Hi All,
I'm glad I found this site!!! I've read some of the postings and (WOW)you start to wonder if things will ever get better. My mom is driving me crazy. I find I spend less and less time trying to have a conversation with her...it's too much work! And then I think to myself when she's gone that chance will be gone forever, so I try, it's very hard but I'm trying. I finally joined a local support group in my area...it's the best thing I've ever done. I have four siblings but I'm carrying the full load. I'm her primary caregiver, which I say she treats me one step above a slave...I don't even smile around her anymore, just taking one order after another. I find myself telling her the kitchen's closed! This isn't the Ritz! I will go to my second caregiver meeting on Tuesday...I can't wait! I need to breath, I need to be around other people. I seem to dream about just having one day to myself, one day to do absolutely nothing!
Then state the other options. Sometimes giving options and the full scope and letting them choose gives them the control instead of demanding of them.
We are supposed to honor our parents. Realize that they are also in a frightening spot. Their life is changing drastically. Try giving her a choice by spelling out the details and see how that works.
i,am her care giver i have 3 other siblings that are all married and have there own life
i was never married so i,am that one who is lelf to take care of her she can not walk and won't do nothing to help her self out
she only wants one of her sons but he don't do nothing for her she even pays him to come can see her becouse that the only way he will to see her if she gives him money which is very sad
my mom talks and don't make any sense at all
i dont have anytime for my self anymore
i want to call homecare to help me out but my mom will not hear of it she also likes to play mind games with me all the time
i,am under so much stress sometimes i just want to walk away from it all
i know we just have one mother in this world and when she gone she gone forevery
i just feel like i,am all alone in this world
What a cruel joke that they live so long.
My mom does not make sense either. She says one thing then changes her mind. She wanted half a sandwich like mine. I put one slice of bread in the toaster which is how I made my sandwich. She saw the toast and said she couldn't eat it because it was too hard. So I started again. When I was almost finished she said she wanted a whole sandwich not just a half.
It's slow thinking on her part and also mind games. I get so tired of it. I just leave the room.
The other day she wanted to know if I was avoiding her in order to make her feel bad. I laughed and laughed. I'm avoiding her in order to keep my sanity. It never occured to me to be cruel to her.
It's all about her. Everything. And she is sooooo boring.
I hate caregiving. I hate her.
Now I'm going through the process of her acting out, as I have determined that I wish to relocate back to New York...and am close to lining up a job. I have secured support from a company that helps you find affordable assisted living and independent retirement communities, and have toured a number of facilities to identify the best fit for my mother. As I've gotten closer to securing a job, my mother has become increasingly depressed...won't get out of bed, eat, take her medication. This is an ongoing pattern that has gone on for years. I just can't stand being around her at this point....I'm jumping through hoops to find her a great living situation and she provides no value, support or help. Her plan, while not verbalized, was that she would live with me for many years (just as she did for her parents, despite the fact that I told her this would be for a period of no longer than a year). I don't need answers from anyone. I just need to vent, and hope that someone can share a similar situation to make me feel I'm not alone.
I have been my mother's caregiver for almost 11 years now and it has been a learning experience. One of the best things I learned is that it is not only about me and my struggles with her, but hers with me. My mother was orphaned out to a lot of relatives when she was young and so now that she has Altzheimers she is afraid to be left alone and sometimes gets anxious and cranky. At first, I took the crankiness as her being difficult. Then I remembered her past (which she is living in) and it has been easier for me to not take the crankiness personally.
Get some respite care and go be you!
Mom wants to go to a nursing home, she doesn't want to live with my brother or me. She thinks the nursing home will be like a cruise. (no she does not have dementia) She thinks we want her money because we tell her we will take care of her. Well she has talked me into it, a nursing home it is.