Recently, my mother was diagnosed with a Gleoblastoma (Cancerous Brain Tumor). There where no signs that this even existed up until 2 weeks until we found out. She was life-flighted to a Neurosurgeon in a nearby town, about 120 miles away. They did an MRI and found out that it was one of the biggest tumors that they had seen yet. She got surgery, but they where not able to extract all of the tumor. They would have been cutting into healthy brain tissue other wise. Well, after the surgery she was doing very good but had some short term memory problems, and right side peristalsis because the tumor was on the left side. After the surgery they where going to send her to a rehabilitation center in the area with intense physical therapy, but my mom decided to come back where we live and go into a nursing home/Rehab center. She was doing good for a longtime, getting stronger, and they even had her walking about 20 feet. She was doing radiation and chemo therapy, and things seem to be going well. Well, after this course of treatment she had a 3 week break from the chemo because they said that they had to do this because they had to give her time to recover from it, so they could re-start the chemo a different way. She was taking the drug called Temadore, very rough on the system. Well, she had went back for another MRI to see how things were going and they were not going well at all. The tumor had come back, and it was larger than it was before, so they were going to recommend hospice. Now here is where it gets tricky. My mom's advanced directive was a full code, that means to Resuscitate her and do CPR if necessary, and to put in a feeding tube in her. Well, when my mom was awake I had talked to her and I told her that she had a full code on her, she asked me what that was and I told her. I then asked her if she wanted a feeding tube if she could not eat, she thought about it and said no, then I asked her that if her heart stopped if she wanted them to do CPR she then again thought about it and said no, then I asked her if she wanted me to change her advanced directive to a do not Resuscitate, she told me yes, and said no more pain. So I did so, but before doing so, they did not explain fully what I had changed this to. They did not tell me that they would not put in a feeding tube, they would take away all food and drink once it became more difficult to eat, and take away all medication while she could not swallow. They could have in my opinion explained all of this that way I could have changed it back to a full code with a feeding tube. Then when we finally did decide to have a feeding tube put in, they said it was too late, the dying process had already started. I told them that we had wanted a feeding tube put in, and they ignored a full medical power of attorney. Not only that, they never got my permission to put an NPO on her (No Food or Water) they did not notify me that they where going to do this. I would have objected, and told them to once again get a feeding tube into her. That is not all, my mother had a very massive seizure at 6:00am Sunday morning, and we did not know about it until 10:00am that morning, they had all of our phone numbers and should have called us immediately. The NPO is how they murdered our mother, because they took her off of all food, medication, and drink. And like I said earlier, they should have informed us about what this, and a DNR meant. If there are any attorneys or people that know attorneys please let me know if you think we have a case, and other people of this forum, please let us know what you think. Word to the wide, do not get a DNR because this is what they will do to you. Any help in letting my know if you think that we have a case where we can sue this nursing home please let me know. I want to contact an attorney before 180 day's that is what it is in the state of Montana. Any help, or advice would be appreciated.
At age 65, my Mom had experienced some vaginal bleeding, not normal at that age. She had a D&C, and the Dr said she stopped counting the polyp's being removed at 100, again Not Normal!!! Being naïve of such matters, it never occurred to me to inquire whether or not biopsies were done at the time.
Fast forward 10 years, Our Mom had recurring problems, and this time, a uterine biopsy was performed, finding advanced uterine cancer, for which she had a Radical hysterectomy, followed by 30 straight days of radiation therapy. During this time, we lost our Dad to Pneumonia, it was a horrible and very stressful time for us.
On Mom went on to have spreading of the Cancer to her pelvic bones and probably to her brain as well, but by this time she was on Hospice ( a good experience for her and our family), and she passed away 5 months Carter our Dad.
I have always wondered had they done biopsies of the uterine polyps the first time around ( nothing was ever mentioned about biopsies), had found the cancer and she had appropriate treatment, would she have survived, and still been be with us all these years later? It is something we will never know, and our Mom was not the type would ever sue over something of this nature, so we had to learn to let it go, and accept things as they were.
I try not to think about, the unknown, the what if's, shoulda, woulda, coulda. It's not easy, but time does heal these things, and I have to remember that our Mom and Dad are together in Heaven, happy and healthy once again.
I'm sorry for your sorrows, you take care, and I think you are doing the right thing.
By all means consult a lawyer as most first consultations are free but if your case is taken you may be asked for a retainer of several thousands of dollars. Even if you win your case the cash reward may be quite small because of the age of Mum and the lawyer will take qpprox 30% of the award which will be taxable to the beneficiary.
Of course there are things that the facility should have done better but they may not have been negligent.
Going through court proceedings will be very stressful and reliving the events surrounding Mom's beth will be heart wrenching for you. For now concentrating on getting through your grief will help you the most.
