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Sex is not a requirement for a happy life. Is optional. I've had wonderful sex with my hubby, during a certain time, and also lousy. Right now there is more memories of the great younger years. He is much older than me and doesn't function as well (and can't take blue pjll). And I don't have any urges to have him on top of me, for no good reason, and sex toys seem really wierd. But this is just our marriage -- if other people find a different way that works for them, and it is respectful of BOTH parties, then do what works for you. Some folks allow affairs on Friday night only (!!!). But I wouldn't want to bring home a disease. ...
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I know how you feel. I went through this years ago with my husband who has dementia. He has been so mean and cruel and I want nothing to do with him sexualy and have not for a long time. It's a different kind of love now.
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Thank you for having a site available for this kind of talk. About to turn 78 and 80, arriving at organism is iffy for both of us, but the intimacy is the most important especially because his thrashing and shouting in dreams was making sleeping in the same bed or even the same room impossible. At this age, neither body can be counted on for orgasm but the naked cuddle factor is the most important. Sunday is our day, which helps me gear up mentally. If we miss it because of another activity, we just wait till the next Sunday. If that day is also busy, we revert to Saturday. 3 joint replacements on my body don't help and sometimes it's hard because of the extended time factor... hard to remember there were once days when we tried to hold back! The sexual factor in a long relationship is difficult and I think that all we can do for each other is speak for ourselves, and be supportive and understanding in our responses. There's a lot of compassion in the answers above. In the end, we all have to figure it out for ourselves, but know that we are not alone.
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For me is was using marijuana. Liquor was not for me and too long lasting. I came from the "hippie era" so marijuana was familiar. I found it very beneficial at this time in my life. There is very little satisfaction in being a caregiver other than your doing a good job of caregiving. I found marijuana great at getting my head out of today and placing it any where I wanted it to be. Relaxed me to a point of not letting his symptoms interfere with my, now ability, to focus and enjoy. It is a great eraser for the time I need for myself and having control, of not allowing, any negative thoughts or guilt interfering. I have to come back to reality so this short time without reality is enjoyed. Anyone can get marijuana. It is readily avalible. You just need to ask around. If questioned, as to why I am looking for this, I just respond that it makes my life easier in caregiving. No one questions or debates. They will often inquire for me or point me in the right direction. Don't knock it until you try it. No one else is going to take care of your emotional needs as well as you will because few walk in your shoes. Some say I know what your going through...........but no you don't unless you have been there!!!!!!
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