You moved our parent hours away from the rest of the family to be near you. Now you complain you "are the only one doing anything". Why? You moved our elderly parent hours away from the rest of the family(including the grandchildren) in order that you would have them closer to you. Those of us left behind did everything we could think of to prevent this move, including letting you know we would not be able to visit. You did it anyway and now complain all the time and are furious because you are "doing everything alone". You made this mess and now want to blame it on all your siblings who did not want this situation to take place from the start.
Becoming caregiver does not mean Dad or Mom is entitled to be a great big PITA. They are still our parent, but they are not entitled to dwarf our needs with their demands. For example, they "will not allow outside help" - That is NOT their decision to make.
Don't blame her.
That said, we never know the reasons people do the things they do or do not . . . the things they do not. The particular thread I pointed out - "I hate my do nothing sib" (or some such) was in my opinion very hateful, divisive, and unproductive. With respect to those posting in the thread, I saw a ridiculous amount of martyrdom and little attempt at understanding the other side of the coin. Hence this thread. . . Just one single factor (of many potential) many people are out of work and have limited cash, but still have their own responsibilities and families to feed. I think hating them is flat out wrong.
Walk in the other guy's shoes works both ways.
We all do have to take responsibility for our own decisions. I came to stay with my parents and don't feel anything about my brothers not helping. It surprises me that they don't call or come by more often, but that is between my parents and them. It doesn't involve me. I know they are involved in their own lives. I do feel a bit of jealousy, because they are having a lot more fun than I am. But I don't resent them not helping.
Many of us here know what you're talking about. We can't make decisions for ourselves and our parents, then blame the siblings for not responding like we like them to. They have to make their own decisions. Maybe they would have preferred the parent go into assisted living, but one person wanted the parents to stay at home. The ones who wanted AL for their parents aren't obligated to fall in line with the decision. It is a good point that you make about individual decisions.
what little I did have were a bunch of conniving, thieving, lying sob's.
I have always taken ownership of my decision to care for my mom, but as you said there are many others who are angry at family members for not helping more. I think in a lot of cases people jump in to help in the midst of a crisis and then unfortunately find that the crisis has morphed into a long term commitment for which they didn't plan and aren't equipped to handle.
We all sleep in the bed we make for ourselves.
Or the other siblings want the aging parent to be in a continuing care facility because they all know it would be difficult for one person to take care of the parent.... yet the one sibling who took in the parent is now complaining no one is helping. If the other siblings jump in to help, all they are doing is enabling that elder to keep aging in place instead of being in another layer of care.
That is what happened to my parents, being an only child I looked around and I was *it*.... and I was enabling my parents [mid-90's] to keep remaining in their large home by helping here or there.... now everything is a nightmare. If only I could turn back time.