Me with the crazy mom again. Some elements of dementia, but mainly a through the roof anxiety, OCD that drives herself and me as her primary go to person nuts
Every morning wakes up anxious about whatever, calls me to frantically ask if I have taken care of her medicare signup for next year, her property taxes, on and on and on, even though I have assure her manytimes its all under control
She asks over and over, not because she forgets, because when I ask what I said last time she remembers, but needs the constant reassurance that an OCD person needs, which she has had all her life but getting crazy as she is in her nineties. I have tried the not answering the phone, butthen get twenty message of her literally weeping begging me to call her back
I feel either she, or I, will wind up in nut house
I am wondering if there are assisted living places that specialize in this or if even adult protection services can help, her anxiety will drive herself ot the grave. Me too. I cannot do this anymore
My one brother has ordered her not to call me everyday and if she has a problem call him, but she does not do that. I am like her anxiety pill.
Then at doctors I told the doctor her primary problem is through the roof anxiety (this is a new GP, she burned out the last one). My mom turns to me and says if she is anxious, it is because of my very ugly beard. Then she goes on to say I dont even like having a beard, but I have one to make her mad . (If I wanted to make her mad I could come up with other ways) This goes beyond anxiety, this is certifiably crazy.
So the doctor says she will refer a behavior health person to her. The so called behavioral health person calls to say they will set up an appt for talk therapy
I said talk therapy will not work. She needs meds He said that is longer to gt into but perhaps set up the talk therapy appt to get a foot in the door. He said the talk therapist maybe recognize her need for meds then refer her down the road.
I dont know
Omg, Karsten. Kudos to you for not being in an insane asylum from dealing with this. Wow.
Say, for example, select call forwarding so you never have to answer?
Maybe to a second line, with a wonderfully long personal message just for her? Something reassuring but making no promises to call her back.
Or, never taking any of her calls unless a caregiver makes the call to you?
Yes, getting her in the door with someone trained in behavioral medicine to talk will get her referred to psychiatry.
Good job, my friend!
The client would get a little bit upset and maybe work themselves up into a bit of a panic, but I'd pay no attention to that either. After a while they'd calm down.
Attention and reaction from others is fuel for OCD and the anxiety of it.
When you take the attention and reaction out of the equasion, the person who is working themselves up into hysterics stops and they settle down.
Block your mother's phone number for periods of time during the day. Let her work herself up into hysterics over total nonsense. Let her weep her eyes out and cry a river. You must ignore it. This behavior must be met with zero attention from you. It is the only way to help it.
Believe me, I dealt with elderly people and hysterics for 25 years. I've been dealing with my mother's panic and anxiety since I was a little kid.
When I learned to pay this behavior no attention whatsoever, it stops.
Your mother needs medication, that's a given. She also needs to learn that will not come running or pay her any attention at all when she is engaging in certain behaviors.
Those behaviors are the hysterics and the weeping and the panicking.
It will be tough at first, but you must ignore her.
As a child, I learned I had an 'in company Mother' (when at the shops, or serving tea for relatives) & a 'home Mother'.
In company, able to make decisions. At home, not.
Home was obviously a safe place to allow her to be real. To allow the compulsions for checking to take over, for endless asking for reasurrance over minor decisions, to show the real sea of anxiety she swam daily in.
Must have been exhausting to mask all that.. I feel the sadness of that. But we all have a home & company side in a way. We all control our impulses & behaviour to a degree (unless too much vino... ha ha).
While it is an honour in a way to be in someone's trusted circle, where they can trully be themself this has to be balanced with our needs. Is their behaviour such a heavy load it crushes us? Or errodes our safety?
I decided yes. I could not deal with the endless checking or reassurance seeking.
So I ignored. I distracted where possible. I left the scene when not.
Now I am free.
Those behaviours are not shown to me. I am sadded by the wall in a way, but grateful for the escape.