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My husband has been in a skilled nursing home for over a year. He has vascular dementia. He refuses to have his hair cut or beard trimmed. He also refuses to take a shower. Staff claim that they can't make him. They have asked me to come down to talk him into taking a shower. When I do he always says that he doesn't have a problem, but then he refuses. What should I do?
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One night, after mom had been in her NH for some time, SIL said brightly, " it's so lovely, tonight is your shower night".

Mom looked sad and said no, she wasn't able to shower any longer.

What???? Mom had no " why". She just shrugged.

After a great deal of detective work, it transpired that mom ( who had dementia) had decided that she would have to stand to shower. She knew she could no longer stand for long.

With some assurance that there was a shower chair (which she'd been using all along) and shower her the shower set up during a non bathing time, she was able to be bathed again.

You have no way of knowing what is going on in your husband's broken brain. But try walking him to the shower room during a time when it's not in use and you may find out what's putting him off.
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