Just 2 days ago was put on hospice care. I not only have heart disease but my spinal cord has both a degenerative disk and a bulging disk. On top of that my hips are very arthritic and my knees are very painful.
I refuse morphine. Last September I had a heart cath and had a stent put in my chest, since then the pain never stopped.
I have insomnia, long term .The problem with pain meds is they cause severe constipation.
Unlike many I fear death, no one knows what happens at death. Guess I am saying even in extreme pain. I wish to live.
I have reread all your posts here starting with the original one you made us. It seems to me that you have no wish now to make your final exit from life.
You are in pain. You need medications. You dislike the side effects. All that said you have expressed over and over that you wish to live.
I am a lover of Hospice (esp. the OLD hospice), but hospice is there WHEN you need or want it. Hospice marks an acceptance that you are dying and a wish to do it free of pain and with dignity.
I said from the beginning that none of the things you have are, with treatment, going, with any certainty, to cause your death within 6 months.
You need A) good pain relief B) perhaps physical therapy C) good ideas to deal with side effects of your pain meds.
Were I you I would call my MD and discuss with him the withdrawal of Hospice. IF you allow them to stay I would make it crystal clear that if you find a treatment for any of your ailments you will likely avail yourself of them, and above all that you do not want medications that will incapacitate your ability to think and direct amounts of pain medication. That is to say you do not want ANY medication now that MAY HASTEN YOUR DEATH. Make it clear to your MD and to Hospice.
As I said, for all of us, Hospice is there when we need them. As to any of us having our hands up NOW to make our final exit--I don't see any at the moment.
I wish you the very best of luck and healing. And do speak with your MD and do update us when you do so, OK. We are pulling for you to get better.
And I hope too that you can find a good pain doctor and or get the necessary surgeries to try and eliminate some of the pain you're having.
Life IS short and it IS precious, so get out there and enjoy it!
God bless you!