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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My mom is going on 95. She has ongoing dementia. She will always eat a good breakfast and lunch. When it comes to dinner alot of times she says she is not hungry and doesn’t want to eat. Do I let it go or do what I have to to get her to eat?
She if she will eat a nutrition bar or drink supplement instead. Ensure and other makers of supplements make drinks and nutrition bars that can be used as a replacement for a meal - especially when she doesn't feel hungry,
Just be happy she is eating lunch and breakfast. Don't force her to eat dinner. Maybe some evening snacks offered would be better at night rather than a full on dinner.
My grandma-in-law would make a can of soup last 3 days. Seriously, THREE days. I wish I was making that up.
I think it's OK to let it go, but maybe give her Boost or a similar meal substitute. It doesn't have to be at dinner time. Any time she'll accept it. If she doesn't like Boost, smoothies or protein shakes might also do the trick to get a little more nutrition into her. Remember also that people don't eat as much when they get older. As long as her weight is OK, don't worry too much about it. You're doing a great job, and congratulations to you and your mother - age 95 is great!
It’s not a problem if she is eating a good breakfast and lunch. My mom also doesn’t eat anything past 5pm but she gets up to snack in the middle of the night. If she is keeping weight on don’t worry about it. Be concerned if she is losing weight.
Ladyd67: The following suggestion has often been seen - eat breakfast like a king, eat lunch as a prince and eat dinner like a pauper. That said, your mother may opt for a very light dinner, e.g. a bowl of oatmeal with fruit and cup of camomile tea, one that is easier to digest as the elder heads for bed. My mother, a woman without dementia, often opted for that.
To me, it would depend on what she's eating for breakfast and lunch. She IS eating the best meals of the day - the earlier in the day, the better (for digesting).
* Did you discuss with her primary healthcare professional? * If my mom at 94, I wouldn't worry about it. * Perhaps suggest / give her some fruit or something she'd like 'just a little something' - a fruit smoothie - or 'milkshake' sounds like a good plan. I have bullet drinks (blender, in a 'bullet') 4-5 x / week. I add in lots of nutrition such as: * a small piece of both garlic and ginger root. * a dash of cinnamon (really healthy) * few chia seeds * Bit of Lion's Mane * Collagen (powder) - teaspoon
And the foundation: banana, yogurt, blueberries or strawberries, and 3-4 cooked prunes (as I make my bullet drink often for a couple of days)
* for taste, add a bit of almond butter or some nut butter
My liquid: Coconut water, milk or juice.
[I wouldn't necessarily recommend all this for your mom, just be sure she gets some nutrition.] If you or her MD feel she isn't getting enough nutrients from the am and lunch time, ask about what to put in a smoothie. I'd suggest a bit of spinach, carrots, greens, etc. Once blended with yogurt and a banana, they all become a blur.
Many of these answers about not infantalizing them and letting them eat what they want are helpful. But what if the parent (84 years old) has diabetes? Sometimes she eats sweets and then skips healthy meals. Other times she does not eat at all and her blood sugar goes haywire. It seems that this advice does not apply to certain conditions
My mother is 92, has dementia, and has very little appetite. However, she eats fairly well at breakfast and lunch. When you consider how little exercise they are getting, 2 meals a day is sufficient. No worries. Let her enjoy snacking and you enjoy her.
My personal opinion is to not worry about it. She’s eating two good meals a day and at 94 that’s great. I’m 70 and on hospice for liver, parateniel and kidney cancer and who knows what else lol. I barely eat and mostly have to force calories in when I can tolerate them. And I’m getting along. With dementia you’ve plenty on your shoulders and my heart goes out to you. 💖
See if you can get drinks that have protein in them and see if she will drink that at night. I wouldn't tell her that it has the protein in it. Sometimes it is easier to drink than eat.
I drink PROTEIN2O which is protein infused water it has 15g of protein in it and it has the electrolytes in it too. It helps me when I can't eat. 6g of total carbs, 110mg of sodium. There are other drinks out there that have protein too.
