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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My mother recently went into an assisted living community about four months ago. My sister and I are her POAs. For the last year, I was the primary person taking care of my mom and her finances, until she decided she wanted to go into an assisted living facility. My sister took care of my parents for many years while I worked. I retired two years ago. My sister has many health issues and her husband has Parkinson's. While she was dealing with health issues I took over caring for mom, including completing applications and touring nursing homes, making meals for her, washing her hair, cleaning, etc. I handled all the details and also signed as the person responsible for my mom as the home contact for the facility. Now, my sister is recovered from her recent eye surgery and is now trying to takeover. I told her that the home wants to work with one person and I signed as that person. My sister's doctor told her she needs to step back and let others handle things because stress in causing a lot of her issues. But she wont. She is scheduled for another eye surgery in six months and will be out of commission again for months. So, it makes sense to me that I continue to be the family contact for mom. My husband and I do travel. The nurses asked me whom they should work with (in front of my sister). I informed the staff to contact me with routine questions or information, but in case of an real emergency contact my sister, then me if I'm traveling. My sister is now mad and won't talk to me. I recently returned from a three week trip and the nurses told me they were glad I was back. They insinuated that my sister wasdrivinf them crazy and would just show up behind them constantly. My sister even took my mom to urgent care for dry skin on her ear! Instead of just informing the nurses. I got an email with the after care summary. When I emailed my sister if she took my to urgent care for dry skin, she emailed back in big letters, "How did you find out?" I replied back, why didn't you want me to know? I am mom's responsible contact. I know everything. She wouldn't reply back. I realize it must be hard for her to not worry about mom after doing it for all those years, but she is in a care facility now and it should be less stressful for us now and just enjoy visiting. I'm not saying my sister can't be concerned about my mom. I just think she should express her concerns to me and I will talk to the nurses as the responsible person for my mom. None of the issues my sister worries about are life threatening or neglect issues. My mom is diabetic. Her blood sugar has been high and she was complaining about the nurses but they were just doing what the doctor said to do. But yet my sister takea mom my out to Sweet Frog an ice cream store. Am I wrong in my thinking? How should I handle this with my sister?
Did you consult with sister before you placed your mom? Perhaps she feels you took advantage while she was out of commission to care for mom herself? That may not sound rational but it could be what she’s feeling.
Nothing she’s done sounds all that out of bounds and if you are both POAs then she has the right to do the things you mentioned. It would be very hard to not have a say after years of caregiving.
I do understand it would make the care staff’s job harder and it is usual to only have one point of contact but why not give sister a chance to see that the care is good and mom is settling in. Yes, I agree it would be nice if she could just relax regarding moms care but it truly isn’t that easy to let go even when you need to.
To me it does sound a bit like a power struggle. Personally, I would look at mom. She will be happier if her daughters get along and don’t bicker. Caring for mom might be the only thing going “right” for sis these days. I would ask the facility to give sis a chance to get comfortable with this new order.
You could remove sister from the visitor list, since you are the person responsible for mom and the home contact. I'm not sure that's advisable, but it probably is doable. Or you could forbid sister to take mom out by informing the care facility that mom is not to be released to sister. And you could name someone else as an emergency contact when you're out of town. Or you could stop traveling.
Your sister will not change. If you want things to be different, you'll have to be the one to change.
When I first became a family caregiver, the social worker at the rehab asked me about my life - what I liked to do, how I spent my days, where I liked to go, my career. Then she said, "You can forget about all that. You're a caregiver now."
Your life will not be as it has been, no matter what you do. The conflict with sister is part of that. Your former travel habits may not be sustainable. You spend a lot of time thinking about mom, only mom, her health, what sister is up to, etc. etc. That will probably be the case until mom passes away.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Nothing she’s done sounds all that out of bounds and if you are both POAs then she has the right to do the things you mentioned. It would be very hard to not have a say after years of caregiving.
I do understand it would make the care staff’s job harder and it is usual to only have one point of contact but why not give sister a chance to see that the care is good and mom is settling in. Yes, I agree it would be nice if she could just relax regarding moms care but it truly isn’t that easy to let go even when you need to.
To me it does sound a bit like a power struggle. Personally, I would look at mom. She will be happier if her daughters get along and don’t bicker. Caring for mom might be the only thing going “right” for sis these days. I would ask the facility to give sis a chance to get comfortable with this new order.
Your sister will not change. If you want things to be different, you'll have to be the one to change.
When I first became a family caregiver, the social worker at the rehab asked me about my life - what I liked to do, how I spent my days, where I liked to go, my career. Then she said, "You can forget about all that. You're a caregiver now."
Your life will not be as it has been, no matter what you do. The conflict with sister is part of that. Your former travel habits may not be sustainable. You spend a lot of time thinking about mom, only mom, her health, what sister is up to, etc. etc. That will probably be the case until mom passes away.
Yup, it's pretty bleak!