My daughter's MIL lives in Oregon alone. She took in a drifter to do lawn work several years ago, and now that she is showing strong signs of dementia, he has moved into the house and becoming a full-time caretaker. She recently changed her will giving him everything she owns at death, from the paid-for house and her bank account, completely ignoring her daughter and my daughter's four children. Contacting the Protective Services for the Elderly, my daughter was told that there has to be evidence of a crime, an the Sheriff has to investigate first. In the State my daughter lives in, it is against the law for caretakers to inherit property like this.
My daughter needs to know if Oregon has laws like this and how she can contact them. Her mother-in-law will not give permission to contact her lawyer who drew up the new will, not even his name. She appears to be completely controlled by the caregiver.
Please visit MIL frequently to ascertain that she is being well-cared for. You are looking to make sure that she and her property are safe as well as that she is healthy. If either condition is not being met, then another living situation can be arranged. It may take a doctor declaring her "mentally incompetent" and a sheriff' office visit to ascertain that she is not being cared for well before any changes can be made.
Consider what kinds of changes you are considering for MIL: coming to stay with you and becoming her full time caregiver, staying with you with paid help, moving into assisted living or full time residential facility. The last 2 are costly and will usually require all of her assets to pay for her care.
Best way to make sure that as a relative you can inherit assets upon death............ stay engaged, stay in touch and be supportive. In other words ..... be a bit of a caregiver yourself and don't leave it all to someone else.
Part of the problem, as I see it (and my own personal opinion) is it was ok for the drifter to care for her for years and to become the full time caretaker. Only after she moved her assets was drifter an issue. Did daughter and grandchildren ignore her needs? Maybe mom intends to reward the person who has provided the 24/7 care. If mom is refusing to give out details, she still has it together enough to withhold her personal info.
I don’t mean any disrespect to the original poster or other posters.
Here goes, after reading this thread and in particular reading certain comments from a few posters I had a flashback of one of my favorite rock albums as a teen, ‘Dark Side of the Moon.’ Pink Floyd.
Anyway, to reminisce I just played the song, ‘Money’ on YouTube.
It’s all about the money for some, right?
I find many perceptions about money from people to be absolutely fascinating.
Why do you strongly feel that this woman has dementia?
I have to agree with the advice that you were given. It is on you to prove a crime has been committed. I don’t see why the police would investigate if there isn’t a crime.
Do you know this man? Has he harmed her in any way?
Has there been some sort of falling out between she and your daughter?
Is she close to her grandchildren? It is her money and property to dispose as she wishes.
I do hope that she doesn’t have dementia. I hope that this gentleman is not taking advantage of her. I certainly hope that he won’t harm her.
I hope this situation is resolved in a fair way. If she doesn’t have dementia, then it truly is her business and everyone else will have to accept it.
firstly - for those of you who became all judgy - despite that there was no evidence that the daughter - or indeed the DIL and grands had no contact or had not helped the mil prior to this . The dil may not Help due to Being out of state or having young kids alone .. the daughter may have daily contact .. these questions were not asked and answered so some of this is way off base .. and perhaps the daughter in law calls and has FaceTime with the kids — point is - we don’t know! This could’ve been some family home passed on for generations — the writer indicated I think that the dementia and issues were recent — so perhaps they had normal amount Of contact for being far away , knew and had warned mil about the drifter before this and then suddenly find this situation .
anyway — at least ask questions before accusing.this woman’s daughter of only caring about money
thanks
Firstly,
Why is this other woman’s will your business? (It is not even your daughter’s business.)
if this woman died without a will, your daughter would not even be an heir. (Her husband and children would be, but your daughter, personally would be entitled to zero).
Secondly,
Does your daughter even have a good relationship with her mother in law? You never address that. (If they ever did, I suspect all your daughter’s “estate planning” inquiries have subsequently destroyed it.)
Thirdly,
How does anyone even know the contents of the will and whether it was changed? (This sounds more like a suspicion than a fact).
You write that the woman won’t allow your daughter to contact the estate attorney. Even if your daughter could, that estate attorney would be duty-bound to protect the details of the client’s estate planning. The attorney is also duty-bound to keep file notes about the contact which could become court evidence of your daughter’s behavior.
What kind of daughter-in-law would ask to contact her MIL’s estate attorney anyway?
The fact that the woman disallowed a call and refused to provide the attorney’s name could lead me to believe that she is not suffering from dementia.
(And....Will challenges (by a potential “future” heir) cannot even occur while someone is still living!!!).
You suggest that this elderly woman is vulnerable to being taken advantage of by this drifter and that is your concern. You should have left it at that.
Reading between the lines, however, it appears as though your daughter wants to take advantage of this woman for her own financial gain and the drifter may have beat her to it.
Tell the vultures they arrived too early.
Your daughter may be coming for you next.
If there is any legal recourse, a lot is going to be determined by whether the children are blood relations of your daughter's MIL or not.
