EMS tells me he needs to be in nursing home. I can't afford to hire help costly.I can't go anywhere only to store ,drugstore and maybe once in while small stores not far away. He doesn't like it when I walk over to visit neighbors,if I do go to store just to breathe he calls me on cell phone all the while. I cannot sleep any more .I lift and cut his food up,help him dress .put shoes and socks on him..At times he acts like he cannot do by himself but seen him do it. My body is taking ahold on me ..he is 279 lbs and I am 122 lbs all his weight is on me while lifting him up.Most of time he can't get out of recliner or any chair or put his legs up on bed.I am totally brunt out and in pain my own self..Don't know what to do..Any advice for me please!
I just want to tell you that a neighbour down the road his dad had als and his wife nursed him and wanted him to die at home she cared for him at home BUT had 7 very good caring kids and inlaws who ALL helped and STILL last few months she could take no more and he has gone into an ALS home as he was wandering at night.
If this woman who truly loved her husband couldnt cope even with 7 super helpful kids ALL living locally and sharing the care couldnt cope what makes you think you can? unless youre superhuman.
I saw this woman recently and she looked content and healthy she visits him every day and night he gets the best of care and kids visit on a rota hes happy and adjusting well.
I hope this helps you as at some point with every good intention they will need more care.
You did not say if his medical problem was physical, mental, or disease related but no matter what it is you NEED IMMEDIATE HELP!!!! I might even pick up the phone and call the police and tell them my story and ask if they know how you can get help. You basically can leave no stone unturned in terms of calling and asking anyone and everyone for help.
Have you ever thought about checking yourself into the hospital for exhaustion? It seems like someone should listen to you if you do this. I know this sounds horrible but sometimes you have to be a little over the top to get people to listen to you. By that I mean, CRY, plead for help, say you are sick and need help yourself. I know that sounds terrible but to be honest, I cry easily anyway and have had horrible panic and anxiety attacks so my over the top behavior was real but it made me see that my sister who tries to act so controlled when she feels like she is dying....well she gets no help because she seems fine, when I break down crying because I am sick, I get help.
You are dealing with more than illness here and you need to address that issue as well, your husband is abusive and controlling not to mention threatening and about 3 times bigger than you. He needs to be kept away from you forever!
If you put your husband in a NH using Medicaid they cannot and will not take away your home or your car and I believe you can even keep around $125,000 or so depending on what state you are in. Have you tried calling a nursing home and talking with a social worker or administrator and telling them how sick your husband is and that you are having problems with his doctor not signing him in, yet EMT's have told you he needs to be admitted.....AND YOU ARE UNABLE TO PROVIDE FURTHER CARE FOR HIM? Call a nursing home and just ask it doesn't cost anything to ask and they may put you in touch with a doctor who will sign him in.
You have to protect yourself, mentally, physically and emotionally. You may love your husband, but you cannot take any chances nor should you live in fear.
God Bless You!
As a caregiver you must look after yourself. There is no benefit to anyone of your health suffering so much. ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Joan
Social Services may advise you to apply for Medicaid. You are allowed to continue to own your home and a car. There is a Medicaid program designed to help keep people in the community, out of nursing homes. (In our state it is called the Elderly Waiver program.) Possibly with a lot more help, and more equipment, you would be better able to have your husband at home. If that isn't feasible, Medicaid will cover a care center.
Marcy, you cannot and should not continue to shoulder this responsibility alone. Get financial help so you can get physical help. I think a good place to start is with Social Services.