Dear Caregiver, First of all, thank you for your loving and compassionate care of your mother. Let’s step back for a moment. Take a deep breath. My experience of nearly fifty years, has taught me that on the one hand, let’s call this an orange metaphorically speaking, No one wants one they love to die. You don’t, you will die.
Now on the other hand, let’s call this an apple, one’s medical condition, aging, etc is what is at hand. An orange and an apple, each separate and needs to be addressed.
Let’s get back to your mom. As we age, particularly at your mother’s age, one eats less. Eating a good breakfast and lunch as you reeducate, is enough for your mom. Cooking for your mom is a great delight, so when this becomes limited, it becomes your issue as a caregiver, of not doing enough. And not doing enough, feeling guilty, makes you feel on one level, consciously or uncontrollably like you are pulling the plug. And you are not. You simply recognize there is as apple, the aging condition of your mother.
Thank you for being a caregiver.
Dr. Edward Smink, Author of the “Soul of Caregiving, A Caregiver’s Guide to Healing a Transformation.”
Let it go.... Respect her rights to choose.... Never force food... Remember also that if a person, in this case, your mother is eating two times a day, that is sufficient for ones daily nourishment; especially as we age we require less food, and appetite changes as do taste buds. Please relax, and don't add more stress and anxiety to yourself nor your mother about an evening meal. Remember also that we all regardless of age need to listen to what our bodies tell us including if we do not feel hungry, we should not eat just because the clock says it's mid day or evening... Hydration is important also. Be sure she has fresh water available and is encouraged, but not forced , to drink liquids. Be sure to give choices among the food groups at the two meals a day she does choose to eat. And don't worry if she chooses to eat small amounts. This is actually good for us all to remember about portion control.
Sounds like she is doing well. At some point be prepared for her to reduce her food intake even more ...
If she’s getting plenty of nutrients throughout the day, then I wouldn’t worry. My 95 YO Dad has dimentia, and I usually just set out some fun snacks before I leave. Maybe a fruit cup, a small bag of nuts etc. and a cut up apple in the fridge? He can snack on these and still maintain a healthy blood sugar level. Hope this helps!
As long as she is eating one meal a day I think it’s okay . My parents who are 95 barely eat but haven’t lost any weight to speak of. . My mother will have eggs and toast for breakfast. That’s her big meal for the day.
they both really like ice cream these days. My mother also likes small snacks during the during the day. She eats a lot of nuts which are high in calories. My father likes pastina soup and that’s about it aside from the ice cream. He just does not want to eat any more. It has been months now that he’s eating like this but he is none the worse for it.
It’s more important that they keep hydrated. Getting my mother to drink enough water is more of a concern to me.
My mother is 96 and does the same. Sometimes she doesn’t even want her favorite- vanilla ice cream. And. Sometimes she only wants ice cream. At their age give them what they want. I would not sweat it. Just find a way to give something small if she has to take meds.
I can remember my grandmother, who lived to be 97 and was a retired nurse, eating pretty much the same "light" breakfast and supper for many years and with her main meal (dinner) at noon. For breakfast she'd have a doughnut, coffee, and orange juice. For a light meal before bed she'd have peanut butter (always Skippy brand) on saltines with a glass of milk. She also had afternoon tea around 4, usually with something sweet. Dinner was a normal menu for her generation--meat, chicken, or fish with veggies, potatoes, etc. She actually took care of a younger sister who had some degree of dementia and who had very bad vision and hearing in her last years and she would fix breakfast and supper for her. During her last years, my grandmother did have some help at home, a neighbor lady who did some cleaning, laundry, dishes and dinner cooking--the latter under close supervision by my grandmother! Your mom sounds as though she's probably getting enough to eat, even if she's not having dinner. As others have said, just "front load" breakfast and lunch with plenty of calories and nutritious food she'll eat. Have lunch be her main meal ("dinner") if she's OK with that.
Let it go. She may eventually refuse all food and you will have to let that go too as it may mean her body is slowly shutting down.
