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When my mom moved in with me I had to consult in addition to my husband, all of my own children who live away from me and with my brother to form partnership on her care.
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You should avoid this. I don't recommend it.
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I think the answer you got from cmagnum is spot on.

The first thing I would do is IMMEDIATELY look for an elder care coordinator / geriatric case manager who has extensive mental health training, because you're going to need someone with that sort of experience. You need a *professional* who can explain to your husband *exactly* what it entails to take care of a demented elder. You need someone who will read your husband the riot act--and has the professional qualifications to do this. You will want to go to the initial consultation *alone*, because you need help getting through your husband's thick skull that you absolutely do not want to care for his demented mother in YOUR home--and that you have *very* good reasons for making this decision. I hate to say it, but this IS a common problem elder care coordinators deal with. A lot of men really don't respect women and that includes their wives. They haven't gotten with the program that they can't unilaterally make decisions that affect their wives and family without their wives fully agreeing to it. Many times, they use bullying tactics, such as pestering you until you give in, in order to get their way. You also need a professional to *order* that he get professional mental health for himself *and* actively participate in couples counseling.

You and your husband are definitely going to need couples therapy. I think this problem ranks in seriousness equal to discovering that he's got a mistress and they've been using your bedroom. What he has done is violate the sanctity of your home, by bringing an unwanted and problematic person into your home and expecting that you will be cool with it.

Let's assume that he refuses to meet with an elder care coordinator / elder case manager. Make it very clear that NO is unacceptable. You want to spend at least a week telling him that 'we have a meeting with the elder care coordinator on ___ at ___. You need to be there. This is non-negotiable.' Some men will make excuse after excuse to avoid meeting this person. Hold his feet to the fire.

Let's assume that he's saying 'h-ll no, I won't go.', then it's time to hire a family law / divorce attorney. This is *completely* unacceptable behavior and, for your own safety and sanity, you have to divorce him. The same goes for if he refuses to go to couples therapy, he refuses to take couples therapy seriously or he stonewalls therapy. I know of times where the numbskull man woke up to how serious and bad his behavior has been only when you have him served with divorce papers and walk out.
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Where is Miakity33?

It's been 4 days and 33 answers since we first heard from her.
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Miakity may have left the building.
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Miakitty33...read my post from earlier today. I am in a similar situation but my MIL does not live or will ever live with us. My MIL does not have dementia but I can tell you, she created and my husband is allowing this living h*ll to continue. It is/has ruined our marriage and making me think I am crazy. My best advice, your hubby needs to get help for your MIL. It will ruin everything you both have and cause more health problems for you. I do not want to be negative, I am just speaking from experience.
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The worst thing we did was to allow my husband's mother to move in with us. It was 2 1/2 months of h*ll. She was rude and angry much of the time. The best thing we did was to get her into AL. There is no other family member that can or would help. It was us. But after bringing her here she became angry and mean. Now her anger is directed at the nurses who care for her. They are unfortunately used to being treated that way and unlike me, they probably don't cry every night when they go to bed because they've been yelled at again for something not their fault.
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