I'm Dad's full-time 24/7 caregiver (I'm living temp with him in his home). He will be 96 in a few weeks. Pretty healthy otherwise for a 96yr old but has moderate & worsening lewey body dementia. I can see him decline almost weekly. There's soooo much going on here, but my main issue these days with him is that he's loosing his appetite. I battle with him more and more to get him to eat. He's eating breakfast well but the rest of the day is a battle. If I force the issue and make his meal and place it for him to eat he'll say ok and 1/2 later I'll check on him and he's shoved his napkins in the food. Oh Dear God - what to do. I'm ready to scream! He's still pretty active, goes outside and tinkers with whatever just to keep busy I guess. Any suggestions! Or should I just relax and let it be? What have you all done when this happens! Thanks in advance!
My mum has eaten very little for the last 13 years, since her brain was damaged by a stroke at the age of 63. Now that she has developed vascular dementia, she barely eats at all. Many days, not even a mouthful of solid food.
Mum is prescribed nutrition supplement milkshakes 4 times a day, which she hates but manages to drink with some difficulty. These aren't really sufficient, but they are keeping her alive. I don't know for how much longer.
I find it especially difficult because on good days my mum is lucid, funny, and can reason, but she cannot make herself do something she doesn't want to do. Those good days are becoming rare, though.
The thing to do is always give food that your father enjoys, gently encourage, but don't get stressed when he doesn't eat. All that would do is make both of you unhappy.
Now that your father is disinclined to eat, his appetite probably won't improve. There'll be good days and bad days. Don't take it personally and don't make your dad feel bad about something over which he no longer has any control.
The best we can hope for is to keep our loved ones as comfortable as possible, which for our parents now includes not being forced to eat when they don't want to. Once you can accept this new reality, it will be easier for you and help you to cope better with your caregiving duties.
Wishing you all the best, and comfort and peace for your father.
My mom is now under 100 lbs, I figure once she stops eating all together it will be time for hospice. It is very hard and I certainly understand your anxiety over it all.
Take care of yourself first. Prayers to all. 🥰
my best to you as you face these last stages with him.
Instead of screaming, shift that energy and emotion to being present with him, regardless of what he is eating or not eating. Do not let these moments 'pass you by' by being consumed with what he is eating/not eating. You first need to understand why you feel as you do; why you are so adamant that he eats as you feel he needs.
You do not mention MD recommendations.
What does his MD say about his eating behavior?
While not the same situation, my client (104 years old) ate a fairly hearty breakfast 'first meal of the day' (which I prepared) and didn't eat much the rest of the day. While my client was 8 years older than your dad, it is important to realize that the digestive system slows down - as does everything else. Incidentally, she LOVED egg nog which was in the stores at the time. I gave her a large glass of it to start with realizing that if she didn't eat much else, she got a wallop of calories and enjoyment. She then also ate eggs, salmon, fruit, etc.
As you are concerned with him eating (enough), I would focus on bullet drinks (ie., blender smoothies) as then lots of vitamins-minerals-supplements / food can be added, and even whatever he may really like (chocolate? caramel? cinnamon? fruit?). Try combinations and see how it goes. For my client, she liked rice pudding and other high calorie 'puddings' or desserts (i.e., Belgian chocolate 'pudding'). Bananas are excellent as they add texture and most people like them (in addition to being healthy and easy to digest).
I would focus on educating yourself as to what MD says he needs and take it from there. Loss of appetite certainly has to do with depression, 'ready to go'.
It isn't cut and dry.
Be aware of your focus / reasoning and decisions based on your desire to 'keep him going' vs what he needs to do / what is a natural process. Understand your motives, sadness / grief. This is difficult and emotions are mixed with fear and wanting him to be here with you as long as possible, and you are focusing on diet (in this writing) to keep him alive.
Get the support you need, perhaps join a support group.
Gena / Touch Matters
As the body winds down the elder has less and less appetite. It's a natural and common occurrence.
Try to stop the battles and let him live as he wants. Eating what he wants. The hardest part is realizing that our days and his, are limited and this is his time to begin those final days and months. God bless you as you love him each day more and more.
We were told she'd die within 3 weeks at that level of starvation, but she lasted another year.
Nobody forced her to eat anything, ever. Once in a great while she'd ask for a milkshake, but those shakes from McDonalds are not really eating 'healthy.'
MIL's CG's (the kids) were told not to push food at her, and they didn't. I cleaned out her fridge after she died and all that was in there was Diet Coke and some rotted hardboiled eggs. Oh, and mustard.
I know it seems 'mean' to not be able to get your LO to eat, but at some stage of the game, it's just not a priority for them. Leave him be. Just try to keep him hydrated and that's probably the best you can do.
When my dad was in Rehab, he also wouldn't really eat, I thought he was going to just die. The doctor's gave him some kind of appetite stimulant (I'm sorry can't remember name). Even though he didn't eat a lot it did help and he said he felt more like eating on it.
So get to the doctor and get an appetite stimulant!
Best Wishes!
He loves cereal and milk and does well with fresh fruit, like watermelon and bananas. We’ve just decided to supplement the food from AL with a few groceries like sandwich food.
He now seems to always want ice cream! Any kind. It’s funny and sweet. He’s like a big kid. But he’s 85, he lost weight he needed to lose and now needs to gain or at least maintain. If he wants ice cream, we get it. It brings him joy! I tease him…but he
his attitude is “ I’m 85 and if I want ice cream I can have it!” And I agree.
24/7 care for your Dad is a precious gift to him. Do take good care of yourself too!
If it is a sudden change, make sure to pay attention to dental health. A simple cavity or some change in dentures can make eating tough and they may not have the ability/awareness to relate that to you.
When Mom became older she barely ate anything. She said that she wasn’t hungry. She ate a little bit of food because she knew that she had to. Her doctor didn’t want her to lose any more weight.
In spite of her tiny frame, she lived to be 95 years old. She had Parkinson’s disease and developed dementia towards the end of her life.
Mom did better when I served her food on small plates. She freaked out if she saw a normal sized portion of food in front of her, claiming that she couldn’t possibly eat that much food at once.
I would be able to get nutrients in her also by making healthy smoothies. There are lots of different recipes online that you can try.
:-)
What helps me is having a Tums before lunch and dinner. I don't know if your Dad could try a Tums due to his swallowing.
We all die.
At the point we get Lewy's, if your Dad is at all like my brother who at 85 got the same diagnosis, he is well ready to die.
The truth is that elders need little to nothing to live, to survive.
I would in no way attempt to change what my father ate, other than to keep it easy to swallow as swallow does become a problem for those with Lewy's. And I would let him eat as much as he liked of all the things he likes for the duration.
Now your Dad is 96 I think you should prepare yourself that he will soon be leaving you, and I think that you should make his exit as pleasant and easy for him as you are able.
I assume your Dad isn't physically active [like a lot of walking], if no, maybe in his mind he feels he is getting enough calories at breakfast, and that eating lunch/dinner makes him feel too full/bloated. And lets not forget, as we age our taste buds go on strike, thus some of our favorite foods no longer taste good.