Mom lives in assisted living and has everything she needs. Nice place but expensive. Mom is depleting her savings in order to afford to live there. Yet she is always complaining and unhappy. I have been her caregiver for over 6 years. It is not easy to handle moms needs and then listen to all the complaints. Today I went to the store early to get mom some things she wanted. When I arrived this morning with her items , she started on me, eventually she told me to just leave, as she says I never stay long and always just come and go anyway. Mom can be very mean and I should be so blessed to have what she has. I have always done what is in her best interest and what mom has wanted, and now she blames me for everything she is unhappy about. Mom say she does not know what to do . I am totaly stressed , what can I or should I do, her money will run out in a couple of years. She can be very mean to me, it seems everthing is my fault. Yet everyone says how sweet mom is, seems she is fine with others but her sone gets all the negative.... Help..!! I am loosing it trying to make my mom happy to the point that it is affecting me , my wife and daily life in general. Mom wants me to listen and do for her all the time. If I do not run or jump when she calls then I do not care. I am having a hard time with this .. It is beginning to affect my health. Scott
Acceptance is a huge word when you can no longer do the things you used to do because of age or a heart attack, etc. If people could only think beyond themselves & work with each other then life would be so easy.
Everywhere you look people are preaching how great it is to be independent. Not needing anyone. I don't understand that because in every aspect of our lives we need people. Every step we take involves people. If it wasn't for other people we wouldn't buy gas, groceries, have water, gas, electric, etc. There is too much focus on bragging to need no one that we don't see WE DO NEED OTHERS. Whether they are paid or not we still need people.
That kind of pride is why we are facing what we face with relatives and friends and coworkers, etc. A world where everyone wants their way when all it takes is understanding and compassion for each other. During the depression all people had WAS each other. There was no talk of this self centeredness.
My only advice is to walk away when the abuse starts. If she will not listen then let her have a few days without you. Reality will set in and the realization will take over. It is a hard thing to do when you love someone but their reality will become your reality in your life if you do nothing. Sad thing is...it does not have to be like that but while you know it, they don't.
The most important part of being old is acceptance of your limitations. Finding other ways to adapt, not shooting down every great person in your life to wallow in your own misery by having them share it with you. It will not only additionally destroy what life she has left but your life. As the person that has their bearings together, YOU need to be the one to take a stand and make a difference for the good of both of you, not accommodating it out of sympathy or compassion. Your not helping either of you doing that.
I know there is dread of the consequences but the outcome will be worth it for the both of you.