Are these early signs of dementia, of nothing, or of something else?

I would say early dementia -- or perhaps a head injury that is unknown or not seen at the time of injury as problematic -- old football/sports injury, car accident perhaps? Old head injuries can wreak havoc on the aging brain and can manifest as dementia. Medical research is only at its beginning stages on this one because most research is tackling years of sports head injuries in the professional athlete, but the occasional or short-term / high school athlete has yet to be truly examined.

I was using the word "dementia" in my posting, but he could have any number of neurological disorders.  The bottom line is that he is saying irrational/illogical things and from what you have said it is out of character for him and therefore worth a visit to the doctor.

My mother would say off the wall things and accusatory things that didn't make any sense and would totally piss me off.  She was still in her 50's at the time, and we have no family history of dementia, so I did not suspect dementia.  Looking back on it, all of the pieces have fallen into place and they were definitely early signs of dementia. My mom has been living with a diagnosis of dementia for 10 years now.  After 3 years I placed her in assisted living.

I totally understand how scared you must be.  Most of us think that dementia is an "old persons disease" and that we won't have to deal with it in our 50's and 60's, but early onset is becoming more and more common.  Odds are you will have trouble getting him to understand/admit that there is a problem and that he should go to a doctor and have some testing done.

My heart goes out to you.  Don't forget to take care of yourself while you're trying to deal with him.

His symptoms seem to display early dementia. He needs to be evaluated by a neurologist ,his general physician and a nuerophyscololist which helps doing a cognitive test. My husband displayed similar symptoms starting in his early 50's. Please seek family support and make your kids aware. Caring for someone for dementia is very challenging and long journey. My own husband passed away last year. I wish you the best, take care of yourself please. And may god bless you and your husband.

I can see why you would be concerned. I agree that finding and seeing a doctor would be a priority. It may be difficult and you may have have to travel some but it could be important. Behavioral change is an indication of some alteration in brain function. There could be multiple causes; there are 150 types of dementia. He is likely not seeing anything wrong so getting him checked you could be tough. I know you don’t want to start a fight by asking him about it but maybe you can get him to recall the circumstances that got him to apologize and see if he will bring up anything he might have noticed himself. If he is starting to notice things, he might not be willing to bring it up out of fear of what it could mean. But the scary stuff in life does not go away by ignoring it.

Sounds like he needs a thorough examination from his doctor and testing done, Goggle test questions you can ask him to check somethings yourself.

There are some good solutions here and some not so much. (Ignore the not so much ones. They seem to be obvious. ) If he is reluctant to get a physical suggest you both get one with your new family doctor. You really should have a family doctor for you both. They can help you track cognitive as well as health issues. I guess ask a lot of questions in a calm way when hubby gets weird with his perceptions. Maybe see if you can figure out why. Again don’t let it get to you.

If this is a new pattern for him, then it does sound like early dementia. You just can’t argue with a dementia patient, because their version of reality is very different from that of the rest of us.
I hope you are able to find a doctor for him to go to nearby, to get a definitive diagnosis (vs online opinions). If you are able and interested, reading books about Alzheimer’s/Dementia may be very helpful. I’m currently reading “I Will Never Forget”, about a daughter dealing with her mom’s dementia, and it’s been very helpful. This site is a great resource too, of finding others in the same boat.
My heart goes out to you, for the difficult journey ahead.

