Is there anyone out there besides me who wishes their mother would die? This miserable woman has lived with me for 5 years and I don't know how much more of her I can take. She is constantly trying to start an arguement with me. I don't get it. She has 3 other children who want nothing to do with her, I take her in and I get all the crap. Someone, please, just tell me you understand...all I want is a little sympathy and understanding for someone!
So, no, wishing the end could come is totally, totally understandable under these circumstances. There may have been reasons she is the way she is, something in the way she was brought up, and thought it seems to be hoping against hope that any positive change could occur, I will pray for that. Some people just build up these huge horrible walls where they do not understand that forgiveness is possible and they therefore cannot begin to admit they have ever been wrong or at fault for anything. It is an unimaginable prison they construct and has nothing to do with rationality or reason, it is just maintained at all costs to them and the other people who can even be in their world at all.
She is NEVER anything but vicious, saying unspeakable things about her sister, blaming my brother's wife (not his decades of heavy smoking) for his death, and blaming me for every misery she and my father had for the last decade before his death from cancer. Even the cancer is my fault. Everyone who refuses to support her fictitious reality is a liar and "mentally sick."
She accuses absolutely everyone who comes near her house of stealing from her--when in fact, the truth almost always turns out to be that she hid things and forgot. She claims not to remember any of her misdeeds or cruelties, and concocts preposterous allegations out of thin air against the very few people who bother with her anymore. She gaslights anyone who dares to mention the horrid things she has done--it simply never happened and is a hurtful lie told to be cruel to her.
She has no friends. She allowed no friendships while my father was alive because she was convinced that every female was "after" her husband--even her sons' wives and nurses at the hospital. She has despised every partner her children have had. She wants visits from her children (and grandchildren) only, but spouses are not "allowed" in her house. She screams at her 80 y.o. sister and threatens physical violence. She abused my father while he was ill and kept him a virtual prisoner. She verbally, emotionally and physically abused me as a child, until one day, at about 15, I had enough and smacked her face and her glasses went flying and smashed and then I picked up a dining chair and smashed it on the floor. I wanted to smash it over her head. She never hit me again.
She never has anything positive to say, nothing is ever enough, and she loves to threaten to "cut off" people she is supposed to unconditionally love. Any attempt to call her on her behavior results in instant boo-hoo, poor me, blubbering--she's always the victim.
I have to keep my child away from her to keep him safe. I cannot leave her alone with my child. I caught her interrogating my child when he was a toddler, trying to get my child to say his father hurt him. Nothing could be further from the truth. She actually wanted me to *give* my child to her to raise (and she was in her late 70's and my father was practically bedridden with terminal cancer)--and this is a woman who did not bother to see me while pregnant, nor be present at her grandchild's birth. She tried to convince me how much better my life would be without the nuisance of a child (that my spouse and I planned!).
Sorry to ramble, but my mother is a waste of oxygen, brings nothing but pain and heartache to everyone, and I will rejoice and be deeply grateful if I outlive her. She has never done anything but damage to anyone in her life.
For so many, her death will be the end the pain she inflicts, and we can finally start to heal.
I hope things get better for you. Good luck & God bless