I am sole caregiver for mom who has dementia for more than 8 years, I feel horrible for telling my mom you are sh*t. and this is the second time I do that in my life. I just lost my temper. I called mom with this after I spend an hour trying to change her diaper and cloths. all feces on her cloths and diaper. I tried first nicely even I think I was stressed and exhausted. I spent nights sleeping only two to three hours only just to prevent the dirt go outside the bathroom or when I hear something I jump from my bed check on my mom make sure she is okay and did not fall this is going on for months and months. I am so tired and I am fogy. I know this is not an excuse to call mom a name. I do love mom and I feel so horrible. I feel I am really bad ugly daughter. Some time I wish I die for being some time rude to mom. I know God will punish me one day when I get old. Someone much younger than me will treat me hatefully. HATE MYSELF. I pray to God to forgive me. But God will not forgive me each time if I repeat it.
How can I control my temper when I am so tired and fatigue. Mom deserve the best
You can pray all you want.....but somewhere, sometime you need to help your higher power help you by making decisions that will move things forward. Anger depression and fatigue are roommates. Get outside help call the Agency on Aging take act, check out local nursing homes for possible one day at a time care.
You are not going to be canonized for sainthood by sacrificing you health. Guess what if you don't take action you will be lying next to your care receiver...........Get moving
Question: Why is it always the governments responsibility to finance and solve problems? It reminds me of fathers not paying child support...its their child. Don't we have some individual responsibility to step up; buy long term and supplemental insurance, Medicare insurance, dental insurance. Forget the new car, things. prepare for the future. OOOOOps! Did I star a fire?
You two need to have a heart to heart talk about a new plan and what is realistically possible given the care needs of your mother. You may be looking at a situation where medicaid is needed and for her to get 24/7 care from people who work 8 hour shifts. Then, you'll need to inform your mother that you are very concerned about her safety and care which you are no longer able to do 24/7 like you have for the last 8 years for her dementia and other health problems are more than realistically one human being can do alone.
cmagnum, yes you are right. I and my brother should have realistic plan. I really need to have a plan to save myself, I feel I am going down to hell. if I can not recharge myself I can not help mom and myself.
Cost containment would have a strong, but temporary effect on the stock market. Seriously, though, I don't know how the US can continue on the path it is on when it comes to healthcare costs. Who could afford it? Not even the government.
My mom can sometimes get to me in such a way where I just want to run away for good. She can get into calling multiple times within a short period of time which over top of everything else can make me super stressed and upset. My temper and patience gets short and sometimes I do say something and then apologize. It happens when I've talked to her 5-10 times in a hour. A few times I've gone into the bathroom, turned on the fan and screamed as loud and long as my poor lungs could handle it!
We're not perfect and can't make a perfect life for our parents. We carry so much and can only do as much as we can. We have to relieve the constant stress and and pressure because our mind, body and spirit cannot live in this fashion. We have to recognize when we need help and get it. I did finally get in home care and thank God I did. It has saved my sanity. And it has helped my parents get care from an untired, unstressed and patient friend to enrich their lives. I fear if you don't, you'll just burn right out or worse.
Of course God will forgive you. That isn't part of the equation. I too truly believe that "what goes around, comes around" and I think I will be in for some rough days in my senior years but I am hoping I also get good compassionate care just as I also have given on the "not so bad" days. When I wasn't too tired, I was able to ask members of my Church for extra prayer on my behalf because I was too tired to pray. Those that understood, stepped up as a Church family should, and carried me through the rough stuff. Sometimes God just wants us to stop trying to do it all alone. It's hard to ask for help in any manner because that guilt voice tries to convince you that you are failing if you have to ask. But, that is when God is able to do His best. Bed days and bad circumstances don't mean you have become a bad person. It just means you are tired. Time to acknowledge that. Just let go and let God bring strength and assistance, comfort and confidence.
Taking care of yourself is extremely important. If you reach burnout, then you will not be able to care for your loved one.
Here are my suggestions:
1. find a source of regular respite care. Pay someone or ask for help @ your church or your friends.
2. Do simple exercises during the day. Exercise will lift your spirits.
3, Cut back on the amount of caffiene, sugar and processed foods. These affect your energy and your mood. Drink more water.
4. Find a few minutes almost everyday to do something you love, whether it is knitting for 10 minutes or reading a book or emailing someone important.
5. Identify three ways to simplify your life. Wear the same clothes every other day. Serve the same meal every other day, with memory loss, it does not matter. Spending 15 minutes every day reducing the amount of clutter in the room(s) where you spend the most time. Just throw out stuff you don't use.
6. Find out if you can pay your bills on line. Then you won't worry if the payments are received on time.
7. Go through your checkbook to see if you can eliminate unnecessary expenses. If you can, then paying for respite care might be easier.
8. Get enough sleep, but not too much.
I hope these simplifying your life steps will help you. I suggested them because they free up your time and attention and brain power. They will give you a little more control over your life.
Do your best. Somedays that is all we can do.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/not-everyone-cut-out-to-be-a-caregiver-162192.htm
the last 11 years to helping her. The more I try, the worse it is for me... I can't even remember who I am anymore... Or remember the beautiful person I used to be... Life is so unfair at times... While it is so short... I guess there's a lot of beautiful good-hearted daughters, sons... that get under-appreciated and it sure plays havoc on us. I guess the question is how do we come out of it?...
I would research what she can afford, if she qualifies for Medicaid, etc. and any other resources. If you don't get support, you may not be able to care for her very long due to your own health failing.