These could all be separate issues. My kid's father is in his 50s and has a strong dislike of cell phones, and I could see him saying I was "playing on my phone" just out of bitterness that I had one at all. My mother, who is in her 70s, has literally accused me of "playing on my cell phone like a naughty school girl" when I was in fact not on my phone. She uses a smart phone but hates the technology as a concept and misses greatly when the world did not include these devices. They get sad and angry about the world moving in a direction they do not feel at home in. Sometimes people also just get spiteful and want to express that by starting a fight. I often just apologize even though we both know I didn't do whatever it is they are up in arms about, just to stop the fuss they want to raise. With the lactose issue, he could be either confusing you with someone else in his family who is also lactose intolerant or perhaps has concerns that you might be growing to have problems with dairy. Or he could be saying it to annoy you because sometimes people just grow spiteful in age and ill health. It is also a symptom of dementia. Or they could be feeling poorly for any reason and be grumpier than usual and just wants to fight. If you try not to get angry yourself - recognize he might not be able to control this behavior- try just agreeing with him and apologizing and see how he responds- does he look surprised? It should help you see if it's deliberate lying to start a fight or confabulation. Or try and remain calm - you mentioned you got angry too- and ask him for more details in a low key way like "Did I ever have trouble with lactose? I don't remember!" And see if he can give any details that might lead you to better understand if he is confused or just playing a trick to get you upset. Both as providing dementia care for clients, and in my interpersonal relationships, I can recall people wanting to play little tricks on you to try and get a rise out of you for various reasons. If you can manage to remain calm and not take the bait if he is doing it on purpose it might help. Or he might start even bigger fights and try harder to get a reaction out of you. I have had multiple clients get into the habit of winding you up with little tricks and mind games so you can't be sure when they really are confused or just pulling your leg, or maybe they are just having some difficult emotions and aren't sure how to express it other than they want your attention. Maybe he is feeling resentful he has to take pills and you do not. Maybe he needs to ask you to bring him a pill and feels more comfortable offering you one instead of asking for himself. The best thing I have found is to just stay calm yourself, diffuse the fight before it blows up, and ask them lots of questions about how they feel. The potato thing, as people get older their taste buds change, and food does not taste like they expect it to. And if dementia or memory loss is present, they will forget why the food does not taste right to them. It is quite common for clients to express fears that their loved ones are trying to poison them or that food is spoiled when it is not because nothing tastes the way they expect it to. Saying it's "just like you" to ruin the potatoes could mean he has been wondering about foods tasting differently for awhile. Maybe make a point of asking him how he is enjoying his food to see if it is that? Or it could be just a regular relationship issue of the person taking their frustrations out on you, because you are the one who is there. Because you mentioned you also got very angry and forgetful about things, it could be you are both just getting on each others nerves and stressing each other out, and could benefit from some time apart and self-care, if possible, even just making sure you go to the movies or out for coffee with a friend once a week or so, so you do not trigger each other so much.

Time now to keep a diary. Sorry to say that, as it will cause you to "watch" for things, and perhaps to take things too seriously. But it is time to do so.
You could be looking at other stressors, to tell the truth. His own aging, what he is seeing with family that is aging, any job changes or life changes. It could be something else to do with anxiety that is being kept in. It could be depression due to covid-19 shut in?
I have a question. When you speak of any of this calmly, sitting down with him, is he very upset, very much in denial? That would be a que that he himself may be noting changes that are scaring him.
I would, as I said, keep a diary of sorts. Just a date and an incident. You will know soon enough. This could be what you fear, but it could be also a general depression and anxiety. Wait and see is easy enough to say, and oh so hard to do. I am wishing you luck and hoping you will update us. If there is a way for you to join any dementia forums, such a groups on FB that are private, and if he doesn't meddle with your computer sites, do so. You will get a world of info. If you get questioned if he finds something say you were worrying about yourself, about your family, and that you feared you were having, YOURSELF, episodes of forgetfulness such as when and how much you used your cell phone. I agree, it is by far the most disturbing of the instances. But he could be very threatened that you are moving into the 21st century and he doesn't want to "go there". Watch and wait. You will know soon enough.

Katieworry, I was just kidding about don’t buy any food. I thought what MAYDAY said was absurd. Please consult his doctor. Hopefully you are his healthcare proxy so you can talk to his doctor.

Katie, some folks would call what your husband is doing "confabulation". It is a symotom of various kinds of cognitive issues.

Another source of information about this issue is the "nurse line" if your insurance company has one. It's basically a non-emergency phone line staffed by an RN who can help with sorting out symptoms, and when to seek care.

Does your husband work? Any issues there?

