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Thanks for asking Lizzy.
I have ordered the book, it will be delivered Friday.
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This book looks helpful.

Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-AbsorbedJul 1, 2013
by Wendy T. Behar
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I will check that out.
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Thanks, CMagnum. One can often look a book up on Amazon and read a sampling.
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Ok. Thank you everyone for your responses and advice, it was really helpful.
It is a process, a steep learning curve maybe. I cannot recommend the book I ordered, but maybe CMagnum's book will help others.

Reading back.....Barb, now I am laughing at myself.....don't think that I can be a "tough as nails" type of person, but that sounded good at the time I wrote it.
It is really not my job to be so alert at all times that I would even be able to effect behavior modification on an adult, my husband. Being hypervigilant is just another way to make myself crazy.

I need to relax! Lighten up. Get a life. That is for sure.
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The book Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend helped me. I've gone no or very limited contact with some members of mom's side of the family. For me, it's not just the things they say, although those are damaging, it's the mental illness, lying, manipulation, and overall crazy-making behavior. It's sad sometimes because we don't have "normal" family relationships, but I am exponentially happier when I don't have to deal with their drama all the time (although in my caring for mom, they still go through their attorney to try and create problems), and I can't say I really miss it.
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Another good book for dealing with narcissists is  Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward.
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