My MIL is diagnosed with dementia, her son, an only-child is DPOA. I'm sure there's dementia present, but she also has presence of mind to manipulate situations when she sees it necessary. For example, she coordinated with an assisted living facility to be moved to their location from a care facility. In the five years or so we've lived together we have moved her 6 times. We warned the new location of her manipulative & sometimes violent behaviors, but they still took her in. When she become violent with other residents and staff at the new location they transferred her to a Psych facility. Knowing she'd done wrong, out came the sweet woman we know can exist, and Psych sent her back to the Assisted Living location. Assisted living sent a letter of eviction. He called and told Management all of the locations in town and surrounding she's been 'unwelcome' from and basically said I don't want her anymore, nor does anyone else, put her on the street, I don't care. I know it sounds harsh, and I say that I wouldn't let him if he really wanted to, but if it came to her in our home, we would have a problem. Anyway the conversation with AL director & Case Manager ended with them saying they would 'take care of it.' All of the sudden she's turned sweet as pie again- and we haven't heard from the director or case manager so when March rent came out of her account- we assumed they were keeping her. Today we received an email from her Hospice Nurse stating the Director of facility had begun court proceedings for eviction. I am going to call tomorrow and schedule a sit down with Director / Case Manager / Hospice and/or whoever will sit down with the both of us for next week, in the mean-time what should we be preparing for? How do we have her permanently placed in a Psych or where? My husband is literally ready to wash his hands of her, he's been dealing with this routine over 10 years. We hope to celebrate 3 years of sobriety from alcohol in June, but she's really pushing it.
My other thought is that some elders love the drama so much, they see how far they can push. She loves to see you and your spouse jump, and if you and spouse disagree, that makes for even better entertainment. Now she is on the brink of eviction, the director has initiated court proceedings. If you tell her that spouse intends to resign as POA so that court will have to appoint someone else to handle her legal problems, what would her reaction be? Do you think she would come around to spouse's terms, going forward? She pushes, you push back. You have to, for your own sanity and health.
Of course, if he'd rather be done with her totally, is he willing to have her be a ward of the State? Resign as DPOA. Then, he could possibly visit her, but would probably have NO say in where she lives or her care.
Maybe it's not too late for something like this??
I'm not one to push drugs, yet it certainly was a game-changer for us!!
All the best for your family!!
You absolutely need to protect yourselves and your marriage. I understand. Taking care of my bedridden hubby is destroying me, physically, financially and emotionally. If I had the wherewithal to place him, I would. You get to the point where you need to put yourselves first. Good luck!
Your MIL may have been a manipulative piece of work all her life, I wouldn't know. But the notion that she can overcome behaviours that arise from her dementia when it suits her... Isn't it more likely that the drugs start working?
She may become a ward of the state. I don't know much about that, but other poster here have experience and can explain it.
Since there is a hospice nurse involved, is MIL near the end of her life? How long has she been on hospice?
You need to protect your sobriety and your marriage. When is your meeting scheduled?