Has caregiving cost you a bundle personally?
I have read so many heartbreaking stories on here about various caregiving situations. My mom helped caregive for both of my grandparents but while they did not pay her, they did have insurance and savings for medications, supplies and of course their health care coverage paid their medical bills. My dad worked and mom was a stay at home mom, so she did not quit an outside job.
I hear about so many people who quit their jobs, take out loans and exhaust savings paying for medicines and treatments and supplies for their parents and many have their own children/families. Are the majority of these situations like my parents where one spouse works an outside job and one stays at home caregiving? Are adult children moving in with their parents into their home and using their parents pension to live?
I just don't see how the caregivers make it financially. I am thinking about things such as if you quit your job, you are not paying into any social security or a pension (depending on your job) for yourself. If you take on loans for medical treatments, how do you pay them off?
Also, many of the parents I see mentioned are in their late 70's at youngest with many in their 80's and many have nothing. No savings, some with no home and many with no insurance. How? Do insurance companies drop patients at a certain age or is insurance not afforadble? I just know my relatives always kept insurance even if it meant giving something else up.
I also have known people to quit jobs to caregive with young children and there seems to be no thought into college accounts and sometimes even basic needs for their children.
If you are in this position, how do you make it work financially without going into bankruptcy?
May God Bless the caregivers.
My brother and I both agree when she gets to the point when the disease advances, we may have may have no other choice but to put her in a nursing home, despite objections from her sister (that also has Dementia) telling me "I can NEVER do that.
Support and legislative action is needed for caregivers of Dementia/Altz as the population is living longer, and more folks are being diagnosed with this horrible disease that impacts the lives of family members.
I often wonder what is worse cancer or other physical disorders vs. the mental Altz/Dementia disease.
Caregivers today are the true and unselfish soldiers, like those heroic soldiers that fought in our many wars, that picked up their fallen commrads while the bombs were exploding all around them. Most all were scared and some emotionally ran for the hills, but the vast majority of these soldiers did what they had to do to provide care and support to their fellow man or woman. Today, the vast majority of family that can help have chosen to run for the hills, as their lives are so much more important...and as they say..."life goes on".
The primary caregiver or caretaker is in the vast minority today, and has a "huge" emotional and financial burden and sacrifice to put their arms around. Those that take the position that well, "it's your choice", will, in my opinion have to answer to someone...and I am thinking that will our God. After 10 years in trying to explain to my brother and his wife the incredibly demands on a primary caregiver, it basically all fell on deaf ears. And yes, you get so worn out, they you begin to lose your drive. For so many years, we (caregivers) had a dedication and focus to provide personal care..out of genuine love. Along this path, we were slowly walking into a fog that became more foggy everyday...a slowly progressive walk into the depths of darkness, without the moral and emotional support from "family". Time becomes frozen, and other than those that have walked through this journey... most will never understand nor appreciate.
I walked down the caregiving path for ten years plus, and aside from simply the demands of personal caretaking, there is an enormous amount of other issues to try and put your arms around, from record keeping to scheduling appointments, from arranging and discussing with physicians and nurses, to physically transporting, seeking outside caregiver help, interviewing, documentation, med dispursements...keeping an eye out for everything. And in between, meals, laundry, cleaning, groceries, bathroom assistance, changings, etc. Any wonder why a caregiver becomes burnt out. Oh...and then there is in most cases, worrying about financial matters.
Caregiving is a very difficult task, and depending on the level of confussion and disorientation with an elderly person, adds another high level component of stress to the caregiver.
Joycews, yes, an incredible drain financially, and yes, bankruptcy is likely somewhere down the road for many primary caregivers, including myself. I believe the American Alzheimer's Association stated that there are some $15 milllion unpaid caregivers for people with dementia, at an annual cost of some $200 billion. I am addressing this is my book.
Yes, God Bless all of your caregivers. Don't let anybody take away what you have sacrificed out of love and compassion for your parent or other loved one...for God is watching.
Hugs to all of you.
I certainly understand. Mom is in NH now. Your right, the care I gave her is not what the NH will. Mom was receiving one on one and only one TLC. An aid must have more than one resident to look after on her shift. I know my mom asks that she wants to go somewhere to live where it just her and an aid / nurse to watch over.
In the meantime, my suggestion is do the best with your mom. If u r able to get to know who her aids are an recognize how they interact with each other. Eventually, you can have trust with them that they are doing there job and showing compassion .
You can function when you develop the trust with an other care giver.
Do you have a strong spiritual leader, friends, other family members that you can confide in and support your emotional and help guide financial stability back?
Take care of yourself. I decided to get back to excersise and bible study and friends to get through my emotions with my mom when she was long term resident at Nh.
Keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.
Hugs to you
Equinox
Is this typical after years of caregiving? I mean when I think about myself, i even think in the terms of an 80 yr. old woman, and I am in my late forties! I just feel life has come to an end, has this happened to anyone else?
There's a big different between the time our parents cared for their parents and now. Health care didn't eat up most of a person's income with co-pays, etc. back then. Also, one wage earner often could keep a family going. Now, it's harder to do that. We have much more to consider financially than most of our parents did. Yet, many of us dive in and do it anyway.
You may be interested in this article I wrote on the subject:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/quit-job-to-care-for-parents-150227.htm
Thanks for weighing in on this important topic. It presents a huge dilemma for many adult children.
Carol