My dad keeps asking for things we know he can’t have. How do we keep him from obsessing about these things? I’m his DPOA for health and finance. He can’t have his address/phone books because he calls people with his confabulated stories and they don’t know he has Alzheimer’s. He wants his hassock, but can’t have it because he fell off it while climbing on it to reach the top of his closet at the other facility . (We’ve brought everything down to his reach and gave him our recliner that has a footrest.) He wants his nail clippers even though the memory care facility he is at gives him manicures, pedicures and haircuts. (At the previous facility he was given scissors and he was found cutting up clothes in an attempt to modify his clothing. We bought him new clothes and took away the scissors.) He wants us to take him back to his home and business but he is physically and mentally not able to care for any of it or himself. His sister and brother-in-law bought him lotto tickets over the holidays. He insist they are winning tickets (they are worthless), hides them, can’t find them, then accuses me of stealing all of his money. He’s convinced that I’ve spent all of his money on us. We don’t need his money and would never use it for ourselves. We use his money to pay for his memory care facility he’s at, his personal needs like incontinence supplies, clothing (he’s gained healthy weight and needed all new pants), bills, divorce attorney fees, and accountant fees, etc. It’s been so stressful cleaning up all the messes he’s created over the past few years but we can’t share all the details with him because it creates such anxiety and confusion in him. He can’t rationalize and his demands are taking a toll on me. I’d like to visit with him but it seems that my presence seems to make him think of all the things he can no longer manage. When I don’t visit, because I’m taking care of all of his stuff, his mind works overtime and he calls me accusing me of taking his things. I’ve worked so hard to get him the medical attention, safe living arrangements he so desperately needed and fixing all of the messes he’s created. I’ve always had his best interest at heart and I’ve never ever given him any reason to distrust me. It’s so hurtful. I’ve spoken with the director at his new facility and they are increasing activities and working with him when he wants to call me with demands. His moderate cognitive decline, OCD and anxiety is taking a toll on me. I fear that it’s only going to get worse. Anyone else dealing with this? Suggestions?
My own Mom who was always the dearest, sweetest person I knew was upset with me cause I kept her purse with all her I D, credit cards etc. It was for her own safekeeping that I held on to it but her poor, addled brain could not grasp that and nor would I expect it to.
First, take away his phone. Talk to the staff about calming meds. My dad is sweet as pie to my face then when I’m gone he goes nuts yelling about me stealing his money, then he gets agitated because he can’t find his car.
The doc and staff at his AL are upping his med level so they can handle him and keep him safe. He was swinging at people a few weeks ago.
Your Dad and mine are never going to be happy and may go to their graves thinking we are stealing their money.
When we get to this point with dementia there’s really no other way. We just have to mitigate it as best we can.