My mom is 83 years old and has several health problems managed with medication. She doesn’t drive anymore. She does cook, clean, do laundry and play bingo. Recently her dr has mentioned some further testing to her and she refuses to have anything else done. She says she’s been through enough. This is breaking my heart. I’ve tried to talk her into it and she is adamant she’s not doing it. I feel like I’m failing as a daughter. I have severe anxiety that if I leave (I live next door) she will need me and I won’t be here. When I am at work I’m constantly worrying. If I go out with my husband, it’s constant worry.
It isn't.
Your mother has every right to stop with all the 'further testing' her doctor wants to do, and to live the rest of her life as she sees fit. How are YOU 'failing as a daughter' by HER making such a decision? Stop thinking emotionally and start thinking logically, with your brain instead of your heart. Your mother is making a logical decision here which has nothing to do with you as a daughter. Consider yourself fortunate to have a mother with a head on her shoulders! So many of us here have been saddled with parents who want every single medical intervention taken on their behalf, no matter what cost to US it winds up taking, so their lives can be extended to 100+!! No matter how sick they are with terminal cancer or end stage liver disease, or in your mother's case, heart and lung disease which probably cannot be 'fixed'. In this case, your mother wants to live the rest of her life in peace w/o going to 100 doctors and being poked and prodded and tortured in the process! For that I give her a ton of credit and have the utmost respect for her. You should too. Living with dignity is better than dying with feeding tubes and ventilators any day, the way I see it.
Stop looking at this from your perspective and start looking at it from your mother's instead. What she needs is your support rather than your insistence she do things your way. How is she to feel if she sees you riddled with extreme anxiety all the time over her choices in life?
If you can't stop constantly worrying and feeling anxiety over your mother's health choices, see your doctor for a full medical work up. There are anti anxiety medications that can be prescribed that may help you see things more clearly. Nobody should have to live with severe anxiety to the point they can't work or go out with their husband for worrying.
Best of luck living your life anxiety free & allowing your mom to live hers in the way she sees fit to.
I assume this testing is related to mom's physical issues (cardiac and pulmonary) right?
AND you're afraid if you are not right there, she might keel over and die, unattended?
Is mom of sound mind? Does mom see why you're worried?
If your mom is at peace with "I'll go when my time comes, stop worrying about me", then there's not a lot you can do.
Make every moment you are with her a joyful one. Has she considered talking to her doc about hospice or palliative care if she wants no intervention?