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High-5's #5, HC!!

It's more than personally insulting to have medPros be condescending to the caregiver, it's hurtful to the client. We should be counted as part of that healthcare team I mentioned. When the client can no longer do 'it' (whatever "it" is), we're doing it on their behalf.
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HolyCow... very good.... but maybe you could print that out and take it with you next time... I am so tired of elders having a Dr. that is not helping them, and will stick with that Dr come hell or high water... In C's case, it's because he has given her an open ended Hydrocodone script..... HE doesn't have to deal with her everyday.... I DO.....

And God forbid that a paid caregiver stand there and ask questions or make suggestions.... or family members ,as was said, that are with them 24/7.... The days are gone that people don't speak up to a Dr..... it needs to be done more often.... loudly if necessary......

My two idiot sisters would only complain about the Dr not stopping to answer questions... I stood in the doorway..... he stopped... he wasn't happy, but then neither was I......we ended up changing Dr.s much against my dads wishes... again... hydrocodone addiction......

I don't care anymore how crazy they think I am... I will not go quietly...... and that goes for telling the family something is WRONG and not being heard.....
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Doctors may have studied in the mental health area of dementia or Alzheimer's but they can be so stupid at times it just kills me! We do know more about the patient than they do, they do not live this disease every single day, every single moment, we do, we could or should educate them.

1. When you meet my parent and I tell you they have dementia or Alzheimer's you amaze me that you sit there and ask them a list of questions and accept their answers rather than look at me to see if it is correct or totally wrong, which 99% of the time it is...wrong!

2. There are times that I would personally like to speak to you alone without my parent in the room. They have lucid moments and it hurts their feelings to hear you tell someone about their behavior or actions, they do not always believe that they have a problem, even though we know they do.

3. If I am telling you that my parent is out of control or using abusive language towards me, please do not just sit there and say, "It's not them it's the disease." If I am telling you this, I am most likely at my wits end and need some help. In my case my parent needed medication.

4. If there are multiple things that will be changing, please take a few minutes to write them down on a sheet for us to take home. We can become so frazzled by having to shlep them back and forth to the doctor that we may forget something we were suppose to do. Having it written down helps us greatly.

5. Do not be condescending you are a doctor, you are not infallible. Working with doctors myself I have seen many who have what we referred to as a "God complex" you are not and we do not appreciate it!

6. Listen to us when we talk to you, you can worry about typing everything in to your computer when we are done. I kept telling a doctor about a side effect of feeling like you had the flu for 3 years! Turns out it was a serious side effect and the medication had to be stopped immediately but it was only done after 3 years of complaints and me bringing in paperwork from the internet to prove he needed to do something! Listen to us and take appropriate steps!
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When you find out that a patient is a caregiver, note in on his or her chart, and then ASK about it at each visit. It has probably the single biggest impact on all other health issues. Ignoring it is like ignoring that someone has diabetes or COPD.
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Captain .. there may, indeed, be a lack of esteem granted to you, as a male, from the doctors, and .. you're not alone. The looks we get from ALL the medPros from ambulance transport to ER docs, to attending physicians all imply, "what the HELL have you been doing? why didn't you get her here sooner, and how did you let her get like this?" Until they get the FULL picture of all her conditions and the music changes to "you've been doing great work." Yeah. I know. I just wish we could have the benefit of the doubt from the beginning, without having to defend ourselves.
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What I truly wish is that there was a sincere TEAM approach to the medical treatment(s). I can't tell you how many times we've had to play interference, as the advocate for the patient, between doctors and facilities.

I wish that it wasn't about quotas and making money.

And that there wasn't such a shield of protection around the idiot doctors (and YES they exist in abundance, along side the great ones). I wish that we could go to the primary doctor and explain our theory of what's going on with my client, without fearing that we're talking about lawsuits .. I just want you to LEARN from this. I am fully aware that it is the *practice* of medicine (which often interprets to trial and error .. just admit it).
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Captain I very much respect all the male caregivers that I have met. The tattoos and long hair have nothing to do with the quality of the person. As a patient I was cared for by a male aide who had been medically discharged from the Marine core. The hospital made him cover his arms because of the tattoos. He was the nicest politest young man you could wish to meet. I asked him if he had been medical in the Marines and he said that he had been an explosives expert.
never judge a sausage by it's skin!!!!
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Just curious ... did you get a better reception from male doctors, captain?
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this is just not a sexist post. i very much respect women but im unimpressed that many female medical professionals would look down on or even discount a male caregiver. no its not in my imagination. ive been treated horribly by female medical personnel based on my gender and appearance.
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Don't assume, if I seek help from you because I'm stressed, exhausted and getting the usual symptoms of those, that I will be relieved to hear from you that my mother probably won't be with us for much longer… (I'm sure he meant it consolingly. Idiot.)

Do, on the other hand, be an exact copy of my mother's own doctor who is BRILLIANT.
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Treat all senior citizen as seriously as their younger counterparts. I am tired of looking out for my own care and doing my own research. Keep visiting doc you will get an earful but thanks for caring enough to come here
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If you can't handle a condition, suggest someone who can. If you aren't up on how to treat dementia, admit it and refer the patient to someone who specializes in it.
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That when I tell them my mom (and formerly dad) is hard of hearing they need to increase their volume when talking, or they aren't being good care providers! I've had this with both my mom AND dad. You'd think docs who specialize in elder care would understand the need to S-L-O-W D-O-W-N when talking with folks in their 90s and would speak LOUDLY enough so they can hear what the doc is saying. I wind up repeating everything the doctors say because I can tell my folks can't hear them or understand them. And the docs STILL don't speak up! GRRRRRRR!!!!
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As a visiting "medPro" I'm glad to see these suggestions. Thanks for the tips, and thanks for all you do for aging people.
Leslie
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Oh, don't get me started on our medical professionals. In this area we have assembly line medicine. It is like the patients are stamped with a number on their forehead and put on the belt. No one really seems to care. A good example is the prescription refill line at the University system here. You leave a voice mail, saying what is needed and other pertinent information. Maybe they'll call it in, maybe they won't. Usually it takes two tries to get the prescription or a call in from the pharmacy.

I miss the old days where doctors actually cared enough to make house calls. Now they don't even care enough to return a phone call.
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- Know that something is wrong if the bedridden patient is publicly way too verbally abusive to his caregiver (but very nice to his other children). And quit telling the patient that he has a very sharp mind before talking individually the family.
- Don't feel insulted if the patient's family mentions another "health symptom" along with the current major one.
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Good idea Ladee!

that they would understand how difficult it is to take them to the doctor each time we suspect there may be an urinary tract infection. Please just allow us to bring in a specimen for testing.
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