Hubby is from a family who was very litigious and he has often threaten to sue over something. My advice is always to let it go because the case will take for ever and be very stressful for the family
We are all sorry for your loss. But lashing out at us, the people who are trying to help you to understand the process of dying (and your mother was terminal, with the glioblastoma, you know that--) and to accept that she did have a very tragic and terrifying end of life.
Your language alone says you are very angry, and I am sorry for that. Please try to get some help with dealing with your loss. Lawsuits can drag on for ages....and your mother was dying as it was.
Nobody from the hospital who took care of your mother is on these boards, I'm pretty sure. You're ranting and not getting to your "audience".
We ALL want a peaceful passing for our loved ones. We don't always get that. Would you have preferred for your mother to live in pain and misery for an extended period of time?
Give yourself time to grieve, and hopefully, get some grief counseling too.
I lost my precious daddy only one month ago.
I must admit that I am reliving his end of life moments and second guessing many of the decisions I made, even though I know better.
Hopefully, with time, we will accept that we did the best we could at the time and remember most the love we shared.
I am sorry for your loss of your dad. I just recently lost my mom, this is very hard to deal with. I am about at the same stage that you are at; A lot of second guessing, and grieving, it is getting a little less, and less, but no the less it is so, so hard. We, me, my brother and sister are still doing all the second guessing and all that. It is going to take some time. My mom grieved my dad for 10 years. I lost my dad when he was 28, I was 2 1/2 years old; So I did not know him. My mom raised the family and she did a wonderful job. But we just lost this precious lady December 19th, so as you can imagine how our holidays where! Not good at all. But yes yogagirl it is going to be very hard for a long time. I hope that you will heal with time.
She can't blame anyone, but Vegaslady, you can blame her for not "knowing enough"?
Not knowing is precisely what she's complaining about. It wasn't up to her to have all informations, she's not a doctor nor a nurse, it was up to the people in the Hospice to inform her.
Personally, I didn't feel she was "lashing out", but looking for some validation for her feelings, which are in my view fully undestandable, and not just as part of the grieving process.
Trapwhisk. While I do agree with others that suing the Hospice won't alleviate your pain, and that this is what is your mom wanted and possibly needed to go to the next world without suffering, I do agree with you too; the lack of information sometimes is just mindblowing, and I think this is what makes you feel frustrated and angry.
Lack of proper and full of information is not what caused your mom's death, still it's way too common, and yes, I do agree with you, it can be seen as a form of malpractice.
I think you are right. They should have given you the whole picture of what was going to happen, and how.
At the same time, it's possibly a blessing in disguise that you didn't know; it allowed your mother to die in a dignified and peaceful way, without suffering, and it didn't put you in that terrible position to anticipate what was going to happen and take perhaps wrong last-minute decisions.
The Universe sometimes knows what has to happen, more than us.
This goes beyond who's right and who's wrong and it's the only thought that can give us peace.
Close to you.
with Vegaslady comment, it was a very harsh one; I thought that this person that made this comment was very unfair in presuming that I didn't know what was going on; I did know what was going on. Like I said in my original post! After getting diagnosed with this, she was doing good for some time. Then when things started going downhill she was in a lot of pain, especially with the headaches. She was in a lot of pain, because that dam tumor was pressing on areas of the brain that was doing a lot of things, her legs where cramping and hurting really bad. She was having stomach cramping from the Chemo that she was getting. She was on a medicine that was called Temadore. My brother did some research and found out that this particular medicine tears up the lining of your bowl's. When people like Vegaslady make unfair and inappropriate comments like that, well, in my opinion, they should not even be posting on a site like this. I am grieving hard; And I am going to be for a long time. But, what was done to my mom was an injustice. And further more, it is "Medical Malpractice", my mom died and was probably very hungry and dehydrated, whoever tells me that is dying in a comfortable manner is very wrong. Just think about it for a second, what if you where in that position, and you had to go without food or water for about 10 days would that be comfortable to you? "No" it would not. Like I said I did not know anything about the VSDE "Voluntary Stop Eating or Drinking" I still believe that they should have informed us about this because this would have never happened. And they violated the Law when they did not inform me of this decision. She was suffering by not having anything to eat or drink for several day's. This is cruel treatment.
As for your Mom not being given food or water, it would have been MORE painful being given food/water as the body's organs sounded like they were shutting down. What would happen would be food would sit in the stomach as the stomach wasn't digesting food correctly.... and water would sit in the kidneys. That would be like filling a measuring cup of water and keep trying to put in more water with no place for it to go.
This is so sad. I'm sorry. Vegaslady probably meant in her comment that you should have asked all questions and got all the information before the change.
NH is going to look out and protect themselves first and foremost. They were going on your mom agreeing to suspend any life saving measures. As some other members have pointed out, your mom was suffering and dying and it would not have been fair to her to prolong her misery any longer.
As far as the feeding tube they would have probably given her one that uses a continuous pump. In essence, she would be confined to bed.