It's been a wonderful last 4 months with mom with a few bad weeks here and there and we have been so blessed. But this week, the Hospice nurse said that mom is deteriorating fast right now. Her kidneys seem to be shutting down at a faster rate and is starting to reject the catheter. Her bowels aren't moving anymore on their own and she's now dealing with a pressure sore that Hospice is trying to keep under control and is extremely painful. Dad gives her pain pills but refuses to keep her on them all day because she sleeps and he can't feed her. In his mind, if she doesn't eat, she will die. All the food he is putting in her is doing nothing, absolutely nothing.....she is skin and bones. We have noticed spots on her legs developing and I'm not sure if that means anything. It's just not looking good right now, she's getting as bad or worse than she was months ago. I don't think her body can overcome it this time, but the nurse said with mom's past rallying history, who knows and that God is in control. Dad is still in denial that she is so close to going home, I know he knows it, but he won't talk about it and he gets upset if anyone does. Dad's 85 and mom's 82 and they've been married 67 years. I guess I would be in denial too if I had been with my wife that long. I'm praying she makes it through Christmas just for dad's sake. My brothers and I have accepted that mom won't be with us for long, but it's still so hard watching your mom die and your dad's heart breaking. Please pray for us all, especially dad. Thank you!
Blessings,
Vicky
Not sure where things are at, but hoping things are going as well as they can.
My mom died in February. When things started going downhill in mid-January I started seeking advice on how things would go "in the end." I was told about the death rattle, that her limbs would start turning blue, etc. Earlier I had been told that her transition would reflect how she was in life (very fearful of God and death).
At the end none of those things happened. Bottom line: try not to worry too much about the details, if you can, and just try and roll with it.
Back to my mom: She went to heaven very peacefully...not at all what I would have expected. I now know what it means to have the honor to be with someone when they die. I felt like I was watching her meet God. No words to describe. Anyway it was an honor for me to be there; I hope you and your dad can experience your mom's transition the same way.
You know how much I was praying mom would make it through Christmas, but on Tuesday, mom's Hospice nurse told us she was in the dying process now. She said it will be a matter of days. Mom is sleeping most of the time with little or no pain meds. When she does need them, dad is now quick to give them to her. When she is awake, which isn't often these last couple days, she is more in a daze but she will eat a little and drink a little if offered. She doesn't want much though. Her heart rate is getting higher daily and we know that's because her heart is having to work harder because of her body shutting down. She is extremely weak and frail and we know the time is nearing. Her blood pressure is still good as of yesterday and she hasn't developed any blotches on her legs or feet. Her breathing is heavier but no rattle sound as of yet. The nurse told us that not all patients will have these things. Dad's emotions have been all over the place with outburst of cries at any given time. I have been spending the night with him because we don't want him to be alone (and he doesn't want to be there alone when she passes) so when he cries, I cry right along with him. I told him to go ahead and cry all he wants, it's good for him right now.
Dad and I have been talking about Heaven, the streets of gold, the beautiful mansions and mom getting to meet Jesus soon. How happy she will be when she gets her new body with no pain and sickness. These talks seem to help him at the time and they also help me. I heard him tell her this morning to "wait for me in Heaven when you get there". This is such a change for him since last week and now he knows he can't save her anymore and it's in God's hands.
This is such a roller coaster ride that I would never wish on anyone. However, I am so thankful God has given us this extra time with our mom to love on her and tell her how beautiful she is and how much we love her. That my friends, has been priceless these last 4 months for me and my family.
Thank you all again for your concern and prayers! We still need your prayers if you would through these next several days.
Blessings to you all,
Vicky
I'm echoing what "earlybird" said - I was so glad to read that she is sleeping most of the time with no pain - that in and of itself is a huge blessing! We really can't hope for anything other than that because we know nothing is going to change and become better.
We know their hearing is the last to go, so I hope you are all talking to her just as if she were awake. The day before my dad died, I was reading my favorite bible verses to him about heaven and he made a loud groan (it actually frightened me in a way) and I sang to him on his final day.
Your dad has come a long way from last week and what a touching moment you saw when he told her "wait for me in heaven when you get there." I'm so glad you are spending the night with him so he won't be alone - I know he needs you now more than ever. There's nothing better than to have the family together in those final moments and comforting one another.
Take care of yourselves and may God be with you all -