Hi..Could use some help. My mom is 83, blind and is not in too good shape. I am her only child and her caregiver for many years. We have a very close relationship. Last week she told me my boyfriend when giving her a hug goodbye shoved his tongue in her ear when I was in the other room getting ready for us to go to the movies. A sitter was right by their side and said he hugged her and gave a kiss on the side of her face but no tongue in the ear. Naturally I told my mom that I while I think she perceived this, I do not think it happened and reminded her that she said last year that her gay hairdresser did it and many years prior a lady neighbor. This is really a weird situation. It has been a huge strain on my relationship with my mom and boyfriend. She says blind people are victimized and she was very angry at my not believing her for days and days..lots of crying and fighting. My boyfriend has been very supportive but naturally I have kept him away. My mom says she would be afraid to be around him again and would have to hide in her room. My mom is quite sharp mentally. But does take ativan a few times a week and hydocodone cough syrup a few times a week as well. Any thoughts greatly appreciated. I am worn out physically and emotionally.
You need to be fully informative with your mom's doctor about all of her ongoing dramas and imaginings. The doctor needs as much information as possible to make a good diagnosis and set a good course of treatment.
Send the letter to the psychologist as far ahead as you can. Let Mom see him/her by herself. Then make a seperate appointment to see them alone and don't tell Mom. You may only need to see that psychologist once and continue seeing your own. Don't make excuses for Mom or sugar coat the truth. Maybe have your BF go away for a few days and see if Mom stops interrupting your sleep.
And RW, your mother took care of you when you were a small child, and malleable, and growing up to be independent. You are taking care of you mom as a "not getting any younger" adult with medical issues and your mom is not going to progress, she's going to go downhill. Getting her good, appropriate care is the way you honor her sacrifices for you when you were small, not by killing yourself by caring for her at home. Have you read the statistic that 30% of all caregivers die before their charges do? It has certainly happened in my family and the families of others on this message board.
It sounds to me as though your mom has significant memory deficits and maybe some hallucinations? with regard to drafts, etc. It's an interesting question whether blind people, since they don't have visual skills, have, instead of visual halluicnations, ones that involve other senses. Hope you are talking to her doctor about all this. I seem to recall that you are your mom's health care proxy, so you should be providing reality based information to ALL of her health care professionals. Dementia patients cannot be reasoned with. Lack of sleep--no one can function without sleep. She needs to be on a properly prescribed sleep medication. And maybe you should shut off your phone all together and tell Mom, the way we tell small children, you need stay quiet and in your own bed until morning.
I am trying to set boundaries but I seem to be failing..
I am exhausted this morning and need to work.
And both this friday and sat --when she knew and was told and told that my boyfriend and I were watching a movie in our room and I would be back in two hours...she called at 11:30 pm...too early...to wonder where I was ...
and then she acts all upset like I was not clear with her when I am angry for being disturbed again.
Anybody else have trouble setting boundaries and dealing with the guilt trip?
And can I tell the psychologist?
thanks!!
thanks so much!!!
Good luck with the Dr today.
mom realized that she was nervous about stepping down off the two .5 lorazepams at night ---so I said what about talking to a psychologist to help you through it...she agreed and we have an appointment next week!
the doctor recommended the psychologist so I figured it was a start.
This way we can at least move in the right direction..
thank you!!!
The geriatric psychiatrist was the key also in getting her a neuropsych evaluation that clarified for us the fact that she had mild cognitive impairment, which gave us a greater understanding of what was happening.
Also, the elderly may not experience relief of anxiety with lorazepam. It may have the opposite effect on the elderly, causing symptoms including mental/mood changes, sleeping problems, increase in sexual interest, or hallucinations. Loss of coordination, drowsiness, and sleeping problems may increase the risk of falling.
Something to think about.
last night she took none..and has been really odd today...if she asks me how many times she peed I will croak..lol....
gonna try to tape her so she hears herself..
most of time she is sharp and will not go to any doc without knowing details.....am talking her to her internist this week and she realized she was accidentally taking to much ativan recently....
I just have to be patient....
hugs
and trying really hard not to lose mind when she asks me endlessly when did she pea....lol...
ahhhh
she is also really obsessed with how often she urinates...asking me 15 times a day.....she has had problem and takes medication but no problems recently..but it is hard to calm her down on this.....she called me at 6 am to talk about it....when she knew I was sleeping................so for a half hour I reassured her.....but this morning she did not remember......then later she did and thought she may have been half asleep......she did not use any tranquilizers.............but she acts suspicious of me like I am making it up ...............have to tape her next time on my phone........she also is going around saying how close God and my dad are to her etc......but in a way that is kind of weird...not just casual.....ahhhhhhhhhhhh....lol....boy this is a really long marathon....hugs!