Everyday get's harder and harder and the loneliness has me wishing I could join him. His last words to me were ''thank you Andy so much you've been awesome and you were great, now help me to God.'' I replied saying ''I promised you I would be here holding you til the very end, I love you Robin.'' He died in my arms about an hour later. All I want is to be with him . I feel something is wrong and it's not letting me heal. I miss him so much. I took care of him for ten years all I want is to get my life back be happy and move on. But I can't so depressed. Any advice from anyone I would greatly appreciate.
GriefShare is free. There are probably groups in your area.
Check them out, here: https://www.griefshare.org/
You'll be with people who understand, and with people who have made it through the season you're in.
And in a way, accepting it will be hard, and knowing it will get better, sort of help as it makes one realize this is not abnormal .
It never gets totally easy of course. I remember watching Katie Couric once describing her grief in losing both her husband and sister at young ages, but a few years after
She said (and I think she heard this somewhere else) grief is like having a rock in your pocket. Its always there. /But sometimes you are busy with life and dont notice it as much. But others times all you can think of is how annoying that rock in your pocket is.
I didn't realize this was so new and so raw. You are in what could be considered a normal state now of grief and hopelessness. Remember the 988 hotline when you are feeling hopeless.
And do know that time will help. You already recognize that. Try to celebrate his life while you mourn your loss. Remember. Create a scrapbook. Fill it with notes to him about all you remember.
But also know that while time makes things less acute only YOU can make them BETTER. You aren't alone.
I myself am not a believer, but if you are, your faith based community can be a great help to you. To be honest, ANY faith based community would likely open its arms to you with loving kindness, whether you are a believer or are not. Again, try a support group. Even if only on Facebook. It will let you know you are not alone in feelings and in fear.
As to what's it all about? How about a Philosophy class when you are on your feet? Because mankind has been asking that question since he lived in caves. I am 81. I don't know. It's about fostering a little dog named Frieda. It's about looking at a snowflake's intricacy. It's about the color coffee goes when you pour in the cream. Start a notebook. It's about the way hay and grass cut when newly mown.
My heart goes out to you. I wish we could sit and chat over a cuppa.
Please take care of yourself.
It’s obvious how much you loved Robin. You had a special relationship that you will never forget, nor should you ever forget the time that you spent together.
It’s perfectly normal for you to miss Robin and grieve for your loss. You don’t say how long it has been since Robin died.
If you feel like you are stuck, consider attending grief counseling and become involved in a grief support group.
I wish you peace as you struggle to live without Robin.
I fought back from depression once by helping others. I remember when the first day was over I realized that for the first time, I had not thought about my pain for three whole hours! It was exhilarating to realize I might just get through it. For a while, the only time I could get it out of my mind was when I was focussed on someone else’s problems.
Not suggesting you ignore or try to get around the grief, just get some respite from it once in a while and expend some energy to help you sleep better.
Best of luck and Gid bless you as you grieve.
Have you joined a grief support group?
Have you attempted to see a grief counselor?
I am so sorry for your loss. Usually when you have been this close, and when you have had so much resolved, the loss is somewhat easier in that you can celebrate that, celebrate a life well lived and a life of love and comfort at the end, and the knowledge that you have no longer to fear for this person you love. In your case it is not. You had 10 years in which your entire life revolved around this man.
I will be honest with you. I am 81. My partner of 37 years is 83. I want to go first. I just don't want to try to do life without him, really. And I say that as someone who has all my life been a "loner".
The only way through grief is through it. You can't run from it or deny it. Your feelings of loss of partner and of purpose are acute. You don't tell us how long ago he passed, but the timeline is different for everyone.
I recommend to you a podcast if you like them, called Terrible, Thanks for Asking done by Nora McNerney. She lost her own husband, her Dad and a baby when only in her thirties. She has moved on with her life, but her first husband remains very much a part of her life. You don't have to leave Robin behind.
Get help if you are stuck. Stop asking yourself to get over this or to let this go. This is a part of who you are.
Again, I am so very sorry for your loss. Be easy on yourself.
Remember to check in with your MD. While I myself am sort of convinced we have become an over-medicated society, sometimes a low dose anti depressant can help us bridge troubled waters enough to begin to think outside the box we have ourselves in.
You should also speak to your doctor about your depression, and get on some antidepressants, until at least you feel more like yourself.
Grief is different for everyone and "grief never ends, but it changes. It is a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love."
And I believe the more we loved someone the longer it takes to move on, but move on we must. Your loved one would not want you being stuck in a place of mourning and sadness, but instead would want you to move forward in finding joy once again in the life you have left.
I believe that we bring our loved ones honor when we can move forward in a positive manner after they leave us and this world for the next. It's the least we can do.
I cared for my late husband for 24 1/2 years of our 26 year marriage, and after he died I felt lost and wandered for quite a while wondering what it was I was to do next. It took time to figure out what my new life would look like, and now almost 3 1/2 years after his death, I'm still figuring things out. But I can tell you that life is good and so is God.
I am finding things that bring me joy and I feel my husbands presence with me daily.
Our loved ones never leave us. They may not be with us in the physical world but they are always in our hearts, and sometimes that just has to be enough.
May God bless you and keep you as you walk this journey of grieving and healing.