This is not an unusual story at all. I mean, there is always 2 sides to a story.
My question is, Wonder why MIL had this lawn worker as a caregiver and not family?
Which ever the case, I guess it is her and her attorney's business.
My neighbor recently told my husband that he changed his mind about leaving his things to his son. He said, He wasn't going to leave him nothing.
Why? Because his son is never there for him. Makes sense to me.
MIL lives in Oregon.
Her son lived with DIL and their four children in another state until Son died, only six months ago, having fought cancer for a considerable length of time.
MIL and her own daughter have (I think?) been estranged since before all this happened.
I'm not clear about whether the drifter first parked up on MIL's land (with her permission) before or during Son's illness, or whether his arrival/presence had any (good or bad) effect on how MIL tried to cope with it.
The OP is seeking to support her own daughter, the DIL, in what must be a very difficult and emotionally fraught situation.
Do we know how old the children are, anyone?
I ask only because if the original will states if one of the beneficiaries pre-deceased the person whose will it is, then that beneficiary's share goes to any of the beneficiary's issue equally, and that has been changed, there *might* be cause to fight the will later.
But if the children aren't her son's biological children, then the courts are less likely to overturn an addended will, regardless of how close the relationship might have been.
It's a nitpicking little detail that becomes very important if this goes the route of contesting the will.
I am sorry for the loss of your son in law. Your daughter and her children must be devastated and then to have MIL adopt the maintenance man as her sole heir is just another hurt on top of a broken heart.
I pray that you find the answers and that this man is truly doing a good thing for the woman he is caregiving for.
May The Lord God bless you all with peace and comfort during this difficult time.
Edit: if you can not find the information, call the Oregon attorney general office, they are very helpful in directing you to answers.
Don't forget, there are rules in every state about being able to contest a will. And even the simplest will can take months to probate before the beneficiaries get the assets. Add a house into the mix, it can take much longer. Contested? It might drag through probate court for years.
If this man is a professional thief, he already knows that. In my experience, unless you are talking about something complicated like a pyramid scheme, most con-people like "hit and run" sort of scams. For example, if daughter's MIL has added this man to her checking account, he can empty the account out now. Once she passes, however, he has to go to court, get the paperwork to add his name to the account, get another tax number (account will go from her name to "the estate of" her name, hence the new tax ID number) apply to have the property put into the the name of the estate before it can be sold, etc.
However, she can start giving him money, property, etc. now before she passes - then it doesn't matter what the will says, because there will be no assets left to distribute.
Your daughter might have to hire a private investigator to come up with enough proof to start a law enforcement investigation. But she needs to understand that, if her MIL has grown close to this person, and gets angry at her DIL for "interfering" it might permanently damage their relationship past the point of reconciliation,
It's a sucky situation, I hope your daughter can get some help dealing with it!
Well, the movie with Jamie Lee Curtis, ‘Knives Out’ is also similar.
The patriarch of the family was very sly! Don’t want to tell the plot and give away the ending in case anyone wants to watch it.
This movie has a couple of interesting twists and turns and I loved the ending! Good movie!
Money can destroy some people’s relationships!
Or should I say that certain people can have a sense of entitlement and become extremely greedy and will do anything to get their hands on the money!
She should try to discuss this with her MIL and see what is really going on, perhaps get permission to talk to her attorney to see if they think everything is on the up and up. Good Luck!
I too have seen the movie where the kids ignored the parents and I saw plenty of poor souls at my Dad's nursing home that were so lonely because their family just left them there. But I am listening to you, and you are saying that your daughter and her children are there for the MIL. So encourage her to do all she can. Make sure to stop by and make sure she truly is being cared for. Is the house a mess? How does she look? etc.
Most states have laws that if there was no will (not the case here but I am making a point), then the estate goes to the nearest BLOOD relatives and divided equally. So our society does consider this to be the normal way of things, leaving to family.
My friend was a juvenile diabetic and an only child. Her Mom had her at 19. Her Mom did a lot financially for the daughter, her DH and 2 girls. Paid off their house, bought them high end computers, paid tuition and bills. My friend died in 2013, DH 2 years later and Mom at 89 just this last month. I lost contact with the mother because I was caring for my grandson and then my Mom. I saw her one day in a store and she introduced me to a women a little younger than me. She told me they had met at something and that "Barb" had become a goid friend. Helping her and just being there. I am not saying that little doubt didn't go thru my head because this woman had a very nice home and money. But I met Barb a couple more times and liked her. I had been told by other people that she pretty much had been abandoned by her granddaughters. The oldest had drug problems. The youngest had challenges of her own. So all she had was Barb. So I have wondered, who inherited. I hope not her grands and if so trusts were set up. And neither (who I know well) really don't deserve it. I hope it was all left to Barb because this is who was there for her.
So, who is to say that a Caregiver , unrelated, doesn't become family. Doesn't have a strong bond with the client or friend.