Been 8yr caregive for MIL w/Alheimer's. Husband does nothing to help. Help me!. I can't go back. Have begged husband to put MIL in in-patient mem-care. Her ins. + Vet's income wll pay all, though takes awhile to get Vets. Ins. alone pays 80% for 100 days/yr., He won't even do that just to give me a break. I just can NOT go gack to house with her there. My husband SAYS and SAYS and SAYS (empty words!) he'll help, but he never does. I'm already taking Effexxor and Klonopin because of her, and am stilll a mess. I just can NOT do this any more. I left. I just packed up and ran away. Now and told him to call my cell when his mother either died or he put her into in-[atient care.Now what do I do?
You probably have his attention now.
I am so glad you got all of the above support for your position. If your husband comes around, welcome him with open arms and make things better. I guess if that doesn't happen you have to be really honest with what you have - or don't have - in the union you entered in to.
I am an only child so I have no one to lean on but myself. My kids live to far away and don't really understand anyway what this is all about.
I agree with everyone, take this time to find out again who you are and what you really want out of your life. You didn't say if you had kids or how old you are but now is your chance, so don't look back, just find you and take care of yourself and hopefully the rest will fall into place. Take care and good luck!!!!
I could be wrong, and hope that I am, but if you look at the evidence, you have to consider it. (Watch your back, Mimsey! and check with a lawyer!)
I'm being sarcastic, of course. You've put up with too much crap and been taken advantage of. Thing is once your MIL goes into a home, you may find she's so far gone that she *doesn't know and doesn't care*
I think most of us not only know our limits, but also deep down know when we've done all we can, as far as we can, because the other person is no longer capable of appreciating it.
Refuse to feel or accept the guilt - do NOT entertain it! Your husband ought'a be ashamed of himself - You're a bigger man than he is right now!
Prayers to you and yours!
good point about the value of physical therapy as dementia progresses. I think I will try to get my husband to do it because I need him to be able to walk for as long as possible. But a point will come when it would be kind of ridiculous.
Don't feel too bad about "wasting" that time. You can feel that you gave it your all, did your best, and learned that you don't need to do it again.