Midkid58 Asked November 2019
Cancer Cure!!
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It’s encouraging that DH has volunteered to skedaddle you out of your son’s house, if tensions are running too high.
Should the need arise, hold DH to his word.
There are million ways to celebrate a holiday. It does not matter if your way does not match someone else’s expectations.
Take care of YOU. Everyone else will be fine.
I won't be the one causing problems--I still have chemo blisters in my mouth (think nasty canker sores), throughout my whole digestive system and beyond. Talking is painful. (Trying to be delicate). Even sitting is cruel...but they're slowly healing and yes, I have medication for them so at least they are under control.
One day at a time!!
Yes, I'm, cured, but he wants me to do a bi-monthly infusion of rituxin ( the main chemo poison) for the next two years. This is something that is relatively new and may or may not be covered by insurance and we don't HAVE $200K kicking around to pay out of pocket--so I was a little bummed. I guess a 'cure' is just a term for 'well, this is gonna get you eventually, let's do the best we can to keep you just off balance enough healthwise you won't feel like yourself for a couple of years still".
Just feeling sorry for myself. I did tell him I would do it , even thought he gave me the option to simply stop all tx and just live. I'm tempted to do just that--and see him twice a year for who knows how long---but I would like to hedge my bets.
It won't cause more hair loss or anything other than the normal s/e I have dealt with for the last 7 months---just kinda hoped to not see the inside of the infusion center again.
Ah well--while I was waiting I talked to a lovely man who was with his wife who is now in the final stages of breast cancer. 4 treatments...and now it's in her bones. They're just buying some time for the holidays. They were so sweet together and he was so attentive to her (and there I sat, as per usual, DH didn't want to come)....and so I asked the man about HIS take on his wife's battle. He was just so loving and sweet, I could not help but cry a little. I would have liked that, even just a little from my DH. The man went back with his wife, but stopped and gave me a hug and said "Your husband is probably simply terrified at the thought of possibly losing you. Give him that".
And I will. He was an absent caregiver and as hands off as he possibly could have been--but in his heart, I need to believe he cares.
Hair is growing in, I look like a little lamb. I just have one bald spot right on the top of my head that looks so funny. I literally count the new hairs every morning.
My sister is having to battle lymphoma now, 2nd chemo after Christmas.
I don't want either of you to give up! So I will be here for you in the long run.
I know when I was in remission, the oncologist wanted me to continue a certain pill for another 5 years. No thank you. I had enough issues with the side effects. I will take my chances !! All of this was ten years ago. Even my surgeon had agreed with me.
Insurance will NOT pay a dime for the aftercare Rituxin infusion, so it was an easy decision to make. Even with the financial 'cut' the hospital would give us, it still comes to well over $150K and we simply don't have it--well, we can cash out our 401(K) early, but this would mean we cannot buy the 'retirement' house we'd wanted. Our current home has like a zillion stairs and 1 car garage that DH parks in. It's a great house for a young family and a nightmare for elders.
My trip to Seattle was actually a real nightmare. I was SO SICK and my DIL and son got really angry b/c I didn't join in on as much as they had planned---as I TOLD them I wouldn't be able to do. Christmas day they videochatted with me and ripped me to shreds for my 'bad attitude' and negative comments to everyone about what a lousy trip I had (I hadn't said much to anyone, except that with 3 wild boys and a crazy dog, their house is quite chaotic. That got back to them and now they are not speaking to me.) This 'chat' was within earshot with the entire family. Being attacked like that--not cool. They want me to be perfect and I am far from it. I wish I had not gone at all---they are so angry and unforgiving. I handed the phone off to my DH and went and packed up our stuff and got in the car.
Of course, I wrote a long email to them both and apologized up down and sidewise, but I have heard nothing in 5 days. They didn't even bother to acknowledge the gifts I sent and didn't get us anything (they never do, so, whatever) but they didn't even give us a Christmas Card.
I don't know what to expect, going forth. They never acknowledged the cancer, never called or troubled themselves to see how I was, so to them, maybe they felt it was not important. I feel so sad, 17 years of bowing my will to theirs to keep peace in the family. Maybe it's not worth it.
Of course, DH said nothing and will never say anything except the same "Oh, you know your mother has mental health issues." Like that helps.
Just a rant. Time will heal this and if it doesn't then there's just going grey rock with them and not having much of a relationship. It happens, I barely speak to my son anyway, it's not much of a step to stop completely for a couple years.
I hope 2020 is better. I'd say it couldn't be worse than 2019 but I won't tempt fate. I have been blessed by this community and the 4-5 good friends I have. DH couldn't be supportive and I forgive him for that. He currently has a man-cold and I have filling his hot water bottle, giving him cold meds and hot soup round the clock. He won't even get out of bed to get a cold drink when he's sick. I have officially done more for him in 36 hours than he did for my entire chemo regimen.
Whatever. I AM feeling better and for that, I am supremely grateful.
One sees TV ads for cancer treatment with happy smiling faces of patients doing their daily routine. Yeah right, in who's dream does this happen? The ad tells of the side effects, which are very common, and THAT should be shown to let the world know how one really does feel.
My sig other was no help to me, either. He felt he was doing his share because he was taking me back and forth to the doctor, and had to sit in surgical waiting for my cancer surgery to be over.... oh poor baby how did he survive that hour and half wait.... where is his parade :P
Take one step at a time. Do what you feel comfortable in doing. Don't over do it, as the next day you would be down for the count. I found going out where there are crowds, like dining or shopping, was too much for me. Home was my comfort zone. Then when the time was right, going back to work was a great distraction. Distractions are a great healer.