Katie, here's an interesting article:

https://www.healthline.com/health/confabulation

anything else happen within this time period?
Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse... If he is getting more abusive in any form, you may want to consult your doctor, and his..
Jumping through hoops to keep him calm is not a solution.. find help. others will post now too.
take care.

it sounds like he wants to start something. I guess, if you eliminate the things he does not like, he will find other things to argue about.
come on, have you heard about someone getting sick over one potato? If he saw it while helping you cook, he should have just grabbed it and tossed it.
that's what I did. I had a bag over a couple weeks,,, thinking I can salvage something. Chop off the bad stuff, but when the flesh is green, and weird.. yup, I tossed it.
If he is so scared about cell phones, the both of you should acknowledge, you have it, and it stays in the car when you see his mom. Glad he was there, sounded like you were the only one visiting... My apologies

Hi, Katie.

You sound very worried about your husband. Have you shared with him that you are worried?

When was his last complete physical? Are you in touch with his doctor (like maybe you have the same doctor)?

If I was in your shoes, I'd be in touch with his doc and give him a short version if what you've told us. It sounds as though he is having instances of mis-remembering things, or false memories.

I wouldn't necessarily jump to a dementia dx, but I would talk to his doctor about it.

Just buy frozen foods or make him do the shopping, or just order OUT.

DO NOT BUY DAIRY

DO NOT BUY FRESH PRODUCE

BUY DRIED FOODS, TV DINNERS, FROZEN FOODS
to avoid confrontations.

Why was hubby NOT WITH YOU, while VISITING HIS MOM? strange.... yes..

AN ENTIRE VISIT AT HIS MOM's... WAS HE WITH YOU?

If that is the case... tell hubby it is his responsibility to VISIT HIS MOM... not yours. You have your immediate family to visit...

HONEY... YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE AND SEE YOUR MOM... It is okay,

Are you sure he doesn't have a secret cell you are not aware of?

His mom has dementia... Is it clinically clear ? does he have other family near? and you do not want to cut mom out of picture if she needs help... that is not right.
I may have been blogging things, but let me be clear... You Cannot Abandon Your Mom. should not. And you need to get her house in order. Who has Power of Attorney for finances and health? Who does she depend on mostly when she does need help? Who is the closest to her physically, mentally, emotionally? Hubby sounds like he doesn't want anything to do with her. Does mom have other children who are willing to step up to the plate and take care of MOM?

Well, you only use it to contact your family. I imagine it's like many cell phones. It needs an access code to wake it. Mine is a 4 digit number. Hubby's is a thumb print. I think it would be fun if they make a cell phone that took nose prints... :)
can you imagine? :)
Just turn your phone OFF COMPLETELY if you are visiting anyone your hubby has issues with, say for instance HIS MOM... OF ALL PEOPLE... HIS MOM.... Not your mom HIS MOM...
Got to the time in our routine.. he sees his, and I see mine.. My kid sees the grandparent who recognizes grandchild the most...that was a few years ago... all grandparents died :(
CASE IN POINT::: CELL PHONES ARE NOT A POINT OF ARGUMENT. TELL HIM TO THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE TO FIGHT ABOUT. SERIOUSLY. TURN YOUR PHONE OFF, LEAVE IT IN THE CAR. GEEZ. Yes, cell phones are nice in EMERGENCIES... NOT TO FIGHT OVER. make it clear to him.. nurses and ER people need to be able to get in touch with you... If you have elders who need you...
MILK.... OK... NOW WE ARE ARGUING ABOUT MILK... GET RID OF IT.. BUY OATMILK.. PURCHASE ALMOND MILK... GET RID OF THE ARGUMENTS...Don't Buy dairy--PERIOD... Let him go out, bring back.
What are we going to gripe about now? NUTS... Yes,, people are allergic to nuts.. do they have affects on spouse?
What about chocolate? spouse have issues? Potatoes? Bad? seriously? Your hubby helps in the kitchen? AND HE THINKS A PIECE OF POTATO IS GOING TO KILL HIM? Honestly... MY SPOUSE WOULD HAVE DIED YEARS AGO ... what did I do wrong? :-
Spouse is allergic to a lot of things. Almost killed spouse at a very nice restaurant over 20 years ago... THE BAD OYSTER... not my fault... Restaurant actually called us at hotel to tell us to go to ER... That's how bad, bad oysters can be... DEADLY... guess there was only one that was not good. yes, we are together in harmony or agony... you toss the coin. I have my DNR in place. do you?
I hope we can get out of this rut and have a nice day off sometime soon.. we both need it.