it is extremely mild. Are you afraid of catching a cold? That is how severe Omicron is. Not a big deal!

Please listen to your brother! He is right! Let your mother have some JOY this Christmas!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

The highly contagious omicron variant can often lead to break-through covid cases (where the person is fully vaccinated), and the people are sometimes asymptomatic. Any large gathering has more risk than small gatherings. Indoor gatherings are more risky than outdoor gatherings. Many people are cancelling their holiday gatherings or are keeping them small. One precaution that can be taken is for everyone to take a rapid covid test before the gathering. People who test positive should stay home and self-quarantine for at least 7 days after their symptoms are gone. It's also a good idea to take a covid test a few days after the gathering. The PCR tests are more accurate.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I wonder if there is a minimal-risk compromise. Could you take your mother to see everyone just for an hour? Keep her mask on the whole time?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Mhillwt Dec 2021
Party cancelled ie host got covid
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
You are not wrong and neither is your brother. This Covid has upset everyone. My 92 year old Mom is loosing her memory rather quickly lately. She has been fully vaxxed and as all in my family have. She will be gathering with all of us this Christmas. 11 people tonight, 15 tomorrow. If she gets Covid and passes at least she will have enjoyed her last Christmas with her family. We will all have those memories of her. She so wants to come and I will honor that. If your Mom wants to go let her, if not honor that. Try to make up with your brother. Life is too short and neither of you is wrong for your feelings. You both are just trying to do your best. Love and prayers coming your way for a peaceful resolution.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
lkdrymom Dec 2021
I agree with your post.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
We are ALL exhausted by Covid. We have to make on-the-spot decisions for our loved ones and ourselves constantly. My own mother lived through much of this pandemic (passing in Aug of this year), but I was constantly making decisions about visits from caring people who were vaccinated and not! So much is on our shoulders. We put the word out that phone calls were like a visit for my mom and everyone understood and complied. She passed from advanced breast cancer at age 95.

I love the expression “This too shall pass”. Perhaps you can open with this line when you speak to your brother again. May calmer waters prevail as we make our journeys through this time. Love will conquer all.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I don't have the answer for you honey. But I do want you to know that I am praying for you and your family. I lost my only brother many years ago, and I take care of my mom. I understand your fears, and the anxiety that this virus has given to the world as a whole. Many people are taking more risks because we all know that this virus isn't going anywhere, it is just mutating. We can only do what we can. I have made sure that my mom is continually updated on any booster that she can get, and do the same for myself. I cannot make choices for other people as far as the shots or boosters. I know this is very difficult for you and your brother and even though I don't have an answer, I wanted you to know that you are not alone and you are in all of our thoughts and prayers. God bless.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Maybe you can arrange a small,immediate family get together later.I've had my two shots and booster and I wouldn't go much less take my mom who's had her shots too.Not taking your mother is the most responsible thing to do
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Thanks for updating us that the party was cancelled due to the host coming down with Covid. I think you were right to voice your concerns and your brother was wrong with his harsh reaction. This was a situation that clearly could have been discussed in a rational, adult way. I'm so happy the situation rectified itself and you no longer have to deal with it. I hope you and your small family can put aside the hurt feelings and have a peaceful and happy Christmas at home.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report

Virtual parties online are not the same as in person, but they are better than isolation. They can also be lots of fun! Attitude is everything. My 94 YO mom was online with her caregiver for my virtual birthday party. I dropped off a bottle of wine and some snacks for them the day before. Mom doesn't remember it, but she had a great time and kept everyone else laughing.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Family gatherings are too much for my husband now. It gets him confused and upset so we don't go. Especially at the end of the day. Considering this and Covid having a quiet Christmas at home!! I find the more I keep him on schedule with no new things thrown at him the better things go. Have to stop and think how his brain processes information now. Very different!! Family gatherings, especially large ones are a zoo anyway so rethink your plans.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter