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I would highly highly suggest to NOT up your life and move to another state. You already have an established life - if you move 'because' of your mother, you will only create resentment and anger towards her.

Am only child of single parent. Thus, the responsibility and obligation was on my shoulders to take care of my mother when she aged. Growing up, even as an adult, absolutely NOTHING I did for her was good enough. And guess what - as she aged, that trait just intensified and got worse. (And yes, she lived 25 minutes away (she moved from her home state to be closer to me!) Nothing, and I mean nothing, was every right or good enough - whether I stopped by 3x week for hours on end, brought her to her medical/dental appts., took her grocery shopping or brought her groceries, picked up her rx, made special trips if she was not feeling well, ran over to fix or deal with whatever home/house problem there was (appliance stopped working, the faucet wasn't working, the furnace wouldn't heat, etc etc) - every single dang problem and issue I had to deal with and take care of because when she did, she messed things up royally and made them even worse.

I did this for 30 some years. Mother passed away at 95. I am now nearly 70. Those are 30 years of my life - the best part of my life - I will never get back. And I say that because now am facing a plethora of health/medical issues.

What concerns me is what you wrote: "The director of the Senior Residence is concerned she is failing and will become ill due to lack of family visits. They have also noticed her depression, loneliness, and isolation." She is in a facility. It is up to the facility to figure out HOW to deal with her depression, loneliness, isolation. THEY need to be figuring out activities for her. THEY need to get the doctor to do an assessment/order anti-depressants.

And believe me, when I say, even if you do move closer to her, or her closer to you, she will not change - in fact, she will become more demanding and difficult. Because of all those years with my mother, when she passed, I hate to admit, I didn't shed a tear. It was a sense of relief, a burden lifted. I spent so many years overwhelmed, underappreciated, overstressed, and just plain exhausted - physically, mentally and emotionally. Don't let this happen to you.
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DO NOT MOVE TO FLORIDA! If she needs to be near you, then she must move closer.
1 - Start by researching and finding a residential facility nearer to you that she qualifies for - and can afford (her resources, not yours). She may have to be on a waiting list until a spot opens up. No move until she is accepted and has a place ready for her.

2 - Be realistic with her - and yourself - about how much you can "visit her". If you work full-time, have a life partner, and a social life... you need to remember that those relationships need to be nourished as well as meeting some of her social needs. Create a plan with your partner that attempts to meet all those needs without stressing you out. Then, let her know what she can expect when she moves closer.

3 - Get her a mental health appointment with a psychiatrist - preferably one that specializes in geriatrics. She needs evaluation and treatment by a professional. Be aware that mental health medications can take some time to be effective and may require adjustments in dosages and regimens to find what works better for her.

4 - Ask her to engage with her current community at least once a day: a meal, an activity, a conversation... Her isolation will not change unless she is willing and takes action to engage with others.
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Same situation.. mother lifelong depressed needy..and a sweet angel for everyone.. I became her caregiver at young age since I was oldest.. took on lot of household chores for her because she either would spend half day sleeping from effect of antidepressant drugs or too overwhelmed to do anything. Even when she came out of fog of depression every now and then she became ‘sick’ with headache or gas and expected me to take care of dinner. Best part is she then would conveniently forget everything. I didn’t realize how much adult chores I was doing because she never acknowledged any of it until the neighborhood moms started praising me for it. This was india in the 80s. As a child I was always so eager to do things for her hoping it will make her better and things will be back to normal. But normal rarely lasted long.. lost my father 20 years ago and moved her to US so she can stay with me. Putting her in home was never an option for me.. and I feel would have been harder to deal with. She lives some part of year with my sister so I get a break. With her I see a huge deal of learned helplessness because all her needs were catered to by me.. but now her whining and over concern about her self is almost triggering reminds me of all the times she manipulated me to do stuff for her when I was younger by making her problems seem bigger than they were. I was such a devoted empathic kid always doing everything just to see her be happy .. get out of bed shower.. etc. Now I cannot stand it. Every two years she has a major depressive cycle .. current one has been going on for more than 6 months.. I grieve not having a proper mother who would have cared for me, whose old age wisdom and care I could rely on at this age..like I see other peoples moms. I try to take 1 day at a time..I also lose it quite often .. more than my sister does. Sister is younger and wasn’t the frontline caregiver and chore doer like I was.. yet as a child it always felt like my mom favored her more .., I resented that growing up too. Have a brother back in India who has conveniently washed his hands off her.
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