Rough statistics show that 30% of caregivers die before those they are caring for. Some studies show deaths higher. Illness that doesn't lead to death is rampant, as well - depression and auto-immune diseases are high on the list. Caregivers often don't find time to go to their own doctor appointments. They put them off, because they are too busy, or are just plain sick of sitting in clinics with their loved ones. Then things like breast cancer, which could be caught at an early stage, aren't found until the illness is much worse or even life threatening.
Caregivers are as important as the people they care for. If they abuse their bodies, minds and spirits while caring for others, no one wins. Support for caregivers means we must tell our stories and know we are heard. I hope we'll hear many stories on this site.
Carol
I think you've got something there about the accumulated sleep debt. That and chronic stress. Both are horribly hard on our bodies and nearly routine for family caregivers.
I'm not sure why some people like your mom have really good immune systems but I know that it happens like that sometimes. It will be interesting to read what others think.
Warm wishes,
Carol
My 91-year-old mother called out for me starting at 4:30am, then every 30 to 45 minutes, so I get up to see if she needs to use the bathroom..only one time was for toile ting, the rest were miscellaneous, like, " are you up yet.", "are you alright.", or comments that must have been due to dreams she was having.
I give her 3mg of melatonin to help her sleep. I take it too sometimes. But it is getting harder and harder to get back to sleep when she has one of those nights of calling out for me. I sleep on the living room couch, she in her bed. She is hard of hearing so I can't just answer her without getting up and going to her room.
Any ideas or sharing of thoughts on how to get a good night of sleep would be welcome! I am trying to keep my job, have gone to part time to be able to take care of her, no help from sibling out of town, take her to adult day care for 3 partial days each week, since she doesn't like to get moving too fast in the morning (neither do I, for many reasons), and she can't afford help in house (not to mention bad experiences with 4 'screened' home aides).
Thank you for any thoughts on getting a good night of sleep."
Could you let me know the original article you referred to when you mentioned the 30% mortality rate or where I might find it? The more current article you posted with the 40% figure refers to Alzheimer's caregivers. I would like to know more about the original article you posted. Thank you.
I heard about the 30% figure from the Alzheimer's Association during an event I attended. They lost track of the article so I never did see that citation, but I believe that it likely concentrated on Alzheimer's caregivers as well. Likely I should specify that these numbers are there for Alzheimer's caregivers, however caregivers of all types are under enormous stress, so while the number may not be as high as it is for Alzheimer's caregivers, I would say that it's not an insignificant number. The NIH site gives a lower but still significant number on the mortality rate of caregivers - http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10605972
"RESULTS: After 4 years of follow-up, 103 participants (12.6%) died. After adjusting for sociodemographic factors, prevalent disease, and subclinical cardiovascular disease, participants who were providing care and experiencing caregiver strain had mortality risks that were 63% higher than noncaregiving controls."
Take care,
Carol
Blessings to you all,
Carol
Carol
Within 24 hours, my mother was placed and still lives in the same home. Two months ago, after the third unneccesary trip to the ER, I came to another cross road. I point-blank asked what was the next step--nursing home or hospice care. It was decided that she would remain in AL and receive comfort care Hospice at age 96.
I lived at the drug store and big box store buying supplies twice a week for three years. It was killing me. Mother is in good hands in a familiar place. She cannot hold a conversation, just asks the same questions over and over and over. Cannot remember that I just answered the question five minutes ago.
I realize that this is not my mother anymore. So, I still visit twice a week, but without all the hassle of getting supplies. She has a very strong heart, but is almost blind from macular degernation, is almost deaf, suffers from spinal stenosis. She is receiving good care from loving people. I am finally allowed to live my life and enjoy my husband of 20 years. I will retire in 31 weeks or 155 working days. I would not have made it if I had not been guided by the doctors, her home healthcare nurse, and this website.
I woke last night feeling like I was about to have an anxiety attack... and that never happened to me before. I worry about how things are going to turn out for my parents and what my life is going to eventually be reduced to....24/7.
No one understands at all except you guys.
Any advice on how to reduce anxiety? Does therapy help for caregivers?
I love taking care of Mama and am fortunate that I enjoy a lot of things that don't require travel...writing, yardwork, fixing things around the house, creating little projects...and a lot of them go unfinished for a while and all of them require constant checking on Mama who is totally bedfast now, but even so for me, just easier for me to care for her here. What finally dawned on me was that while she is napping, I can take a 15 minute walk around the block here and there just as easily as I can do my little 15 minute yard work efforts, laundry, etc. . Mama always stressed to me as a child that folks can be about as happy as they choose to be and so I am reminding myself of that a lot these days. And remembering all the times Mama gave up her dreams for me....I'm tired, but for me home is where she needs to be....but I do know that it is imperative that we take care of ourselves and find ways to do things for ourselves so we will be able to be there for them.
I did seek out therapy because I was frustrated that my parents decided to still live in their single family home [they are in their 90's] instead of moving to a retirement village to be with people of their own generation. My therapist told me to keep reminding myself that my parents made THEIR choice, that I didn't make it for them, thus my parents have to live with THEIR choice. If their choice means no transportation, well too bad, I can't keep stopping what I am doing to drive them all over hill and dale, I had to set boundaries.
But I still worry myself into a frenzy, and when I see my parent's number on my caller ID I panic that something has happened. I really believe that my breast cancer was from this stupid stress, because there were any other triggers. It was caught very early, but I still worry what would my parent do if I wasn't around any more. I thought back when I turned 65 and thinking of retirement it was suppose to be fun. Really now, I think it is a myth.
Father ended up dying 4 weeks after Mother's dropped dead. I really believe this article.
Take care,
Carol
Blessings,
Carol
Take care, all of you,
Carol