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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you my story. My sister and 2 caregivers and myself took care of my parents. They moved closer to me in 1997 and brought grandmom with them. i had twin 7 yrs and an infant. Shortly thereafter mom diagnosed with breast cancer, 2 surgeries, chemo & radiation then grandmom declined and out on hospice then died. Mom diagnosed with dementia, dad had back surgery and mom got worse. Did my husband complain? Absolutely! Was frustrated why I was doing the most when I was one of 4. One on disability with chrons other 2 worked. Eventually, in addition to my kids, my husband had to pitch in too. Mom fell and shattered her wrist, hosp, rehab & operation. Dad had a heart attack in rehab for back surgery. Needless to say, things very stressful because dad was no longer the in between caregiver for mom, I needed to attend school meetings, sporting events, etc. Needed visitor for dad, caregiver for mom and then stuff with kids. Husband did b*tch quite often but everyone did. Husband had to be the caregiver many times. At this point the sister who actually helped just couldn't do it anymore and sent an email to all saying this and that she would research a nursing home for both mom and dad. My husband was furious! Over his dead body! Never putting my parents in a home. Said we would sell parents house and ours and move them in with us. Took us a long time to find a house and my mom died before we moved. Now 7 yrs later I can say that was one if the proudest moments of my life when my husband and sons agreed to take on full responsibility for my parents. My husband complained and b*tched a lot. I had read the email earlier and was mentally trying to prepare myself because I honestly never thought my husbands response would be what it was. I would often say to my husband through the years that if it was his mom who needed help did he think that i would sit back and do nothing. Hopefully you won't have to choose. God Bless and good luck. (Sorry for writing a book but I needed to sit and take a break, cleaning bathrooms stink!) 😊
My father and mother in law have lived wth us for 8 years. It took me a while to realize all the decisions my husband made was in the best interest of his parents and not us. Spouses have to step aside in many cases and after a while it gets hard to be second best. My father in law is a horrible person and my husband just got the ultimatum from me. If he chooses his dad then fine. But I refuse to be on the back burner in my life any longer.
When my dad was living with me, my husband and my adult son who has autism and seizures, it just got too much for me and my husband was not happy about it. So we chose to keep our family intact and my dad went to AL. I am still in charge of many things for my dad who recently started treatment for active multiple myeloma, but we (my husband, son and I) have the space we need to be a family while helping my dad, instead of my dad taking all the air out of the room. There can be a better balance and having my dad in a nearby AL has achieved that for our family.
If it were me I wouldn't sacrifice my marriage to care for my elderly parent but I hope that I would have married a man who wouldn't put me in a position of having to choose between him and my elderly parent.
I am sorry...I didn't put enough information on here. He has NOT asked me to choose, but I can see that he isn't happy with the current situation. Even though the caregivers are there, and I only have to spend the nights there, he sees how much pressure I have been under with taking care of her, including financially. I can see changes in him and while we have talked about it, I am not ready to put Mom in a nursing home, and even if I do, my burden will be lifted physically but not mentally nor financially (I take care of all her bills, medications, etc.)
It should have been worded to be more of a general question...i.e. how do you handle it if you are asked to choose?
That is a strange question coming from your hubby after re-reading some of your past postings.
Last month you mentioned that your Mom has enough money to hire caregivers, yet your husband didn't think it was a good idea to spend the money. And now he wants you to choose? Does he have a change of heart of having his mother-in-law use her own money for caregivers?
Just trying to figure out where his question about choosing is coming from.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My father in law is a horrible person and my husband just got the ultimatum from me. If he chooses his dad then fine. But I refuse to be on the back burner in my life any longer.
It should have been worded to be more of a general question...i.e. how do you handle it if you are asked to choose?
Last month you mentioned that your Mom has enough money to hire caregivers, yet your husband didn't think it was a good idea to spend the money. And now he wants you to choose? Does he have a change of heart of having his mother-in-law use her own money for caregivers?
Just trying to figure out where his question about choosing is coming from.