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You indicated you are not yet at the point where mom is unable to make decisions for herself.

Get the will changed. Disinherit them and use their share to pay for your mom's care.

Your sisters hate you, threaten you, and want to punish you? Show them what punishment is.
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Southernwaver Jun 11, 2024
I accidentally liked this ridiculous post.
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Look up undue influence if you think you can take your sisters out of her will.
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Sounds familiar! I have 2 sisters who did help, yet self-care was minimal for all of us. We each became ill 3 times, and one was hypercritical of anything I did or didn’t do. We are estranged four years now. Some of our extended family bought into the stories about me, which saddens me the most. I thought we had better relationships than that, but I now realize some folks find criticism easier than those difficult conversations. I hope to reconnect with family in a more open way if they’re open. Blessings on the journey.
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lol 😂 you’re worried about not having sex @ 60! Sorry..but I had to laugh. & how old is bf? He’s so sex obsessed too?!? This is like not even on any of caregiver’s to do list, in my opinion. All energy spent on caregiving & then we need sleep 😴..not sex! If you can’t count on 2 sisters & you need a break, how about hiring overnight aide 2-3 X a week? Also you should get more $$$ in the inheritance as you get no help from sisters…in my opinion. However, an even better idea is look into assisted living & selling house to pay for it. Hugs 🤗
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Anxietynacy Jun 12, 2024
Sex is a good relief at any age. Good for her, I'm a bit jealous actually. 🙂
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To answer your question… Mom’s funds are for her care, period. As POA, you can hire the help she needs. You do not have to be her 24/7 caregiver. After Mom passes, outstanding bills must be paid from the estate and then whatever is left, if anything, becomes the inheritance which must be distributed according to Mom’s legal, valid will after probating.
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PureExistence1 Aug 4, 2024
Sorry this is a digression, but what is probating? I thought probate was avoided if there was a will/trust... is probate just the name of the event where everyone is present for division of assets to occur? Or is it when the govt somehow gets involved and gets a chunk of the inheritance? I was told some years ago that the estate "goes into probate" when there is no will and that during probate, the govt takes a huge chunk and whatever is left is to be divided equally amongst the heirs as there is no will to distribute the assets in a particular manner and that the estate "going into probate" is due to lack of a will..Sorry, im confused.
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"It is not fair that I do ALL the work and they get the same amount in the end?"

I do get it.

But maybe think of it this way..

Everyone has choices.

Mom doesn't want to leave her home. She can choose how she lives. To lean heavier & heavier on others: you, others, paid help.
Or make changes.

Your sisters can choose to say no to any helping. Some may view this as hard & uncaring. Some will view this as sensible & wise.

You have choices too. Currently it suits your moral compass to step in to help Mom in her home. That's OK too! Your line of if/when the situation gets too much, when it slides into 'propping up' differs from your sisters. That's ok too.

You are freely giving your time. Your choice.

I say this from BOTH sides.

My sister sees what I do as MY choice. Appears to have no interest/guilt to help or thank me.

I also see the many things my SIL does for her Mother but see that as her free choice. (I would have outsourced many tasks by now).

My final thoughts are that if your resentment is growing - please reconsider how much you do & give of yourself.
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Unless there is a legal reason the “inheritance” is untouchable…. My take on it is an inheritance Is what is left when someone dies. As long as she is alive, the funds are hers to use as she needs, so as her POA you should use them for her benefit as needed. Just be prepared to be accountable at any time, so keep good records. If something happens to you, she will completely lose your services and your sisters will either have to step up or start spending the funds.
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Pure existence, yes, you’ve got it wrong. When there is a will, it has to go through a legal government process to be accepted. That process is called probate. It's a word based on latin, and it means 'proving' the will. After that, the executor can deal with the estate in the way set out in the will. Where there are death duties, they are taken out before it's split.

If there is no will (the deceased died 'intestate'), there is still a legal process before the estate can be dealt with, split up in the way provided by statute. In some places, that process might still be called probate, but it’s not the traditional meaning of the word.

Sometimes when what is left is very small (eg only one small bank account where it is obvious that the spouse is going to get it and there are no family claimants), the whole process is skipped on a discretionary basis, but that is never the case when there are assets like land or a lot of money.
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@jules925 you said "My sisters have threatened me with APS if I leave mom home at night on her own."

I just noticed this statement. I would suggest calling their bluff by reminding them you are helping your mom out of the goodness of your heart (unless there is more to the story). If APS is called in, I believe the whole family would have to be accountable! APS may decide they are the ones neglecting their mom... careful not to say this out loud in anger.

Going forward, you may want to figure the cost of 24/7 caregiving and offer the choice of either working or paying. One of the choices could be deducting from their inheritance... and have a contract for how they wish to handle it. My sister's MIL kept a running list, attached to her will, of what her six children were borrowing (and not repaying) as well as what they were spending on her behalf. This list was to be tallied at her death before anyone received their inheritance. In fact, her executor counted the man hours for each family member when they prepared the home to be sold and deducted that from the profit before dividing. Of course those who did not help were quite upset when they got less. Your mom sounds like she may still be capable of adding an addendum to her will.

Even if hiring help takes funds out of the "inheritance" means you also would "lose" a bit, consider the value to having some freedom back. It would only cost you 1/3 of every dollar spent while their "inheritance" would be dwindled too. If you can communicate peacefully... consider suggesting that help is hired 24/7 using the "inheritance" and it may bring them to reality about the true cost of caregiving. You can still offer to do as much as you want, saving some of their expense and hopefully they would value you more.

Look at it this way, you are doing the work that could be divided three ways just to save your inheritance too. If you decide to move forward with any of the suggestions anyone here is giving, be sure you think long and hard before trying to communicate with your sisters. Even write down a plan to discuss, showing it has been thought out. For every action, there is will be a reaction... good or bad. It may be time for an arbitrator to monitor the conversation. This could be as simple as a pastor or as legal as an attorney. Hopefully, they will see your mother's well being is the most important issue. Include the fact that if the current situation continues (and it may be years), your health will suffer and they may lose you so you are also planning for the unknown for their benefit as well.

Hopefully your family can move forward in peace, especially for your mother's sake.
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