She is nearly 95. This is not the same as getting a child to finish their food if they want a treat afterwards. Please take her age into consideration and allow her some autonomy in her life.
I am 76 and only eat two meals a day, breakfast and mid lunch. The only time I eat dinner in the evening is when I go out to eat with friends, then I do not eat lunch.
It's not a big deal unless she is on any meds that shouldn't be taken on an empty stomach, one other concern may be that she is also cutting back on fluids. Perhaps try just a drink and light snack in the evening - crackers and cheese or fruit, a dessert or if she's losing weight a supplement like boost or ensure.
How active is she? I wouldn’t necessarily expect a 95 year old to be that hungry for dinner. My husband is only 63 and sometimes he doesn’t want dinner. If she eats well two meals a day you’re doing fine.
My mother nibbled during the day, a bite here and a bite there. She lost her appetite. Still, she lived to be 95 years old. I wouldn’t push her into eating big meals.
My mom told me that she only ate because it was necessary. She really wasn’t very hungry.
Let her eat what she enjoys. I served my mother on lunch sized plates. If she saw a large plate of food she would immediately say, “That’s too much food. I can’t possibly eat all of that!”
You can always make smoothies for your mom to get additional nutrients. My mom enjoyed drinking smoothies. If you’re looking for an easy way to add protein, add peanut butter to a banana smoothie. Throw in a cup of yogurt too.
If you are worried about mom's caloric intake--I can tell you that elderly, very immobile people can live for a very long time on what it basically starvation diet. My MIL has been eating around 300-400 calories a day for 9 months. She's still here and actually, doing pretty well. The Hospice nurses all told us that she couldn't subsist in so little, but truth is, we fully expect her to live another year.
Leave her alone. Not worth one second of a 'battle'. Forcing her to eat could make the situation worse. She's fine. Just make sure she's hydrated, that's more important than eating anyway.
People typically eat MUCH less when they are older. I am 81. I eat usually one meal a day at about 3 p.m. I would not worry about this. She is 94. Eventually your mother will come to the end of wanting food, even of being able to swallow, as when one lives long and long and longer changes occur.
I think it is unfair to bother elders about what and how often and when they are eating. It is much like the bullying that happens often enough to little children that makes food a trial rather than a joy and often has lifelong repercussions for them. My advice with your Mom is to allow her to eat what she likes, how often and whatever amounts she likes.
Agree. I also eat one meal/day (have for years) but quantity is less now. I eat dinner which consists of a green salad with some chicken or fish added, a roll and a few bites of something sweet for dessert. I lost 80 lbs. a l-o-o-ng time ago in my 20s and vowed to keep it off, which I have, so my eating pattern has become pretty habitual. I wouldn't appreciate being coerced to eat differently at this point but, of course, who knows what potentially unwelcome changes may come my way?
To naysayers: yeah, I know, it may not be right for many, but it's worked for me. I do have a snack during the day sometimes. Since I'm still here at 86, which I didn't expect to be for sure, I must have done something right.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My grandma-in-law would make a can of soup last 3 days. Seriously, THREE days. I wish I was making that up.
She IS eating the best meals of the day - the earlier in the day, the better (for digesting).
* Did you discuss with her primary healthcare professional?
* If my mom at 94, I wouldn't worry about it.
* Perhaps suggest / give her some fruit or something she'd like 'just a little something' - a fruit smoothie - or 'milkshake' sounds like a good plan. I have bullet drinks (blender, in a 'bullet') 4-5 x / week. I add in lots of nutrition such as:
* a small piece of both garlic and ginger root.
* a dash of cinnamon (really healthy)
* few chia seeds
* Bit of Lion's Mane
* Collagen (powder) - teaspoon
And the foundation: banana, yogurt, blueberries or strawberries, and 3-4 cooked prunes (as I make my bullet drink often for a couple of days)
* for taste, add a bit of almond butter or some nut butter
My liquid: Coconut water, milk or juice.
