Hi, I live in another state and my older brother (64) lives with my Mom who is 89. He yells at her, belittles her, won't drive her to where she needs to go, etc.
My Mom won't do anything and I am scared to report my brother as I don't want to add more stress to my Mother as she is constantly stressed because of my brother. I suggested that my Mom sell her house but she is not ready to do that. Then it has been talked about me moving in with her and when my brother heard that he had a fit and screamed at my mother. I don't know what do to. Thanks, Jenna
I'm the one who wants certain pieces of my Mom's furniture such as her baby grand piano which I used to play (it's sentimental to me) and some other pieces that we can use when I find a house for both of us to live in.
My Mom's dog may get along great with my cats. I'm not worried about the dog because he is very lovable, it's my cats that may get scared at first but will probably adjust.
I agree that I should get my Mom out first before sending the eviction letter to my brother.
Thanks, Jenna
She reported the brother to the police, who were not helpful. She had to evict brother from the house (as money from the house was needed to take care of mother). Brother kicked in all the house's windows and it became infested with mice.
Fast forward; brother kept trying to make trouble. My partner took care of her mother until she died several years ago. No longer speaks to the brother who despite a couple of lawsuits didn't get a penny.
Chem, thanks for sharing your story about your partner's situation. I don't feel so alone anymore.
Reno, I know my brother will try to get money from my Mom once he is out and my Mom is living with me. I will have POA of my Mom's finances so when my brother tries to get money he will have to deal with me and he won't get any. He could have saved over $100,000 by living rent-free with my Mom and he gambled it away. My Mom is not blind to my brother.
If my brother tries to contact my Mom he will have to call my number and deal with me.
Jenna
I wish I had helpful advice for you but sadly I do not. My Mom protected her abuser (my brother) for so many years and no matter what I said she still did it anyway. It's called enabling and the only person that can stop it is your Mom.
I'm afraid there is nothing you can do, it's really up to your Mom. She is allowing this abuse by not evicting him. Being that your Mom is capable of working it's not like she is fragile like my 90 year old Mom who has no emotional or physical strength left. The only legal way is for you to get POA (power of attorney) of your Mom's finances. Maybe try talking to an Elder Care Attorney or an attorney that specializes in finances.
Has your brother physically abused your Mom? Verbal abuse is very hard to prove, almost impossible unless you can get many witnesses to call APS. I don't know how much video taping your brother may help with APS. Can you get a nanny cam inside the house and video tape your brother?
Again, this is not going to stop unless your Mom goes to court and starts eviction proceedings. If your Mom ever decides to do that you can go with her for moral support.
I wish I had better answers for you,
Jenna
New problem: My Mom has stopped eating and struggles to get some Ensure down. She tells me she is in a lot of pain from gas and suffers from chronic constipation. I saw my Mom 3 weeks ago and she looks so frail.
We talked about my coming to get her to come live with me so I can take care of her but she's nervous about my brother messing up the house when potential buyers come and look at it. My Mom would like me to stay at her house but I don't want to be near my abusive brother. I never got my brother evicted because I was scared he would abuse my Mom even more.
Any ideas? I'm really scared for my Mom.
My brother does know that the house is for sale (though he is not looking for a place to live) and I also hired an elder care attorney who gave me POA (medical and financial). My Mom just called me up and asked me to come and get her or she said she is going to starve to death as no one is taking care of her. If I do that then I can evict my brother from the house using a service that was mentioned in this forum.
Is there a backstory to all of this?
Jenna You have seen how Your Brother treats Your Mom, and this kneed's to be STOPPED NOW. You must act immediately because if You do not You may never forgive Your Self.
We helped her through bankruptcy three years ago. Got her back on track. Suddenly all money is gone, she somehow managed to get a small loan that she couldn't pay.
We said we would help if we took over her finances. She agreed. It lasted three weeks with many calls wanting money for "gas and groceries" she never bought.
She took our name off the account today. I am trying everything I can to figure out what I can do which doesn't seem to be much.
It's beyond frustrating. I am going to post this question also
What I would do is definitely get the abuser out of her home! Is he paying to stay there? The answer is probably know, isn't it? If he's not paying to stay there and not contributing to the household, he has no right to even be there. Get him out of there before he kills her!
!!! You mentioned he has a violent history and has a attacked you before, so what is he still doing there with a vulnerable elder? Don't you know that if he's getting physical, he will most likely one time go to far, killing her or someone in his path?
!!! Why aren't the authorities involved?
He's getting plenty of money, where is all of his money going?
If he's making that much money on disability then he should take some of that money and rent an apartment somewhere and buy his own groceries. If he's not willing to help the very person giving him shelter and run of the property then he has no right to be there and he's not entitled to nothing from her if he's not willing to contribute