My aunt, in her 90's has a longtime friend and caregiver, "Kathy". She went into a nursing home 2 months ago. She began to tell me that Kathy had changed the locks on the house and would not give her key, that she was "taking all her things and spending all the money." Alarmed I went to visit. (Mind you she has not had any cognitive problems or dementia so I believed her.) I got the key to the house from Kathy and discovered the items my aunt had requested were gone: the TV and her jewelry. I found bank statements in the mailbox and Kathy is robbing her blind, clearly spending aunt's money on personal bills. And she had my aunt declared incompetent plus has power of attorney over her, so she's at her mercy.
I reported this to the police and adult protective services. They responded (!!) and are investigating. But my aunt is now saying it's all fine! I think she is mad at me for blowing the whistle.
Turns out Kathy isn't paying the nursing home bill so the home is filing in probate for a court appointed guardian. My aunt will be kicked out and most likely go to a very bad nursing home.
The ironic thing is that my aunt is not happy with me, the nursing home people think I'm a family member trying to take control and get the $$ and Kathy is telling my aunt bad things about me (which is kind of how she operates). I blew the whistle; now I'm the bad guy.
I just hope there is a good outcome. I don't think my aunt will ever recognize that Kathy has done anything wrong; sort of like someone abused identifying with and protecting the abuser.
Any thoughts?
Mind you, what a "s aitch 1 tee" your BIL sounds. And isn't that the rub? It really goes against the grain to let such people get away with it. I think we can draw parallels with all kinds of situations where the victim is too afraid - often, irrationally, disproportionately afraid - of the abuser even to allow others to tackle the problem. I suppose the best you can do where that's happening is what Chemkrd has effectively done: call in an authoritative, objective investigator and step back.
The elderly are vulnerable. In good faith they hire someone to help them and those people turn out to be criminals.
These criminals use all the devious means at their disposal to gain control over the life of the vulnerable elder.
That is why laws were enacted to safeguard the elderly. Unfortunately those same laws are now being used by the criminals to separate the elders from their families and those who truly love and care for them. It is a real mess and we all must be aware of it.
Your aunt had suspicions, probably had had them for a long time but preferred to put up with being taken advantage of to dealing with this very difficult problem. Then, in an unguarded moment, she confides in you. And now look! - a problem that she had successfully ignored for goodness knows how long is one huge mess, with all kinds of fuss and bother going on, and who's in the middle of it? Yup, you.
Your aunt will be upset and flustered until everything gets sorted. Kathy, frankly, shouldn't be allowed in the building and, if you can, see if APS will get her barred unless and until she is cleared of suspicion. Your only immediate problem is the staff's attitude; but bearing in mind that your aunt is their proper concern, and they don't know you, and there is a cloud of mismanagement hanging around and how are they to know whom to trust? - you should try not to feel offended at their snottiness towards you. They're wrong, but they don't know that yet. Be patient, be open, give it time, they'll come round.
If the financial trail is as clear as you describe, Kathy's POA isn't worth the paper it's written on - I don't know what the laws are in your neck of the woods, but it sounds as if she's a very good candidate for criminal prosecution. Then, presumably, your aunt will be put through a guardianship process; and, again presumably, you will be free to make applications to become her guardian if you wish. Personally, I wouldn't touch it with a stick. I think you'd be begging for trouble.
But anyway, that is all hypothetical pending the investigation. Meanwhile, reassure your aunt that she is doing a public-spirited thing by being truthful and responsible in reporting Kathy's behaviour - what if Kathy were doing this to other people, people less able than your aunt to "stand up for themselves"? (and try to keep a straight face). Commiserate with her disappointment in a person she had trusted, but be very clear with her about the misappropriations and the criminality of what Kathy got up to. Kathy was a wolf in sheep's clothing, and your aunt has bravely set the dogs on her. Go auntie!!! I hope she might buy this line - let us know how it's going, best of luck.
If not you state,than a national line. They are ablle guide you.
Kathy may just be doing all she can until you take over. Find all docments, if any your Aunt signed, and find out all you can. As I said she may be just robbing her blind, and get away with it. I care for my mother, and knew before anyone she had Alzhemer's. This is a a long journey, and many who are not around all the time are unaware of the signs.
Be Carefull, and Work Hard With ALL OF THE RECOURCES OUT THERE.!!!
I am going to bring my sister along to probate so my aunt can see it's "the family" who is on her side. Yes, I bet she is embarrassed and resigned to it.