[I wouldn't necessarily recommend all this for your mom, just be sure she gets some nutrition.] If you or her MD feel she isn't getting enough nutrients from the am and lunch time, ask about what to put in a smoothie. I'd suggest a bit of spinach, carrots, greens, etc. Once blended with yogurt and a banana, they all become a blur.
Gena / Touch Matters
A fruit smoothie offers an opportunity to load up on hidden nutrients.
I drink PROTEIN2O which is protein infused water it has 15g of protein in it and it has the electrolytes in it too. It helps me when I can't eat. 6g of total carbs, 110mg of sodium. There are other drinks out there that have protein too.
Now on the other hand, let’s call this an apple, one’s medical condition, aging, etc is what is at hand. An orange and an apple, each separate and needs to be addressed.
Let’s get back to your mom. As we age, particularly at your mother’s age, one eats less. Eating a good breakfast and lunch as you reeducate, is enough for your mom. Cooking for your mom is a great delight, so when this becomes limited, it becomes your issue as a caregiver, of not doing enough. And not doing enough, feeling guilty, makes you feel on one level, consciously or uncontrollably like you are pulling the plug. And you are not. You simply recognize there is as apple, the aging condition of your mother.
Thank you for being a caregiver.
Dr. Edward Smink, Author of the “Soul of Caregiving, A Caregiver’s Guide to Healing a Transformation.”
Respect her rights to choose....
Never force food...
Remember also that if a person, in this case, your mother is eating two times a day, that is sufficient for ones daily nourishment; especially as we age we require less food, and appetite changes as do taste buds.
Please relax, and don't add more stress and anxiety to yourself nor your mother about an evening meal.
Remember also that we all regardless of age need to listen to what our bodies tell us including if we do not feel hungry, we should not eat just because the clock says it's mid day or evening...
Hydration is important also. Be sure she has fresh water available and is encouraged, but not forced , to drink liquids.
Be sure to give choices among the food groups at the two meals a day she does choose to eat. And don't worry if she chooses to eat small amounts.
This is actually good for us all to remember about portion control.
Sounds like she is doing well. At some point be prepared for her to reduce her food intake even more ...
they both really like ice cream these days. My mother also likes small snacks during the during the day. She eats a lot of nuts which are high in calories. My father likes pastina soup and that’s about it aside from the ice cream. He just does not want to eat any more. It has been months now that he’s eating like this but he is none the worse for it.
It’s more important that they keep hydrated. Getting my mother to drink enough water is more of a concern to me.
She is nearly 95. This is not the same as getting a child to finish their food if they want a treat afterwards. Please take her age into consideration and allow her some autonomy in her life.
This is very common as we age.
My mom told me that she only ate because it was necessary. She really wasn’t very hungry.
Let her eat what she enjoys. I served my mother on lunch sized plates. If she saw a large plate of food she would immediately say, “That’s too much food. I can’t possibly eat all of that!”
You can always make smoothies for your mom to get additional nutrients. My mom enjoyed drinking smoothies. If you’re looking for an easy way to add protein, add peanut butter to a banana smoothie. Throw in a cup of yogurt too.
If you are worried about mom's caloric intake--I can tell you that elderly, very immobile people can live for a very long time on what it basically starvation diet. My MIL has been eating around 300-400 calories a day for 9 months. She's still here and actually, doing pretty well. The Hospice nurses all told us that she couldn't subsist in so little, but truth is, we fully expect her to live another year.
Leave her alone. Not worth one second of a 'battle'. Forcing her to eat could make the situation worse. She's fine. Just make sure she's hydrated, that's more important than eating anyway.
I think it is unfair to bother elders about what and how often and when they are eating. It is much like the bullying that happens often enough to little children that makes food a trial rather than a joy and often has lifelong repercussions for them. My advice with your Mom is to allow her to eat what she likes, how often and whatever amounts she likes.
To naysayers: yeah, I know, it may not be right for many, but it's worked for me. I do have a snack during the day sometimes. Since I'm still here at 86, which I didn't expect to be for sure, I must have done something right.